Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
The Christian Science Monitor has one of the strangest headlines you'll ever read:
Monkeys hate flying squirrels, report monkey-annoyance experts
There are experts on how to annoy monkeys? Apparently so. And if you think the headline is weird, wait till you read the lede paragraph:
Japanese macaques will completely flip out when presented with flying squirrels, a new study in monkey-antagonism has found. The research could pave the way for advanced methods of enraging monkeys.
Do we have an industry out there devoted to how to enrage monkeys? For what purpose, exactly?
Comments
Yes, his name is David Logsdon of the University of Minnesota.
Posted by: carlsonjok | August 7, 2010 10:07 AM
{Insert Ken Ham joke here}
Posted by: carlsonjok | August 7, 2010 10:10 AM
Really, Ed, you can be so obtuse sometimes.
It's part of a DoD program to counter the Taliban Monkey Threat, of course.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/international/jihad_monkey_isWrAfNEsKRjb7nhl9lMpJ
See, is we can somehow get our monkeys to see Taliban fighters as flying squirrels (those floppy shirts they wear look like flying squirrel glide membranes, no?) then they can pelt them with explosive feces.
Simple, really.
Posted by: bcoppola | August 7, 2010 10:13 AM
Agreed bcoppola, we need to make sure them terrorists don't keep increasing the monkey vs. human gap!
Posted by: Scott Shannon | August 7, 2010 10:20 AM
BULLWINKLE: Hey Rocky watch me pull a Japanese Macaque outta my hat!
ROCKY: What again? That trick never works.
BULLWINKLE: Nothing up my sleeve! PRESTO!!
[Bullwinkle pulls a Crab-Eating Macaque from his hat. It bites him and flees in terror]
ROCKY: Wrong hat?
BULLWINKLE: I take a seven and a half.
Dingo
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PS apparently the latter monkey is a highly invasive pest species, particularly in HK
Posted by: DingoJack | August 7, 2010 10:37 AM
Very funny if you read only the headlines ala Jay Leno. Further reading, (forgive me for breaking the chain, loved the Rocky and Bullwinkle bit!) shows the experts in this case are the same Japanese researchers who have been studying this particular group of animals for years.
Posted by: Ann Klein | August 7, 2010 10:58 AM
WND? Fox News? The WSJ?
They're much more easily influenced when they're enraged.
Posted by: D. C. Sessions | August 7, 2010 10:59 AM
No, no don't piss off the monkeys because -
You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you. God damn you all to hell! - Dingo
Posted by: DingoJack | August 7, 2010 11:02 AM
Did anyone else mentally move the adjective "flying" to apply to the monkeys?
Also, Ann, I understand being interested in monkey behavior--heck, I find it fascinating to read about--but there's something very funny about describing yourself as searching for "advanced methods of enraging monkeys."
Posted by: Chris Hallquist | August 7, 2010 11:04 AM
When they procured the subjects for this experiment did the conversation go a little like:
Dingo
Posted by: DingoJack | August 7, 2010 11:13 AM
Billy: "Mom? When I grow up, I want to make monkeys really, really mad."
Mom: " That's nice, son."
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Guidance Counsler: "Well, after examining these test scores, I have identified your perfect career choices. Intelligent Design proponent or Monkey Enrager.
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Press Release: Pennsylvania State University is pleased to announce the addition of an additional four year degree. Starting in the 2011 school year, PSU will now offer a Bachelor's degree in Monkey Annoyance. This new degree program will cover both the science of primate irritation and the fine art of mammal aggravation. Graduates will be prepared to enter the work force as either a Certified Monkey Enrager or a Licensed Monkey Tormentor. Graduates will also be eligible to continue their education towards a Masters of Animal Annoyance and ultimately, a Doctorate in the Enragement and Confusion of Primates.
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Help Wanted:Assistant wanted for research into homosexual conversion therapy. Position is for a 104 week period working with gay monkeys in an effort to control their sexual desires. Sucessful canidate will posess a BA or BS in Monkey Annoyance or related field. Experience in Monkey Confusion a plus. For more information, please contact Focus on the Family at .........
Posted by: Foster Disbelief | August 7, 2010 11:25 AM
If it was a perfectly normal Lede, it would, of course, involve swans. - Dingo
Posted by: DingoJack | August 7, 2010 11:36 AM
Weirdest headline I ever saw was something to the effect of "Sausage Sales Soar as South Koreans Use Them for iPhone Styluses". Apparently it was so cold there that people didn't want to take off their gloves to work their iPhones, but they discovered that a certain brand of frozen sausage did the trick.
Posted by: Lycanthrope | August 7, 2010 12:25 PM
DingoJack wins my portion of the internets for his subtle reference to するとかに. Cause y'know, if the crab in that classic Japanese children's story had only known to throw flying squirrels at the monkey, the story would have been, well, shorter and more boring.
Posted by: Johnny Vector | August 7, 2010 12:35 PM
Woo hoo! I'm a fish-bulb and I have no idea why!
[Dingo gratefully takes inexplicable tiara from cute Japanese presenter and quickly exits the building before they reconsider their decision] - Dingo
Posted by: Dingojack | August 7, 2010 12:44 PM
I didn't peg them to be fans of The State. Huh.
Posted by: CTC | August 7, 2010 1:30 PM
Posted by: Herod the Freemason | August 7, 2010 2:49 PM
Wake up, wake up, to the flying monkey threat! They'll get us, my pretties!
Posted by: Kristine | August 7, 2010 4:54 PM
Wait, wait... don't tell me...
http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=35
(bluff the listener)
Posted by: Anon | August 7, 2010 11:14 PM
I don't know about flying squirrels, but if you want flying monkeys, it's already been done:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_(TV_series)
That *was* what you were talking about, DJ? Wasn't it?
Posted by: zackoz | August 8, 2010 4:57 AM
zackoz - I was working toward it but I thought it might be a little obscure for our American cousins (bear in mind they know little outside their own countries, on average*).
I was thinking more Greek Mythology.
Once upon a time there was a Spartan king called Tyndareus who had a daughter called Leda (or Lede). She was so beautiful that even Zeus, father of the Gods, was enchanted, so he appeared to to Leda in the form of a swan. After a brief 'courtship' they had sex.
In time she laid two eggs, one containing Polydeuces (Pollux) and Helen, then other containing Castor and Clytemnestra. None ended well.
Sheesh, don't you guys do Greek Mythos - Dingo
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* There are, locally, notable exceptions to the rule
Posted by: DingoJack | August 8, 2010 10:52 AM
Weird, but I was more perplexed by your use of the word "lede". Is that a real word? I always thought it was "lead paragraph" (as in the one that leads all the others). Since nobody else has asked, it must be, which makes me feel dumb.
Posted by: peter | August 8, 2010 11:08 AM
To answer your question, peter, Americans, particularly 'journalists'*, have difficulty identifying their own country on a world map, let alone spelling simple words.
The term 'lede' came in use in the uncivilised parts of the Western World during the 1950's , although it didn't become standard until the mid-seventies.
Dingo
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* Spelling, Grammar and the like took a back seat to the "Journalist's" first dictum, "never let the facts get in the way of a good story". A dictum that has come to rule the profession (such as is is).
Posted by: DingoJack | August 8, 2010 11:19 AM
Those flying Squirrels should watch out:
:) Dingo
Posted by: DingoJack | August 8, 2010 11:48 AM
@peter:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lede
Posted by: Chris From Europe | August 8, 2010 11:53 AM
Peter, you aren't alone. I didn't know about this evolution from "lead" to "lede" until recently, and my first degree was in journalism in 1977 (but quickly got out of the field). I thought those mentioning it were just bad spellers, so when it kept appearing, I looked it up. The Spelling Purist in me was somewhat saddened that it was a correct distinction. C'est la vie.
Posted by: momkat | August 8, 2010 12:49 PM
Do not taunt dynamite monkey.
Posted by: Macacque | August 8, 2010 3:20 PM
Yeah, finally! I graduated from Journalism School in 1950, and I had never heard of "lede". I, too, thought it was a misspelling, until it kept appearing in various blogs I was reading. Finally, upon looking it up, there it was. Why did they never tell me in Journalism School? Because, apparently they didn't know any different, either.
Posted by: Cub | August 9, 2010 4:02 PM
Well, we can agree animal behavior research, and in particular, primate behavior research are worthwhile fields, right? I mean, we can learn things about ourselves by learning about our closest cousins, but even without that, scientific work on animal behavior is worthwhile in its own right, don't you think?
Is it really surprising at all that there are primate behavior researchers who focus on aggression responses? I assumed the author was either talking about folks specializing in that, or was just trying to be cute and referring to primate behavior researchers generally.
I mean, it's funny to think of macaque monkeys getting enraged while flying squirrels swoop around them, but I really don't get what's so ridiculous about studying particular neurological responses to stimuli in primates.
Posted by: Dan L. | August 11, 2010 11:42 AM