Ed Brayton is a journalist, commentator and speaker. He is the co-founder and president of 
New York magazine catches God running around with at least three of the Republican candidates, all of whom seem to think that he only has eyes for them.
After a thorough investigation, Daily Intel has discovered that God is separately backing at least three different contenders for the Republican presidential nomination. Over the course of the past few months and even years, God has sent signs and direct messages to each of these candidates encouraging them to run, presumably without telling them that he supports other candidates as well.
They then run through all the various statements from Herman Cain, Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum about how God wants them to be president. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; I hear he's been sending pictures of his tallywhacker to Sarah Palin on Twitter too.
Politics
Comments
I didn't catch the part in the debate last night where John King asked them which candidate actually endorsed
Posted by: Dennis N | June 14, 2011 12:38 PM
I read some where that he has a thing for newly married virgins.
Posted by: Mr Ed | June 14, 2011 12:43 PM
God only tells them to run -- He never tells them they're going to win. Some He only means to serve as examples. Or something. Mysterious ways and all that.
Posted by: Nemo | June 14, 2011 12:44 PM
Must be that 3-in-1 Trinity thing.
Posted by: feralboy12 | June 14, 2011 12:52 PM
Clearly god is a slut.
Posted by: Rob Jase | June 14, 2011 12:58 PM
i wish god would tell them all to STFU.
Posted by: rob | June 14, 2011 1:01 PM
Just remember, having God's endorsement isn't always a sign of good things to come (see John the Baptist). The job usually comes with a high likelihood of martyrdom.
Posted by: Mu | June 14, 2011 1:02 PM
God loves us. The more republicans running the more laughs we have.
Posted by: gski | June 14, 2011 1:03 PM
The Holy Ghost?
Posted by: dogmeat | June 14, 2011 1:06 PM
"I hear he's been sending pictures of his tallywhacker to Sarah Palin on Twitter too."
Rsalm 23:4.
Posted by: Suricou Raven | June 14, 2011 1:11 PM
See, if we actually had a biased godless liberal media like the wingnuts say we do, they'd be publicly asking all the candidates about this. Has anyone in our "news" business even mentioned this?
Posted by: Raging Bee | June 14, 2011 1:11 PM
"I hear he's been sending pictures of his tallywhacker to Sarah Palin on Twitter too."
Psalm 23:4
Posted by: Suricou Raven | June 14, 2011 1:11 PM
Wait a minute! If God's trifecta should lose the election to an atheist Muslim, say, Barack Obama for instance, would that mean that Allah and/or Satan wins the smackdown? These things are so confusing.
Posted by: Nebularry | June 14, 2011 1:32 PM
God loves watching a trainwreck, just like the rest of us.
Posted by: Arakasi | June 14, 2011 1:36 PM
I may have to start believing in this "God" character. He always seems to want what the believers want when it comes to making decisions they can make without his input. It would be nice to be able to say that God wanted me to have that muffin yesterday...
Posted by: Tabby Lavalamp | June 14, 2011 1:43 PM
Suricou Raven, did you seriously just reference the line "His rod and staff, they comfort me"? (I'm guessing from the reference, since I haven't looked it up.)
Posted by: The Christian Cynic | June 14, 2011 2:06 PM
Maybe Suricou Raven is suggesting God has two penises?
Posted by: Composer99 | June 14, 2011 2:20 PM
See, if we actually had a biased godless liberal media like the wingnuts say we do, they'd be publicly asking all the candidates about this.
Hopefully not - what a waste of oxygen. I can't think of much which is less newsworthy than asking a candidate/sports team/whatever why they think God is on their side.
Let's save air time for asking them about their non-utterly-trivial-and-venal comments. (Granted, they might not have much left to say, but...)
Posted by: eric | June 14, 2011 2:29 PM
@ 16, well, the last line of verse (Kind James version), anyway... otherwise, is the nomination/selection process `the valley of the shadow of death'? Perhaps that, too..
Posted by: oldebabe | June 14, 2011 2:32 PM
Oh, it isn't god who matters - it's that space alien from weekly world news - the one who endorsed bush and clinton and obama. Once he makes his choice, it's all over
http://weeklyworldnews.com/?s=alien+endorses+Bush
Posted by: mmmwright | June 14, 2011 2:43 PM
If Bible god favors Bachmann he's a fucking idiot.
Posted by: Fifth Dentist | June 14, 2011 3:16 PM
Nah. Just that she has a wonderful sense of humor.
Posted by: Larry | June 14, 2011 3:33 PM
Or she likes one of our competitors.
Posted by: eric | June 14, 2011 3:43 PM
That is indeed what I referenced. Well, the verse just seemed so appropriate!
Posted by: Suricou Raven | June 14, 2011 4:11 PM
The holy duality?
Posted by: Doug Little | June 14, 2011 4:55 PM
No, just one. That would be the rod. The staff are the ones who take you aside afterwards and offer you hush money.
Posted by: Hercules Grytpype-Thynne | June 14, 2011 5:09 PM
@Mu
You say this like it's a bad thing.
Posted by: steve oberski | June 14, 2011 5:21 PM
Hercules @26 FTW.
Posted by: Doug Little | June 14, 2011 5:33 PM
God has a tallewhacker? What does he use it for?
Posted by: Thomas | June 14, 2011 6:27 PM
Smiting, silly.
Posted by: Decivre | June 14, 2011 8:05 PM
"What does he use it for?
If we're made in his image he uses it for the same thing we do. Internet porn!
Posted by: Fifth Dentist | June 14, 2011 8:08 PM
@31 Fifth Dentist: You made me bucksnort!
Posted by: Grumpy | June 14, 2011 8:20 PM
Actually, he likes to poke her.
Posted by: Dr X | June 14, 2011 9:36 PM
Well of god has two penises, reptiles usually do. All hail our Reptilian (hemipeni) Overlords!
If god keeps smiting like that he'll end up do something silly, like getting Sarah elected. - Dingo
Posted by: DingoJack | June 14, 2011 10:24 PM
I should be pissed at God, but I can't judge because I am also three-timing presidential candidates. They're candidates for president of the local beach volleyball club, but still it's basically the same thing.
Posted by: lofgren | June 14, 2011 10:43 PM
"Maybe Suricou Raven is suggesting God has two penises?"
Well how do you know that he doesn't?
Besides, I would think that many people would consider that a superpower.
PS, OT and all that, I've not heard back why, if God doesn't like onanism, he makes the diddler just the right size to fit in my hand...
'course God would need both hands.
Posted by: Wow | June 15, 2011 8:56 AM
Hang, on why do they both have to be on the front?
Maybe god has two so he can be in the middle, or spoon from either side.
Posted by: Wow | June 15, 2011 8:59 AM
Judging by his choices, God is clearly a Democrat.
Posted by: davem | June 15, 2011 10:48 AM
Folks, you're missing the point--the triune Christian God would obviously have THREE penises (penii?). After all, what do you think the Holy Spirit used when He knocked up the Virgin Mary?
Of course, God the Father's penis needs a little blue pill these days, while God the Son's is the only one that would've been circumcised--the alleged foreskin is supposed to still be knocking around someplace.
Posted by: Freemage | June 15, 2011 1:10 PM
Rats! I read that as, "God Three-waying..."!
I was hopin' for some HOT, GOD on GODbot action!!
Posted by: democommie | June 15, 2011 7:18 PM
The correct Latin plural is penes.
Posted by: Chris from Europe | June 15, 2011 7:46 PM
Chris in Europe:
Yeah, I knew that, from watching "The 300" in the original roman, or something like that.
Posted by: democommie | June 16, 2011 9:28 AM