Effect Measure

Indonesia and Nigeria have a couple of things in common. One is bird flu.

So far, both countries have a stubborn endemic infestation of the virus in their poultry, and neither has been successful in bringing it under control. Indonesia also has the distinction of more human fatalities from bird flu than any other nation, by far: 57 deaths. The closest runner-up is Vietnam with 42.

Not to worry. Indonesia will have this dire situation under control by this time next year:

Indonesia, which has the world’s highest bird flu death toll, plans to ramp up its fight against the virus and hopes to beat it by the end of 2007, a government official said on Friday.

Critics have said public ignorance, official ineptitude and lack of money are hampering efforts to stamp out the disease that has killed 57 people in Indonesia, the world’s fourth most populous country.

But the head of the government’s bird flu team told reporters Jakarta will raise funding, intensify its campaign to raise awareness of the disease, strengthen surveillance and restructure the country’s poultry industry to minimise the risk of further spread. (Reuters)

The Indonesian government will increase anti-bird flu funding by 10% (to $61 million) in 2007. That’s commitment. The international community, scared to death of what’s happening there, is almost doubling their aid, to an amount exceeding that of the Indonesian government ($65 million). The government is optimistic because they haven’t had a human case of bird flu for a month. Yes, a whole month.

What’s the other thing the new Indonesian bird flu scheme has in common with Nigeria?

Here’s the deal. Because bird flu is about to be tamed in Indonesia, there will be a vast sum of money tied up in a special bird flu account that can’t be spent on anything else. What I am going to tell you now you must keep in STRICTEST CONFIDENCE as it is highly secret and of enormous importance for you personally and for the poor children of Indonesia. I am telling you about this, and you alone, because I trust you and I know you trust me and the Indonesian officials who have assured us both they are stamping out bird flu in their country.

One of these highly competent and honest people is a high health official of the Indonesian government, known to me, who has access to the surplus bird flu funds that will be useless after they rid their country of the virus this year. Yes, useless. Because of the constraints on this money from international donors, he is asking for your help in freeing it up by importing it into your country, where it can then be used to buy essential goods and services for poor starving Indonesian children. For your trouble, he will compensate you with a share of the total amount.

Since the total sum may be as high as $70 million dollars, this official proposes to split it with you, 1.2% for you and 2.5% for him. In other words, by agreeing to receive the total amount into your personal bank account, you will keep $ 1.4 million, he will have available for his use $1.75 million, and most importantly for you, I know, the children of Indonesia will receive over $65 million in food, medicines, vaccines and badly needed goods and services, thanks to you. In order to make this wonderful opportunity happen — an opportunity made possible by Indonesia’s miraculous imminent stamping out of bird flu this next year — all you need to do is send him, on your personal letterhead, certain necessary banking information to allow the transfer of all funds into your account forthwith. He trusts you to keep only what you are entitled to and send him back the balance of the money, again from your account, so he can disburse it to the poor children of Indonesia.

Opportunities like this don’t happen more than once or twice a day, but you must act now. For the sake of the children.

Yours faithfully

revere/Revere

Comments

  1. #1 M. Randolph Kruger
    December 30, 2006

    Ah-God loves a pinging program and thats where you use it. Get their IP address which always is Amsterdam, the UK or Houston Texas. Now theres a use for a nuke. Small, low yield weapon….say 50 megatons? Anything to get rid of the Nigerian scam rings. Dont forget Benin too.

  2. #2 The-Best-Bird-Flu-Blogs-Team.
    December 30, 2006

    Unfortunately, according to a colleague, who has had a lot of experience in that country, a deal like that may actually be a real proposition, from a real official!

    JM

  3. #3 neil
    December 30, 2006

    New number to contact Indonesian Flu Funding Commission: Just dial 419..,

  4. #4 tony m
    December 30, 2006

    Hilarious, sad and pathetic all in one. Remind me not to send any money to Indonesia.
    Like M. Randolph says: “now theres a use for a nuke.”

  5. #5 Ground Zero Homeboy
    December 31, 2006

    MRK spake: Amsterdam, the UK or Houston Texas. Now theres a use for a nuke

    For once, MRK, I agree. I worked for the Enron corporation, and I wholeheartedly support nuking Houston.

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