Effect Measure

I’m a frustrated inventor. For years I’ve tried to market a set of wonderful ideas but can’t seem to interest the Big Boys in Corporate America. Threatened, I guess. Here are a few of my inventions:

Popply seed toothpaste
The toilet bowl cleaner that turns the water yellow.
A fifteen digit electronic caculator that approximates your answer to slide rule accuracy.
A leather tanning process that makes leather look like Naugahyde.
Clear, transparent venetian blinds.
A clear glass bathroom door so you can always see if there is someone in there before you try to go in.

These are obviously terrific ideas. I can’t imagine how anyone could wouldn’t want to market them. But maybe I’m wrong. So I am starting a contest. Use the Comment Thread. First Prize is a free subscription to the blog.

Comments

#1 JimV
January 14, 2008

Hot ice cream (perfect for those cold winter days).

On a more serious note, an accurate lie-detector (using MRI technology or some such), to be used to decide criminal court cases and evaluate political candidates.
#2 marquer
January 14, 2008

I wish I could take credit for this one: someone suggested that a nuclear winter would be the perfect mechanism to offset global warming.

–
#3 Janne
January 14, 2008

Clear venetian blinds are not a bad idea. If they absorb IR and UV effectively you can have a room with large, open windows letting in lots of light in the summer without heating up like a sauna. Now we close up the windows with curtains or blinds, creating a gloomy cave in our efforts to stay cool.

And what’s wrong with poppy seed toothpaste? I’m missing something I guess.

Let me suggest the Direct Feedback Thermos! Do you still have Hot Coffee? Is that ice tea still frosty cool or has it gone lukewarm and unappetizing? The DF Thermos has an outer metal shell in direct contact with the liquid inside, giving you instant feedback on its temperature! No more guessing, no more peering at tiny indicators – just touch the thermos and you’ll know in a moment exactly what temperature-differentiated goodness still await you within!
#4 Crudely Wrott
January 14, 2008

Foam rubber hammers for carpenters with hangovers.

Octagonal wheels for cars. You could know your speed by the frequency of the vibrations thus eliminating the need to take your eyes off the road to look at the speedometer.

Condoms with a built-in stiffening rod.

Astringent hand lotion to mask sweaty palms when you get nervous or are lying.

Tiny dental tools with which to pull the teeth of pubic lice. Would feature built in light and magnification.

Now, about those transparent venetian blinds. Good idea if they were half silvered like a two-way mirror. Only good on sunny days, though. ‘Course, every other user would probably hang them outside in.

Pencils with the lead and eraser on the same end. One’s mistakes would be automatically erased.

Enough. Must invent more.
#5 victoria
January 15, 2008

A reusable, breathable, plastic diaper. Soil it. Rinse off. In the washing machine. Dry on the line. Use it again. The porta potty for kids. No more diapers in land fill.
#6 anon
January 15, 2008

nostril-mask with two tubes from inside your nostrils
over your earpiece to a N95-filter on your back.
#7 Jordan Barab
January 15, 2008

Not quite an “invention,” but…

For public policy wonks: Pass laws that people think we already have. (“What do you mean we don’t have laws that require companies to show that chemicals are safe before people are exposed to them…”
#8 Dave Briggs
January 15, 2008

1. A computer that reads you mind so you can put down text at the speed of thought! Oh Ya, with spell check! LOL!
2. A great big long pipe that goes thousands of feet down into the ocean and pulls the water up at high pressure to run turbines at the surface and makes free electricity for the whole world! Hook up a Sterling engine to it too so that can produce electricity using ambient air as the hot side of it.
3. A machine that sequesters carbon from all the power plants in the world to make graphite to give all the school children free number 2 pencils, and all the pretty girls free diamonds! LOL!
Dave Briggs :~)
#9 Tasha
January 16, 2008

So far I have to vote for the nuclear winter… Cracked me up!
#10 paiwan
January 17, 2008

How about this invention?

My selected chicken babies not only resistant to H5N1 virus, but also provide natural vaccine provided that you consume 2 servings a week. Life time immunity guarantee, a total solution to BF.

Sorry, make many people (WHO included )lose jobs.