Effect Measure

Freethinker Sunday Sermonette: debaptism

There are some things that cannot be undone. You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. You can’t put the genie back in the bottle. You can’t flush the Holy Spirit once you have been Baptized. No, wait!

Belief in God symbolically evaporated when more than a hundred atheists were “de-baptized” with a blow dryer yesterday.

Organizers of the event in Westerville, described as a “coming out party” for atheists, agnostics and humanists, served root beer and crackers with peanut butter and honey to top off the late afternoon ceremony.

“Do you agree that the magical potency of today’s ceremony is exactly equal to the magical efficacy of ceremonial baptism with dihydrogen oxide, and do you agree that the power of all magical ceremonies is nonexistent?” Frank Zindler, president of American Atheists, said to launch the de-baptism.

After a resounding “amen” from the audience, the first person in line yelled, “Dry me brother! I’m free!” The crowd laughed as each person squeezed his or her eyes shut and walked underneath the blow dryer. (The Columbus Dispatch)

There’s a YouTube clip of the event but it’s not much to look at. Nobody is taking the ceremony seriously.

Just as it should be.


  1. #1 Sodding Wick
    August 17, 2008

    I always wondered what would happen if some prankster switched out the holy water for city water. Would the baptism fail? Would there be sparks, flames, smoke, fires? Or would the misbaptism be indistinguishable from a real baptism?

    The churchies get all fumey and spitty by this point, so I’m left still wondering.

  2. #2 Ace of Sevens
    August 17, 2008

    Protestants, who make up the bulk of U.S. Christians, don’t believe in holy water or any sort of magical object. So most baptisms in this neck of the woods are performed just fine with regular water.

  3. #3 Pierce R. Butler
    August 17, 2008

    It’s all just a bunch of hot air!

  4. #4 Neil
    August 17, 2008

    “No one is taking the ceremony seriously.”

    Well, they should take the symbolism at least a seriously as I take the symbolism of the prior ceremony..,

    With a big grain of salt, a chuckle, and a wink.

    By the way Sodding Wick, where do you think they get “Holy Water?” It come out of the tap. It’s not “Holy Water” until another equally superstitious and innefecive ceremony is performed on it.

  5. #5 Rick Pikul
    August 17, 2008

    It’s not just the Protestants who don’t need holy water: Roman Catholic baptisms, while normally performed by a priest with holy water, actually require neither.

  6. #6 A to the F
    August 20, 2008

    i assume everyone making jokes about holy water have never seen it burn a vampire — that stuff burns, yo!

  7. #7 themadlolscientist, FCD
    August 20, 2008

    ROFL =gasp= MAO!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!! Fun-NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!1!

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