Chelsea: Hey, Scott just called.
Me: … Yeah…?
Chelsea: Were on the volunteer list.
Me: $^(&!! I never got an email from that chick telling us what to do! I thought they didnt want us?!?!
Chelsea: Me too… But we might as well go get a free T-shirt!
Me: FREE T-SHIRT! Ill be in Norman in 15 minutes!
When I got to Norman, I was expecting a circus.
Instead I was greeted by several hundred people casually standing in line, happily chatting with new friends about our dip-shit legislators, having a grand ol time.
So my ‘volunteer’ duties consisted of doing what I do best: Being Debbie Downer.
Me: You gotta take your bag back to your car. They wont let you in with a bag that big.
Person: Its not a bag, its my purse!
Me: Yeaaaah, youre gonna have to take it back to your car.
Person: But I parked way over by Really Far Away Building!
Me: Yeeeaaaaaahhhh, youre gonna have to take it back and put it in your trunk or something.
Despite the campus polices concerns that someone was going to blow us up with a purse bomb, there werent any protesters around. Not a damn one. Dawkins crew was filming the crowd, asking people what they thought about TARD Bill 1014/1015 and such, and they were like “Um, where are all the protesters?” I wandered around with them for a bit, but I couldnt even find one Trinity Spawn, so I had to leave the film crew disappointed.
The doors opened at ~5:30. People calmly flowed in. Campus security ran through purses/jackets at light speed. At ~15 till, everyone was in, so I slid in to grab a back seat. Once again, the crowd was *perfect*. The place was full, but no one had to be turned away (there were still some crappy seats left open). Everyone who wanted to see Dawkins, got to see Dawkins (unless they refused to take their gigantic bags back to their car ).
We gave Dawkins a standing ovation before he even started. For respect, for thanks, and for ‘Holy crap, Richard Dawkins is speaking in Oklahoma right now. AAAAAAH!!!’
Dawkins started with a *perfect* reply to TARD Bills 1014/1015. He made fun of The Arguments Regarding Design– NOT Oklahoma. He praised our students, our Darwin Book Collection, our Natural History Museum… Then he donated $5,000 for Oklahomans for Excellence in Science Education. *blink* WHOOOO!!!!! His response was perfect.
Then he got into the meat of his talk. Others have gone over this, but others have left out a very important observation: Dawkins does ‘voices’ when he quotes people. You know, like how parents do ‘voices’ when they read to their kids? It was so lovely! I could have sat there listening to him read Chinese take-out menus, for all it mattered
The Q&A was great too. I was a little perturbed at a History of Science student asking a Q when he got to spend the day with Dawkins (share, kid), as there were three very long lines, and we didnt get to everyone. But everyones Qs were just super. About half way through, I turned to my friend Ian, and was like “Man we are SO a shoe-in for getting a DVD made of OUR talk! If they can filter out the occasional train whistle and clean up the auditorium-echo…”
Then The Crazy emerged. To our left, a nicely dressed gentleman lost it at the guy behind him “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!”
Evidently the target of this guys blow up was a crazy ass mother fucker, because he proceeded to stand up and start screaming about God and Jesus (and something about being a biologist, lol wut?). Now, we were in a basketball auditorium. Instead of taking the easy, back exit, crazy ass mother fucker takes the awkward twisty front stairs and walks towards Dawkins, messing with his jacket and a weird metal thing around his neck the whole time. Others started booing and laughing when this guy started ranting, but honestly, I was fucking scared. I thought the guy was going to shoot/blow us all up.
Crazy mother fuckers are funny on YouTube.
They are not funny when they are 50 feet away from you.
But OUPD swiftly escorted the crazy ass mother fucker to the exit, including a guy I was making fun of all night because he was wearing his sunglasses indoors. Well, sorry security guy I was making fun of– You can wear sunglasses indoors all you want if you get rid of the crazies.
After about an hour of Qs, Dawkins got another standing ovation, and people started lining up for autographs. Alas, I hadnt eaten since noon, and by 9:30 I was about to resort to cannibalism, so I didnt stick around. I rounded up Vic and Richard Broughton and Nick Matzke and a few more cool pro-science folks and we got beer, pizza, and cheese-stuffed pretzels. YAY!
The evening ended when me and Ian walked Nick back to his bed-and-breakfast.
Me: Nick, I gotta pee before I drive home.
Nick: Come on up!…… Wait, is this part of a scheme to kidnap Dawkins?
Me: Where is Dawkins staying???
Nick: That room *points*
Me: Oh my god Im peeing 10 feet away from a sleeping Richard Dawkins. *blink* WHOOO!!!
Bye, Richard! Thanks for all the fish! And the $5,000!