Star Wipe. 3:38. Not joking.

Star Wipe

Lisa: OK, I finished editing the gardening sequence. . .
Homer: OK, from here we star wipe to a glamour shot of Flanders paying his bills, then we star wipe to Flanders brushing his teeth. . .
Lisa: Dad, there are other wipes besides star wipes. . .
Homer: Why eat hamburger when you can have steak?
Lisa: I’m taking my name off this thing.

OMFG YOU GUYS!

Lenny Horowitz has figured out our Swine Flu master plan!!!!

1. Release genetically engineered H1N1 virus onto humanity.
2. Kill lots of people.
3. ???
4. PROFIT!!

And we would have gotten away with it too, if it werent for you meddling dentists!

Comments

  1. #1 Barklikeadog
    April 29, 2009

    I couldn’t sit through that. I assume he is a conspiracy theorists?

  2. #2 ERV
    April 29, 2009

    What? No! Dr. Leonard Horowitz is, like, a for realsies doctor and stuff.

    See?

  3. #3 John Danley
    April 29, 2009

    I think his sweater has contracted an exogenous case of gaudy.

  4. #4 John Danley
    April 29, 2009

    Ah, I can see clearly now the brain is gone. Must be the silver bonding/particle/oxidation/anti-microbial inhibitors.

  5. #5 biopunk
    April 29, 2009

    But he’s an *annoying air quotation marks* Award Winning Public Health Expert! And an Award Winning Author of 16 Books! And an Award Winning Humanitarian! He’s won Awards! He has to be right! You can’t possibly have won awards and be wrong! No way!

  6. #6 LostMarbles
    April 29, 2009

    What’s with the anti-science crowd and terrible sweaters? First Dembski and now this lunatic.

  7. #7 Sunny Day
    April 29, 2009

    “What’s with the anti-science crowd and terrible sweaters? First Dembski and now this lunatic.”

    Sweaters make you appear less threatening and “homey”. They are not as standoffish/intimidating as Suits or as trashy as jeans and a shirt. Its a common dressing tactic that defending lawyers use when they want to portray their batshit insane clients as nice people.

  8. #8 LostMarbles
    April 29, 2009

    So what you’re saying is that Lenny Horowitz would appear even more insane without the gaudy sweater. I have trouble imagining that.

  9. #9 Raimund
    April 29, 2009

    the site that they shamelessly promote is hilarious too.

    OXYSILVER™ is produced through unique energetic processes using laser light, sound, and silver to electro-magnetically activate the hydrosol to deliver a 528Hz frequency of natural harmony to your body. This important harmonic is amplified by tiny, electrically-conductive, nano-sized silver particles bonded to oxygen in this water containing pure lava-heated steam harvested on the Big Island of Hawaii. 528Hz hydrosonics is fundamental to health, wellness, and all creation.

    so they collect steam from Kilauea? Also, if I recall correctly from high school chem class, silver ions are quite toxic indeed!

    Anyway, check out their company mission statement:”To celebrate the manifestation of Divinity in biology, health science, and emerging biospiritual technologies, and through our loving service, deliver the most advanced knowledge and equipment for personal and planetary purification, physical salvation, and spiritual evolution.”

    What did the duck say to the homeopathist?

    “For nearly a quarter century, Dr. Len Horowitz (a.k.a., Leonard G. Horowitz, D.M.D., M.A., M.P.H., D.N.M., D.M.M. ) has earned this reputation. He is far and away healthcare’s most riveting motivational speaker ; a Robin Hood of sorts who steals trade secrets from global industrialists and drug companies and freely distributes them to the masses of common folks for their own protection and physical salvation.”

    That’s right, folks. He says QUACK!

  10. #10 Sili
    April 29, 2009

    No, no, no, you’ve got it all backwards.

    The ‘sweaters’ are an alien race here to eat our brains and make us stoopeed. Much like Boris Johnson’s hair.

  11. #11 Joshua Zelinsky
    April 29, 2009

    Now we just need Duesberg to decide that the virus isn’t the actual cause. Then we can have them debate on kook radio again!

  12. #12 HalfMooner
    April 29, 2009

    I’d say dentist Horowitz was crazy, except he profits enormously by his deadly lies. They help him sell his quack nostrums. This guy needs to be tried, thrown in jail, and have the key lost.

  13. #13 JimNorth
    April 29, 2009

    Hey! I kinda like that sweater. Got some like it in my bottom drawers somewhere. And I’m not insane either. At least that’s what I keep telling my wife and Harvey.

  14. #14 Jonathan
    April 29, 2009

    Yay! My country is implicated in a sinister vaccine conspiracy! Makes me proud to be British.

    I’m not familiar with this guy: someone tell me that he’s not for real!

  15. #15 Jared
    April 29, 2009
  16. #16 slang
    April 29, 2009

    Oh man.. the eyebrows… the scary music.. the horrible sound quality.. teh d00m! Does he move his face like that in face to face discussions? How can anyone refrain from bursting out laughing on seeing that?

  17. #17 Patrick
    April 29, 2009

    Why, he sounds absolutely “Quaisy!”

  18. #18 Magnus
    April 29, 2009

    Why does he have NASA logos all over his booth?

  19. #19 Art
    April 29, 2009

    A sales pitch wrapped in an advertisement; wrapped in a conspiracy hypothesis; wrapped in slander.

    The people he accuses should sure him for slander. Novovax should sue him for stock manipulation ans defamation.

    I love how he pronounces Quasi as “quazy”, rhymes with crazy and uses scientific terms he obviously has no understanding of.

  20. #20 MTiffany
    April 29, 2009

    My goodness. He has won so many awards! Does anyone know, has he ever won the prestigious ‘Burnsy?’ The Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence? Because that would be really kewl if he did. And did anyone else see him at least season’s Springfield Awards?

  21. #21 William Wallace
    April 29, 2009

    The news media is certainly capitalizing on public fears, as are manufacturers of anti-viral drugs, N95 masks, and so on.

    I wonder why liberals aren’t suggesting that we have a windfall profit tax enacted against the media, pharmaceutical, and medical supply corporations profiting from the flu panic of 2009.

    But, honestly, in the presence of shoddy reporting, fearmongering, history, and 24, it is no wonder why we have conspiracy theories popping up. It was inevitable.

    I don’t think profit would cause any sane person to want to intentionally engineer H1N1 and release it.

    And considering that, roughly, 150,000 people are dieing everyday on this planet for other reasons, the relatively infinitesimal number deaths from flu are being blown way out of proportion by the media and political spokespersons. (Hopefully I won’t be proven wrong on this point.)

    On the other hand, a mad scientist might do it for reasons than financial gain. For example, a scientist who thinks the world is over populated. I heard there is no shortage of biologists who believe the planet has too many humans. Or what about Bruce Edwards Ivins–what was his motivation?

    I just watched the video. I call false-flag disinformation.

    I’ll leave you all to your regularly scheduled discussion of your opponents fashion acumen.

  22. #22 Joshua Zelinsky
    April 29, 2009

    I’m pretty sure I have sweaters that are uglier than that. But if I were making a video I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t wear them…

  23. #23 Optimus Primate
    April 29, 2009

    OMFSM, y’all! Kudos to anyone who managed to sit through all of that. I bugged out before the two-minute mark, and I have a ridiculously high tolerance for crazy, given all the exposure to my fundypublican father-in-law.

  24. #24 Corn
    April 30, 2009

    I honestly thought that was satire. Hell, I still do. There simply can’t be people out there who think that, and who have put that much shoddy research into it, and who would be willing to put the time and effort into making that, and who seem to go through a lot to produce a 10-minute video so absurdly dense with logical fallacies and contradictions without the intention of evoking some level of uncontrollable laughter. Maybe I put too much faith in humanity.

  25. #25 Der Bruno Stroszek
    April 30, 2009

    I heard there is no shortage of biologists who believe the planet has too many humans.

    *facepalm*

    Look, Willie, not everyone who fails to go along with your crap is Lex Luthor, OK? Yes, there are a lot of people who are concerned that our current rate of population growth is unsustainable. To imply that such a concern makes someone a mass murder suspect, however, is like saying “Mom keeps telling me my bedroom’s a mess, so she must have been the person who set our house on fire!”

    I just watched the video. I call false-flag disinformation.

    Of course you do. You can’t accept that this fuckwit is your side. This is who you’ve allied yourself with in your crusade against reason, sense and evidence. Not only are there people this dumb out there, they’re nowhere near important enough to run a smear campaign against. They smear themselves with these ridiculous arguments, with swine-flu conspiracy theories and hilarious phrases like “false-flag disinformation”. Now, go back to tugging yourself off over Loose Change, there’s a good boy.

  26. #26 William Wallace
    April 30, 2009

    Look, Willie, not everyone who fails to go along with your crap is Lex Luthor, OK?

    Who said otherwise? But the fact is, we have recent examples of microbiologists either committing terrorism, or gleefully talking about population decimation.

    You would certainly be concerned if the computer programmer responsible for implementing secure crypto-protocalls for our nations nuclear arsenal also thought the U.S. was the great satan. Why shouldn’t we be more carefully regulating wich scientists have immediate access to potentially deadly and uncontainable pathogens? A Ph.D. doesn’t make you stable, sane, or moral.

    Mom keeps telling me my bedroom’s a mess, so she must have been the person who set our house on fire!

    If a mother had been publicly fantasizing about her house being burned down because her kids’ rooms were unkempt, and the house burned down, and the mothers rantings came to the attention of the firechief, I am quite sure that line of evidence would be investigated. And if the media doesn’t talk about this investigation, you can expect the mothers’ neighbors, aware of her previous threats, to gossip anyway.

    You can’t accept that this fuckwit is your side.

    Not my side. I think this is a silly flu scare. Indeed, it seems to me that certain administrators within relevant agencies (CDC, WHO, various state departments of heath) are capitalizing on fears for short term funding potential, forgetting about the “little boy who cried wolf” fable.

  27. #27 Jonathan
    April 30, 2009

    William Wallace-

    “Who said otherwise? But the fact is, we have recent examples of microbiologists either committing terrorism, or gleefully talking about population decimation.”

    Examples, please?

  28. #28 minimalist
    April 30, 2009

    Oh, Wally, pulling the “repeat the same crap 6-8 months later and hope nobody remembers it was soundly spanked into oblivion” thing again? (comments 74 onward)

    Not surprising.

  29. #29 William Wallace
    April 30, 2009

    Jonathan, I’ve already alluded to some eyebrow raising instances. Bruce Edwards Ivins (Anthrax terrorism); USAMRIID (criminal investigation of missing virus samples announced in February of 2009); Dr. Pianka (population decimation).

    Many biologists do believe that the world is overpopulated–no surprise. Many also seem to believe that anthropocentrism is tantamount to bigotry, but correct me if I am being unfair here as best you can. And the military does do research in biological weapons, sometimes on an unwitting public (let me know if you need examples here, too).

    Regarding the USAMRIID case, criminal investigations do not imply any crime actually occurred, so the USAMRIID could turn out to another instance of sloppy bookkeeping or sloppy journalism.

    And in the case of the current flu, we don’t have enough information. The flu does not seem to me to be a particularly virulent or pernicious strain, but time may certainly prove me wrong on this.

    I hope time does not prove me wrong.

    Meanwhile, it seems that this is much ado about another flu, exaggerated to fuel sales of newspapers and media advertising, N95 respirators, and increase infectious disease budgets.

  30. #30 minimalist
    April 30, 2009

    …Yeah, or you could just wait an hour before repeating the same crap as if it hadn’t been pre-stomped.

    Pathetic, Limp Willy. Truly, truly pathetic.

  31. #31 William Wallace
    April 30, 2009

    minimalist, keep declaring victory if it makes your feel good.

  32. #32 William Wallace
    April 30, 2009

    Meanwhile, a 20 pack of N95 masks that usually cost about $11 at Sam’s Club are going for $40-$80 at Amazon. See Bestsellers in Health & Personal Care @Amazon for example.

    When will we have congressional hearings on these greedy people trying to make a buck off of others’ fears? Windfall tax them out of existence!

  33. #33 LanceR, JSG
    April 30, 2009

    Yep. Limp Willy Arguments 101:

    1. Repeat the same nonsense that’s been debunked.
    2. Claim to be misunderstood/misquoted.
    3. Point out something completely irrelevant to the topic.
    4. ???
    5. Claim victory!!

    Price spikes in certain equipment couldn’t *possibly* have anything to do with limited supply in a time of higher demand, right?

    Put it back in your pants, Limp Willy. You’ve got nothing. Just more “Stop Beating Your Wife Yet” questions.

  34. #34 William Wallace
    April 30, 2009

    1. Claim that something was debunked.
    2. Provide link as though it shows it was debunked.
    3. Call names.
    4. ???
    5. Claim victory!!

    Whatever.

  35. #35 jon
    April 30, 2009

    @ WW #34

    Whatever.

    Translation:
    Sniff…Sniff…BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

  36. #36 LanceR, JSG
    April 30, 2009

    Wow. The “Nuh-uh, *YOU’RE* the one who…” defense. What a great comeback, Limp Willy. You sure told us. Right down to copying the original exactly. Wow.

  37. #37 Jonathan
    April 30, 2009

    William Wallace-

    “Meanwhile, it seems that this is much ado about another flu, exaggerated to fuel sales of newspapers and media advertising, N95 respirators, and increase infectious disease budgets.”

    Go tell that to the Mexicans. Their economy is suffering because of this.

  38. #38 William Wallace
    April 30, 2009

    Jonathan:

    Go tell that to the Mexicans. Their economy is suffering because of this.

    Yes, as are the airlines with Joe Biden’s scaremongering.

    Does “this”==flu, or “this”==flu scare?

  39. #39 Jonathan
    April 30, 2009

    William Wallace-

    “This” equals flu.

    People have died in Mexico, it’s where the flu is doing the most damage. With the quarantining and lack of movement, fewer people are going to work, and that will have a knock-on effect on the economy. Plus the various healthcare costs involved. I wouldn’t be surprised if foreign investment has taken a hit. Plus the damage to the pork industry, of course!

  40. #40 William Wallace
    April 30, 2009

    How many people die each day in automobile accidents in Mexico compared to this flu? How many pigs in Mexico have been confirmed to have this flu? Can you get the flu after eating cooked pork? Do people eat raw pork, or not wash their hands after eating pork? Do we even know if this virus can be transmitted simply by being in the same room as another?

    Seems that many people are over-reacting to this, and that it is a panic not based on science. But I haven’t been following it that closely, so I could be wrong. Do you think the fears are blown out of proportion compared to the reality of the situation?

  41. #41 Scott Hatfield, OM
    April 30, 2009

    We can joke about this guy’s act, but this is really pure evil. He projects a ‘genocide-for-profit’ model on the CDC and others, but at the end of his ten minutes of hysteria he’s pitching one of those endless ‘silver ion’ products that the tinfoil hat crowd loves, with a specific pitch aimed at exploiting the fear of the supposedly bio-engineered virus.

    BTW, ‘silver ion’ hokum has been a regular feature of right wing conspiracy buffs for ages. Every time I ran into someone telling me that the Masons and the Illuminati ran the Federal Reserve, they also had this stuff to sell me.

  42. #42 windy
    May 1, 2009

    Can you get the flu after eating cooked pork? Do people eat raw pork, or not wash their hands after eating pork?

    Come on WW, flu is a respiratory disease…

  43. #43 William Wallace
    May 1, 2009

    Come on WW, flu is a respiratory disease…

    That is what I thought, but then why is the media talking about pork shortages, Egypt killing pigs (who in Egypt buys pork anyway), other countries trying to ban importation of pork from the U.S. and Mexico?

    And has anybody read about a single pig that was confirmed to have this virus?

  44. #44 windy
    May 1, 2009

    That is what I thought, but then why is the media talking about pork shortages, Egypt killing pigs (who in Egypt buys pork anyway), other countries trying to ban importation of pork from the U.S. and Mexico?

    Because the media reports on all kinds of things, even if they are caused by people acting stupid.

  45. #45 Jonathan
    May 1, 2009

    William Wallace-

    “Do we even know if this virus can be transmitted simply by being in the same room as another?”

    Of course. It’s flu.

    And the media are overreacting, big surprise there. People acting stupid: ditto. That still doesn’t mean that the flu isn’t a serious issue.

  46. #46 crs
    May 1, 2009

    Lenny seems to have lifted his theory from Watchmen. Maybe he is projecting and has Ozymandias envy. A virus is no giant squid, but it’s a start I guess. Head –> wall. Sheeesh.

  47. #47 DJD
    May 1, 2009

    (posted this in the wrong thread earlier because… well let’s face it, I’m stupid.)

    Just for the sake of argument, suppose some crazy mad scientist actually did create a doomsday virus and delivered it to the population. Let’s further suppose that scientists isolate the killer virus and no criminal conspiracy evidence emerges (you know like an email saying “Boss, the death gel idea worked great! Doom Virus is ready for distribution. Love, Igor.” or Condoleeza Rice saying something like “If the president says it’s ok to make doom germs then it’s ok to make doom germs.”)

    How would scientists go about discovering if the virus was designed? What kinds of design fingerprints would Dr. Evil leave on his creation, if any? If scientists weren’t specifically looking for evidence of design (just focusing on what the thing was and how to cure it), what kinds of things would tip them off that it was designed? I’d ask an ID guy but then I remembered they know sweet FA about design.

  48. #48 eddie
    May 1, 2009

    You gotta hand it to him for one thing, though. He managed to say in one sentence, and with a straight face;

    “Don’t pollute yourself with heavy metals like mercury and aluminium. Use silver instead”.

  49. #49 neil
    May 3, 2009

    Mr Wallace,

    You really should get better informed before proclaiming judgement.

    To address some of your points.

    Swine flu has been known to be endemic in pig populations for many years.
    This new variant does infect person to person, this is shown by some basic epidemiology i.e there have been cases where the person has had no contact with pigs but has had contact with infected persons.

    Are people profiteering from this? YES some are this is despicable but does not mean the whole business is made up.

    The catch-22 of this is that by the time you can know for sure that a newly emerged virus is going to cause a pandemic with a large death toll it is too late to do anything about it.
    The point at which actions must be taken to reduce the overall effect of such a virus is before we have enough data to know it’s needed.
    Probably this new swine flu strain will be a flash in the pan and wont escalate to far, but it is too early to know that for sure. There is reason to believe that it might not be, we know it is transferable person to person, we know it can kill, we know that it is related to viruses that have caused major pandemics.
    Therefore it is only prudent to take measures now, even with so many ‘maybes’ attached. It is not just a ‘scare’ at this point.

  50. #50 Birger Johansson
    January 29, 2010

    “1. Release genetically engineered H1N1 onto humanity.
    2. Kill lots of people.
    3. ???
    4. PROFIT!! ”

    “South Park” had a more credible business plan in the episode about the Underpants Gnomes:
    1. Steal underpants
    2. ???
    3. PROFIT!!

    Sometimes, when I listen to various debates, I suspect we live inside a South Park episode.

  51. #51 rogshop
    http://www.rogshop.com/
    July 1, 2012

    With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright infringement? My blog has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my permission. Do you know any ways to help protect against content from being stolen? I’d definitely appreciate it.