*GAG* GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!

Continuing this weeks theme of spewing–

Drove home to visit the parents for a few days (dial-up country w00t!– expect spammed comments to stay spammed for a while, sry). While Im sure you all are under the impression Im high-society and enjoy luxury, there are few things that make me happier than a bag of Doritos, and an ice cold bottle of the best soda ever made, Mountain Dew (Red Mountain Dew and Blue Mountain Dew are close seconds).

However I cant justify buying these items very often, so normally I buy them as a treat for the (long) drive home to visit the parents.

This time I tried a bag of ‘Last Call JalapeƱo Popper’ flavored Doritos– LUV! Seriously glad I didnt get a huge bag, cause I would have eaten them ALL. Arnie didnt even get one. Yeah.

I also grabbed a bottle of Mountain Dew ‘Throw Back’– Mountain Dew made with ‘natural sugar’ instead of high-fructose corn syrup that everyone tells me is killing us all. Oooh ‘natural’! Wacky! *sip*

GAAAAAAAAAK!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKK!!

THIS IS THE GROSSEST SHIT EVAH! WTF! I would drink a bottle of aspartame water before I would drink a bottle of ‘natural’ Mountain Dew again! GAAAAAAAAAK!!

I like my GMO cheese and my high-fructose corn syrup pop. Natural is officially disgusting.

Comments

  1. #1 Paper Hand
    May 30, 2009

    the best soda ever made, Mountain Dew

    I always knew you were cool! :D

  2. #2 dreikin
    May 30, 2009

    Yum indeed. But now that Mountain Dew’s got Red, Green, and Blue colors, I wonder if anyone’s used them to make some sort of screen yet…

    Shouldn’t be too hard – make a pixel array of shot glasses each filled with a different color of mountain dew with some LEDs underneath – artsy AND tasty!

  3. #3 Tyler DiPietro
    May 30, 2009

    I tried to Pepsi Throwback and while ago, I couldn’t taste any difference between it and regular Pepsi. Maybe I just can’t detect the nuances of soda flavor.

  4. #4 Burch
    May 30, 2009

    That’s weird. Considering that Coke and Dr. Pepper with real sugar are 100,000x better than with corn syrup. And do they still make red and blue mountain dew?

  5. #5 Nentuaby
    May 30, 2009

    Hmmm, Cola is infinitely better with real sugar, but I can easily see why Mountain Dew would be terrible. The Day-Glo Nectar of the Gods is an innately artificial experience. It is simply other and separate from anything natural, good as the natural may be.

  6. #6 King of Ferrets
    May 30, 2009

    What? Mountain dew? Heretical blasphemous heresy! Burn the heretic!

  7. #7 BluegrassGeek
    May 30, 2009

    Bah, you kids these days and your “corn syrup.” We had real sugar in our sodas when I was a kid, and we LIKED it!

    *ahem* Sorry. :) I much prefer Throwback with real sugar to the regular stuff.

  8. #8 Thanny
    May 31, 2009

    The blue Mountain Dew looks like Nuka Cola Quantum.

    Back when I lived in the Missouri sticks, the soda of choice was Mello Yello.

  9. #9 patrick
    May 31, 2009

    I’m an infrequent postet, but i’m afraid I take issue with one of your premeses, and cannot let it go unchallenged:

    ‘Last Call Jalepeno Poppers’ Doritos were almost certainly developed by Hitler and birthed by Satan himself. My tongue has not yet forgiven me for letting one of these abominations touch it over a month ago.

  10. #10 Sili
    May 31, 2009

    But but but … it doesn’t make sense to carbondate bones of a Tyrannosaurus rex (don’t give me that look – that part wasn’t dubbed. Of course you can carbondate a Jesusaurus rex (assuming you can find one)).

    Call me odd, but I rather like the idea of rennet being cut out of wee calves.

  11. #11 Mobius
    May 31, 2009

    It’s amazing some of the things companies will do to ruin their product. You are probably too young to remember the New Coke fiasco, but there you go.

    And, IMHO, while Mt. Dew is good, Classic Coke is still the best soda EVAR!!! Sorry.

    BTW…I have discovered the Missydog likes…no make that loves…pretzels. Now every time I open the bag she comes up and stares at me with big sad brown eyes until I give her one…and another and another. Hope springs eternal in the heart of a puppy.

  12. #12 W. Kevin Vicklund
    May 31, 2009

    Having experienced the joys of Coke with real sugar (both Canadian and kosher Coke) -not to mention the fact that I’m allergic to corn- I was so excited to discover Throwback Dew. Right up to three seconds after I took my first sip, and that horrible aftertaste took hold. How the fuck does “natural sugar” have an aftertaste of aspartame? Something is seriously fucked up in the mix. It tasted exactly like Diet Dew, one of the most vile concoctions in the history of carbonated beverages. Also note that the Throwback doesn’t have orange juice as an ingredient.

  13. #13 JD
    May 31, 2009

    Jenny McCarthy uses o’ naturale Mountain Dew to cure autism.

  14. #14 Strider
    May 31, 2009

    You know you only think MD is the best soda evar because you were born in the south. If you were born in Africa it would be Coca-cola!

  15. #15 Ranson
    May 31, 2009

    Bah. One cannot top the sweet, sweet, malted battery-acid taste that is Jolt. Sweet, sweet Jolt

  16. #16 Mobius
    May 31, 2009

    Ransom (#15) is just addicted to the massive infusion of caffeine.

  17. #17 The Backpacker
    May 31, 2009

    First shut up, MD Throwback is the best thing since man discovered BEER MMMMMM beer. Second don’t make fun of the natural/organics the dairy and the produce taste way better. Although a “natural” soda is antithetical to the whole idea.

  18. #18 Ranson
    June 1, 2009

    @ Mobius

    Just because I can vibrate through solid objects, does that make me wrong? ;)

  19. #19 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    June 1, 2009

    the best soda ever made,

    You’ve obviously never have a Cheerwine in a glass bottle made with real cane sugar.

  20. #20 Stephen Wells
    June 1, 2009

    “Natural is officially disgusting” :) Now that is a great tagline for a biologist. Also you seem to be turning into JK Huysmans. A rebours!

  21. #21 Ranson
    June 1, 2009

    @ RBDC

    I used to live in the city where Cheerwine and that other vile concoction, Sun Drop, are made. I still eat at some of the restaurants across the street from the plant. I wouldn’t foist that stuff off on anyone. I’m told it’s an acquired taste; I think I’m fortunate that I’ve managed to avoid acquiring it.*

    *Note that my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek. I am just giving Cheerwine a lot of shit because it’s so ubiquitous around here, rather than any actual aversion.** I had never heard of the stuff until I moved to the Carolinas, and living in its actual hometown makes it that much more pervasive.

    **Sun Drop is shit, though.

  22. #22 stogoe
    June 1, 2009

    I can understand not liking Real SugarTM Mitten Dew, but Red Mitten Dew is beyond disgusting. Just thinking about Red Mitten Dew makes me want to cause prolonged pain in other people. It’s one step from barf in a can. Black Mitten Dew wasn’t bad, though, so maybe I should give Antifreeze Mitten Dew a try.

  23. #23 eddie
    June 1, 2009

    Irn Bru is the best.
    In the original 750ml screw-top botles, or in cans at a pinch. The plastic bottled stuff has an additive to make it not eat its way out. (All plastic bottled soda does this.)
    Also, the stuff is exported as syrup and local water is added. This makes for interesting variations due to chalkiness.
    Goes well with bacon.

  24. #24 Prometheus
    June 1, 2009

    Hmmmm I have a case of Mexican cane sugar Cokes and 2 six packs of Dublin Dr. Pepper that I have been guarding and rationing. They are like a tastebud time machine.

    I think we have formulas calibrated to the sweetener, because I have tried a few things purportedly improved by using real sugar that have tasted wretched.

    The crown king of all bottled candy bars is however….

    The 9 dollar bottle of Virgil’s hand brewed Bavarian nutmeg root beer.

    Hubba Hubba.

    P.S. Never let anyone talk you into drinking Moxie. It tastes like the rain water that collects in the bottom of an old tractor tire only not as good.

  25. #25 TomJoe
    June 1, 2009

    I was going to mention the goodness of Cheerwine, but the Reverend in post #19 already has.

  26. #26 Pieter B
    June 1, 2009

    You’re lucky that the use of “natural” and “Mountain Dew” in the same sentence didn’t fry logic circuits in your computer. It’s a good thing you were on dialup.

  27. #27 Fitz
    June 2, 2009

    Mountain Dew? Ewww I’ll take a crab juice.

    I have to second eddie’s vote for Irn Bru. No better hangover cure has yet been discovered. Also clears blocked drains.

  28. #28 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    June 2, 2009

    I used to live in the city where Cheerwine and that other vile concoction, Sun Drop, are made. I still eat at some of the restaurants across the street from the plant. I wouldn’t foist that stuff off on anyone. I’m told it’s an acquired taste; I think I’m fortunate that I’ve managed to avoid acquiring it.*
    *Note that my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek. I am just giving Cheerwine a lot of shit because it’s so ubiquitous around here, rather than any actual aversion.** I had never heard of the stuff until I moved to the Carolinas, and living in its actual hometown makes it that much more pervasive.
    **Sun Drop is shit, though.

    Not a fan of Sun Drop, though my brother is (was). We used to head up to the serious back woods mountains of NC as kids to my Grandfathers childhood cabin and hit the “General Store” in this super small mtn town. They always had Cheerwine and Sun Drop in glass bottles in one of those old school lift top coolers with the bottle opener on the side. So I have a soft spot for them. But I like most any soda that uses real sugar instead of HFCS. I don’t drink that much soda as it is, so when I do I try and be selective. Not that I’m a health nut by any means as the #1 place I get them is at the local hot dog stand. They even have them in the old school cooler too.

  29. #29 Dawn
    June 2, 2009

    Mt Dew…used to like it many years ago. But my first, last and true love will always be Vernors.

  30. #30 Ranson
    June 3, 2009

    I can get behind a Vernor’s.

    @RBDC

    I can see what you’re saying. Part of my aversion comes from growing up in a house where a parent was a diet-conrolled diabetic, so I acclimated to aspartame and unsweetened flavors really early — I still have trouble drinking a non-fountain Coke, because I lived on the Diet for years and years. Anything that’s even slightly syrupy in flavor turns me off — I like really acidic or heavily carbonated drinks with a burn to them (one of my favorite drinks as a kid was to mix Diet Coke and Sugarless Tang in a 1/1 ratio). It’s part of the reason I’ve always preferred Pepsi to Coke.

    Cheerwine is just too dang sweet, and when you first move to the area, everyone’s pushing it like crack. They also get mad when you say, “So, it’s a slightly sweeter and fruitier Dr. Pepper, huh?” Sun Drop’s the same way — it’s got some of the acid bite that I like, but they seem to compensate with a more syrupy aftertaste.

    Now I want a freakin’ hot dog, too, and I’m out of spending money for the week. Dangit.

  31. #31 Orac
    June 3, 2009

    But my first, last and true love will always be Vernors.

    Vernors is the nectar of the gods.

  32. #32 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    June 4, 2009

    It’s part of the reason I’ve always preferred Pepsi to Coke.

    Wow, because I think Pepsi is far more syrupy sweet than coke.

  33. #33 Ranson
    June 4, 2009

    Vagaries of taste, I guess. I get a lot more bite/acid from Pepsi than I do Coke. It might have to do with growing up on the diet stuff. 10-15 years of only drinking Diet Coke could make me oversensitive to the sugar component of the regular stuff in association with the other flavors. Oddly, it’s only the canned/bottled stuff, though — I can handle fountain Coke just fine.

  34. #34 Aquaria
    June 9, 2009

    Dr. Pepper used to be my drink of choice, until I developed kidney problems. No more phosphoric acid for me. Ever. I’ve cheated a few times, and regretted it.

    That leaves Mt. Dew for my convenience store drink, maybe a Snapple here and there. But Mt. Dew is cheaper, and, damn it, sometimes soda is just what I need, not a dang tea. Besides, a lot of the bottled teas have–you guessed it–phosphoric acid in them (not any of the Snapples I like), and the height of dorkiness would be to read frickin’ labels at a Tiger Mart. Sheesh, how lame is that? It’s Tiger Mart, for Chrissakes! What do you care about health if you’re buying food or drink there? Sheesh.