LOL ‘Value Voters’

‘Value Voters’ are so weird.

I mean, I like weird kids! After Lady Gagas performance at the VMAs, I liked her.

But Value Voter weird… thats a whole nother level of weird that I cant deal deal with.

For example, when Tom Coburn was running for his senate seat in 2004, he made one of the weirdest ‘value voter’ statements I have ever heard a politician make:

… lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they’ll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that’s happened to us?

Ah yes, southeast Oklahoma, known worldwide for its rampant underage lesbianism and chocolate covered bacon.

Coburns chief of staff, Michael Schwartz, recently managed to top Coburns weirdidity:

“Pornography is a blight,” Schwartz told an audience in a crowded room of the Omni Shoreham hotel. “It is a disaster. It is one of those silent diseases in our society that we haven’t been able to overcome very well. Now, I may be getting politically incorrect here. And it’s been a few years, but not that many, since I was closely associated with pre-adolescent boys, boys around 10 years of age. But it is my observation that boys of that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that’s because they don’t want to be that way. They don’t want to fall into it.”

Schwartz told the crowd about Jim Johnson, a friend of his who turned an old hotel into a hospice for gay men dying of AIDS. “One of the things he said to me,” said Schwartz, “that I think is an astonishingly insightful remark… he said ‘All pornography is homosexual pornography, because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.”

There were murmurs and gasps from the crowd. “Now, think about that,” said Schwartz. “And if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants! You know, that’s a good comment, it’s a good point, and it’s a good thing to teach young people.”

… Tell little boys that Teh Pron will make them homos. Which actually kinda explains ‘rampant’ Republican homosexuality…

Anyway, Schwartzs statement is so fantastically weird, he made it on The Daily Show last night. *high-five*, Mr. Schwartz.

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Comments

  1. #1 W. Kevin Vicklund
    September 23, 2009

    Yeah, the Jon Stewart quotebox was almost my exact words upon reading Schwartzs claim.

  2. #2 Optimus Primate
    September 23, 2009

    “All pornography is homosexual pornography, because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.”

    Umm… Teh Pr0n: Yer Doin It Rong!

  3. #3 Tommykey
    September 23, 2009

    Maybe I was rather sheltered as a child, but I didn’t even know what homosexuality was. I remember another kid asked me if I was a homosexual, but I misunderstood him and though he said “homelessexual”, which I thought meant a person who did not have a home to live in.

    But of course adolescent boys looking at magazines filled with pictures of hot, naked wimmin will lead to homosexuality. You get a couple of 13 year old boys in a room looking at stuff like that and then the next thing they know, they’re feeling horny and need an outlet, so they go all Brokeback Mountain on each other, telling each other “I’m not gay. We’ll just do it this one time, okay?” and it’s all downhill from there!

  4. #4 Rob Jase
    September 23, 2009

    I guess that means Value Voter types don’t think Carrie Prejean is sexually attractive because they had her speak. I fshe was a hot chick she might have converted the whole audience to teh gay.

  5. #5 Uncle Glenny
    September 23, 2009

    I guess that means Value Voter types don’t think Carrie Prejean is sexually attractive because they had her speak. I fshe was a hot chick she might have converted the whole audience to teh gay.

    How do you know she didn’t?

  6. #6 Rob Abiera
    September 23, 2009

    Moral Kombat! LOL! I almost wish I had chosen that for the name of my blog!

  7. #7 Prometheus
    September 23, 2009

    “…all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.”

    There would be no boys over the age of 13. We would have all collapsed into singularities by then.

  8. #8 Darrell E
    September 23, 2009

    Loved the clip, but …. I never did understand the cliche “young boys think girls are yuckie.” I can not remember an age where I didn’t like girls. I was dating and kissing girls by age 9 or 10 and this did not seem to be odd, rather quite common. I think that maybe embarrassment is often confused with dislike or disinterest by adults when it comes to young boys & girls.

  9. #9 Art
    September 23, 2009

    It strikes me that this claim would have been more effective twenty years ago. Twenty years ago the youth culture was much more highly homophobic. Rural culture, which lags urban culture by a few years, may still be but nothing like it was years ago.

    Which leads to the risk this whole thing might backfire on Michael Schwartz. As the fear and onus of gayness declines these conservative fathers may be shocked if their boys find themselves attracted to pictures of naked ladies and turn to their fathers and declare themselves gay. At which point dear ol’ dad has a heart attack.

    It might also come back on them when the kids find dad’s stash of skin mags and, after being told porn is gay, conclude that dad is gay. Blurted out at the company picnic or church, as they say, hilarity ensues.

  10. #10 Jason F.
    September 23, 2009

    Anyone else not able to see the video, and getting a “Error loading stylesheet” message?

    I’ve seen others complaining about this around the internet, but I’ve not seen the fix. Any help?

  11. #11 Chiefley
    September 23, 2009

    ERV,

    I know this is way off topic, but I think you need to see this?

    Science proves that LOLCatz actually make the NOMNOMNOM noise.

    http://neebit.com/s?0080f770d8.flv

  12. #12 TheDailyJokelahoman
    September 24, 2009

    “And it’s been a few years, but not that many, since I was closely associated with pre-adolescent boys, boys around 10 years of age.”

    Is it just me, or does that statement sound super creepy?

  13. #13 SecularDad
    September 24, 2009

    Abbie, I’m going to bet you’ve already seen this, but just in case, yahoo has a news article up on a mildly successful HIV vaccine.

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090924/ap_on_he_me/med_aids_vaccine

  14. #14 eddie
    September 24, 2009

    BBC is also all over the ‘aids vaccine’ story. Seems that a trial vaccine that’s a combination of two previous trials was shown to reduce risk of infection by certain strains by a third. Research jointly done by thai medics and us army (?)

  15. #15 scripto
    September 24, 2009

    Schwartz is right. Porn has caused the complete bonobonization of our nation. We can’t defeat the Islamofascists if we’re all laying around all day rubbing our parts together.

  16. #16 eddie
    September 24, 2009

    So, if we can’t beat the taliban, we’ve to join them?

  17. #17 BAllanJ
    September 24, 2009

    Hmmm… “Values Voters”…

    Reminds me of when I hear some politician say they’ll make something a “priority” without telling me if they’re making it a high priority or a low priority. …Or “Quality Used Cars”, usually meaning LOW quality used cars.

    Everyone has values…. I don’t agree with a lot of people’s. These folks have medieval values.

    (Also reminds me of a saying… “If it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all”)

  18. #18 rrt
    September 24, 2009

    And if it wasn’t for disappointment, I wouldn’t have any appointments.

  19. #19 Prometheus
    September 24, 2009

    Does body inflation fetish porn make your sexuality turn inward? How is that even possible? How do you fall into homosexuality? It sounds pretty haphazard. Why don’t they put up some of that road construction tape or something? Is a homosexual into body inflation fetish porn “pressured” to act straight? I have questions about values. I demand answers.

  20. #20 Mind Over Splatter
    September 25, 2009

    There’s gray matter here that needs to be donated to science, assuming that it can be found without the aid of a microscope.

  21. #21 Evan
    September 25, 2009

    10-year-old boy morality:
    gay men = abominable
    lesbians = awesome