Look, I like weird people. Goth kids. Sci-fi geeks. Language nerds.
Weird people are far more interesting than, say, the ‘normal’ people that get cast for shows like ‘The Bachelor’: Generic Human #231975, Generic Human #576930, Generic Human #750193, bleh.
But theres a whole different level of weird, and that level is ‘Creationist’.
Example: Remember that guy, that Creationist that branded kids in his Ohio classroom? Had a whole system of weird signals and words and stuff he was brainwashing kids with?
Yes, that was weird, but now weve reached a level of weird only Creationists can hope to attain:
The caller purportedly told Freshwater that the school had discarded some documents in a dumpster at the high school and that the documents contained information that would exonerate him. Sometime during the night of the 4th or morning of the 5th, Freshwater, his lawyer R. Kelly Hamilton, and his pastor Don Matolyak are said to have gone through one or more school dumpsters, removing some documents and taking them to Matolyak’s church, Trinity Assembly of God, to go through them.
And then theres this bit of weird:
The materials were not in a dumpster at the high school, but were by a trash can in an area near it, in an “old black computer bag” inside a plastic bag. On top of the bag was a letter addressed to Freshwater. The police report does not contain the contents of that letter. The bag contained a 3″-4″ stack of papers and a “large number of photographs of items from John’s room.” It also contained three stopwatches, a whistle, and $45 in cash.
OH OF COURSE!
The famous ‘three stopwatches, a whistle, and $45 cash’ ruling, which states that it is perfectly legal to teach Creationism as science in public school classrooms! DUH!
Well, this changes everything. If there had been two stopwatches and two whistles, with a $50 Target gift-card, Freshwater would have been shit-outta-luck.
But three stopwatches, a whistle, and $45 cash? This changes everything. This completely exonerates Freshwater.