Rule #34 D: BOOBQUAKE!

April 23, 2010 12:33 PMalysonmiers

If it involves boobs, it will become extremely popular on the Internet.

If that isn’t already a formally recognized and numbered rule, it should be.

April 23, 2010 12:43 PM – KOPD–
Rule 34D?

My labmates and I (and every other cool person on this planet) will be participating in ‘BOOBQUAKE!‘ tomorrow. We are scientists, after all :)

If you have been living in a spider hole in the desert and you dont know what BOOBQUAKE is, basically, this random dumb artard respected, solemn Muslim cleric blamed natural disasters on slutty women:

“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes,” Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran’s acting Friday prayer leader.

Now, weve been told over and over and over that “science and religion are compatible!’, according to The Accommodationists. So here we have a testable claim: Women who dress all slutty corrupt poor, defenseless men, therefore, God kills people thousands of miles away in Haiti/China/whatevs.

So now, women of the Earth are going to test this claim by dressing all slutty (remember: ‘slutty’ can just be wearing capris and showing some calf) on Monday.

Look, I know I do HIV-1 research, trying to make an HIV-1 vaccine and stuff, but Im an evil scientist. While its my dream to destroy this dimension entirely, Im so in with a plan to destroy the Earth via boobages (baby steps!).

Of course, science and religion arent compatible, and the world isnt going to end on Monday because someone wore a tank-top, but this is still an excuse to be silly and make a point at the same time.

One more point I want to address– Some people are pretending to be offended at Blag Hag using her sexuality to promote her cause.

Excuse me, but Blag Hag needs super mega ultra props for using her sexuality to promote her cause, and it working. I try to use my sexuality to promote my causes all the time, and Ive totally been ignored. I tried to use my sexuality to teach Bill Maher some damn immunology. He ignored me. I tried to use my sexuality to get me on CNN to talk about atheism. They ignored me.

Blag Hag got a piece on CNN.com on ‘BOOBQUAKE!!’.

So, *tip-of-the-tit* to you, Miss Blag Hag! You rock!!

Comments

  1. #1 jenjen
    April 25, 2010

    I think the whole boobquake thing is the result of overly quick reading. The boobs don’t cause the earthquakes – the ADULTERY causes the earthquakes. To really test the cleric’s theory, we need to have as much adultery as possible. And this is going to require participation of non-boob-bearing members of our population as well. Women can’t, uh, shoulder the burden of the entire boinkquake on our own.

  2. #2 Optimus Primate
    April 25, 2010

    Rule #10: Pics or it didn’t happen.

  3. #3 Brian
    April 25, 2010

    Does it require actual adultery, or are adulterous thoughts sufficient? I was planning on doing my part with the latter. But if the former is required for actual plate tectonics, I doubt I’ll be called on to assist.

    In any case, though, I consider the experiment to be a smashing success. Not only did she get CNN’s attention, but KOPD’s “Rule 34D” has already made it all worth it.

  4. #4 Anonymous
    April 25, 2010

    I’ve been giving a lot of thought to flashing a bit of ankle tomorrow. I may even uncover my hair..

    Jen’s idea has proven so popular that it has been appropriated in silly ways by people who may or may not have anything invested in fundamentalism vs science. I’m not sure whether this is a good thing or not…

  5. #5 Tyler DiPietro
    April 25, 2010

    Some feminazis are already trying to ruin the whole thing by complaining about how this objectifies women. This is why we can’t have nice things.

  6. #6 Anonymous
    April 25, 2010

    These objections can be overcome by men’s voices in the event, participating in the dialogue, pointing out how crackpot “scientific” theories can be used in service to odious political agendas (in this case, the oppression of women, but it is far from the only use).

  7. #7 D. C. Sessions
    April 25, 2010

    Excuse me, but Blag Hag needs super mega ultra props for using her sexuality to promote her cause, and it working. I try to use my sexuality to promote my causes all the time, and Ive totally been ignored. I tried to use my sexuality to teach Bill Maher some damn immunology. He ignored me. I tried to use my sexuality to get me on CNN to talk about atheism. They ignored me.

    No accounting for taste. Or lack thereof.

  8. #8 ERV
    April 25, 2010

    No accounting for taste. Or lack thereof.

    Im pleased as punch for any and all atheist boobies on CNN! btw– Blag Hag is gonna be on CNN tomorrow night!!!

    **CHEST-BUMP**

  9. #9 Dustin
    April 25, 2010

    I tried stuffing my pair of boobies in a tube top, and it went about as well as you would expect.

  10. #10 D. C. Sessions
    April 25, 2010

    Rereading #8, it dawns on me [1] that it could be read totally bass ackwards. To be clear: people ignoring Abbie (sexually or otherwise) is proof that we don’t need SETI to encounter totally alien entities.

    [1] Me, thick? Never!

  11. #11 Mind Over Splatter
    April 25, 2010

    The earth moves for Blag Hag and ERV! Happy Boobquake everybody.

  12. #12 Cubist
    April 25, 2010

    sez ERV: “**CHEST-BUMP**”
    Hmm. Only *one*..?

  13. #13 D. C. Sessions
    April 25, 2010

    sez ERV: “**CHEST-BUMP**”
    Hmm. Only *one*..?

    You’re not paying attention. See the “**” on the left and the “**” on the right?

  14. #14 Azkyroth
    April 25, 2010

    I try to use my sexuality to promote my causes all the time, and Ive totally been ignored

    I can guarantee it’d work on me. What can I say, those are some nice big, juicy, round, firm, wrinkly cerebral hemispheres… *drools*

    Some feminazis are already trying to ruin the whole thing by complaining about how this objectifies women.

    Ironically, aren’t these mostly the “feminists” whose views of sexuality in general basically regard women as entities to which things are done, not as entities that do things, in a sexual context?

  15. #15 Doc Bill
    April 26, 2010

    When I was at Purdue women wore burkas.

    Srsly.

    Maybe that was just around me, come to think of it …

  16. #16 Rorschach
    April 26, 2010

    Blag Hag is one cool chick, I loves her and may she become rich and famous with this !

    And I second the call for boinkquake, so we men can do our part for the cause too !

  17. #17 Shane Killian
    April 26, 2010

    You are going to post pics of it, right? We, your loyal readers, do not mind being pandered to at all…

  18. #18 Rorschach
    April 26, 2010

    Shane Killian,

    Abbie has posted all the cleavage pics you’ll ever need back in 2007/8, I’m sure you can google them if you feel so inclined.
    Boobquake should be good fun..:-)

  19. #20 Blake Stacey
    April 26, 2010

    Aj:

    Wobbling for 20 seconds? Pshaw.

  20. #21 Prometheus
    April 26, 2010

    #16 Rorschach

    “Blag Hag is one cool chick, I loves her and may she become rich and famous with this !

    And I second the call for boinkquake, so we men can do our part for the cause too !”

    The male version is pretty easy. You wear gold or silk or look at another guy’s junk.

    Or (my favorite) groom the monobrow.

    Only male prostitutes have two eyebrows.

    Not a male prostitute:

    http://www.m.sesamestreet.org/_template/images/wallpapers/320x480_PHOTO_Bert_popUp.jpg

    Possible male prostitute:

    http://youbentmywookie.com/wookie/gallery/yourweekly/fozzie_t.jpg

  21. #22 JimNorth
    April 26, 2010

    The Taiwanese Earthquake wasn’t large enough to register on the boobquake scale. It has to be 7.0 or larger.

  22. #23 Mobius
    April 26, 2010

    Pictures! We want pictures.

  23. #24 Jon H
    April 26, 2010

    Obviously, with so many women participating, the boobage energy pulling from all different directions canceled out.

  24. #25 windy
    April 27, 2010

    Hey, I didn’t know we are getting CIA money for this! Cool!

The site is currently under maintenance and will be back shortly. New comments have been disabled during this time, please check back soon.