This is a post on ERV

In the first paragraph, I provide some anecdote about my life, family, dog, school, whatever. Sometimes its just an observation. This is really just filler I hope will draw you in so you humor the bitching part of my post and read the science part.

  • These are titles of some sensational news articles.
  • They either a) totally miss the point of a recent paper, or b) exaggerate the findings of a recent paper
  • I used to link to these, but theyre so awful these days I stopped.

Sometimes I will include a snippet from an awful pop-news article if its particularly bad, or is being repeated all over the place.

The next paragraph is generalized annoyance at the stupidity of the pop-news articles.

But then I link to some professional woo-er, well known anti-science site, or Creationist site, using the bad pop-news articles as ‘evidences’ to support their form of anti-science:

Here is a stupid quote from anti-science website.

The next few lines are an unreadable mash-up of all-caps lolspeak, 4chan jokes no one understands, and actions I put in asterisks **___**.

Once I get that out of my system, I link to the article causing all the ruckus:

The link to this article is never included in any other media outlet talking about this article. It took me about two hours to figure out where this paper was on the internet.

I then spend a lot of time talking about this article, what they found, and what it means in the context of the field. I think Im being a super awesome science educator, linking to terms I dont think people know or previous times Ive written about the topic. No one actually follows these links. I lose ~95% of the audience here. Thats probably for the best, as I specialize in crushing peoples hopes and dreams with science.

The last paragraph is the only one you really need to read. I sum up the entire post in a few sentences. Basically every blog post could be reduced to this Twitter-length summary.

This is a news website article about a scientific paper.

This is the funniest comment ever.

Comments

  1. #1 Cain
    September 28, 2010

    This comment bitches about the lack of apostrophes on erv. Sometimes it also tries to teach the blog author basic biology/virology. It always has many spelling errors.

  2. #2 Ben Breuer
    September 28, 2010

    Heh. Weird. I read the Grauniad and the thought fluttered through my mind: this might just be something down ERV’s alley. Indeed.

    [This comment has a copious helping of Ireadyourblograrelyyetknowyourminddowntoitslasteffingfiringneuronitis.]

  3. #3 MI Dawn
    September 28, 2010

    OMFSM! I have to quit reading the linked article and comments now and wait till I get home; my coworkers are all wondering about the hysterical laughter escaping from my cubicle.

    Your post is funny, ERV, but you don’t have the comments yet…

  4. #4 stripey_cat
    September 28, 2010

    This comment expresses faintly disturbing attraction to erv and the author of the linked post, and asks to sire your children, despite the poster being female. It may also contain vague, nonspecific threats towards the personal safety of your significant others.

  5. #5 Prometheus
    September 28, 2010

    This comment over-reacts to a previous commentator with character assassination and derision that derails the topic.

  6. #6 Prometheus
    September 28, 2010

    This comment is identical to the previous one because the commentator was held for moderation and became over enthusiastic with the post button.

  7. #7 Cain
    September 28, 2010

    This is a comment from the SciBlogs REAL Feminists(TM). This comment will be a clumsy dog whistle. This comment will accuse anyone that disagrees with me of being racist/sexist/republican. Half my post will be the words “shoes”, “fuck”, “d00ds”, or “privilege”. I often poop myself.

  8. #8 Optimus Primate
    September 28, 2010

    This is a comment about Abbie’s smoking-hot rack. And a defense of her pretty white abs.

  9. #9 DrDuke
    September 28, 2010

    @5+6 Promethius
    This comment misinterprets Prometheus’ overreaction, and provides useless opinions about irrelevant tangentially related topics.

  10. #10 Perv
    September 28, 2010

    This comment expresses frustration at lack of jpeg images of ERV’s smoking hot rack and white abs.

  11. #11 BeamStalk
    September 28, 2010

    This is a comment that agrees with ERV and adds nothing to the discussion.

  12. #12 theshortearedowl
    September 28, 2010

    This comment pedantically disagrees in great detail with an insignificant point in the original article.

  13. #13 ERV
    September 28, 2010

    This post was held in moderation for days because it contained the verboten words “Judy”, “Andrea”, and “Kwok”.

    Subsequent comments that reference other comments by number no longer make any sense.

    Because this is ScienceBlogs, there is no way for anyone to edit their comments to fix this confusion.

  14. #14 ERV
    September 28, 2010

    This comment completely dismisses the content of the entire post because ERV used the word “stupid”, and thats offensive. Suggests ERV wouldnt have said that if he used his real name.

    The comment then closes, without a hint of irony, with calling ‘ERV’ a bitch/loser/idiot/death-wishes.

  15. #15 eNeMeE
    September 28, 2010

    This comment, which is barely related to the topic under discussion, espouses the belief that all illnesses are the fault of the person who is ill, and that everyone should take more vitamins/not vaccinate/cleanse their colons/detox.

    Follow up, if any, will either be offended at the pointing out of the obvious belief in vitalism and ignorance of biology or will be condescending and claim victory.

  16. #16 divalent_bot
    September 28, 2010

    This comment, which is barely related to the topic under discussion, espouses the belief that all illnesses are the fault of the person who is ill, and that everyone should take more vitamins/not vaccinate/cleanse their colons/detox. Except of course that this comment really was generated by a spam bot cribbing the text from farther up the thread so that it appears to be relevant, with the intent to get you to click on my URL to view porn, get “male enhancement” meds, sell you sneakers really cheap, or introduce you to third world women so desparate to escape their situation that they would promise to marry a loser like you to intice you to send them airfare.

  17. #17 Alan Kellogg
    September 28, 2010

    This comment points out that meta-blogging goes back to the turn of the millennium, but provides no links to earlier iterations.

  18. #18 Generic Commenter
    September 29, 2010

    This is a vaguely-related comment that weasel-words in a vague plug for the respondent’s own blog about a subject that has little or nothing to do with the original post, followed by a searing and somewhat pompous flame directed at #8 for overly focusing on the blogstress’ significant but irrelevant beauty.

  19. #19 Raynfala
    September 29, 2010

    This is an auto-posted spam comment that completely ignores the subject matter at hand, makes some vague, sexual promises, and invites the reader to click on a web link.

  20. #20 Epinephrine
    September 29, 2010

    This comment attacks the post for tone, and laments how such shocking language is used, and that it’s probably a sign of intellectual weakness.

  21. #21 Prometheus
    September 29, 2010

    This portion of this comment is a wall-o-text personal anecdote about the commentators disease/syndrome/fat that is intended to illicit sympathy but fails as it lapses into a “thus are the mighty fallen” prologue about how awesome the commentator was, prior to disease/syndrome/fat.

    This portion of this comment is a threat.

    This portion of this comment ridicules the scientific/academic qualifications of the Blogger revealing that the commentator doesn’t understand scientific/academic qualifications.

  22. #22 Cain
    September 29, 2010

    This is a comment from a CFSer. I’m just here to threaten legal action and call Abbie a cunt.

  23. #23 Dave
    September 29, 2010

    This comment is a whinge about how terrible it is to have a condition mentioned in or vaguely-related to the blog post.

    This paragraph goes on about how neither ERV nor the other commentators can understand just how terrible it is to have said condition.

    This paragraph announces that the Crank/Loon mentioned in the post or an earlier comment is a hero to those who have the condition, and no one else is allowed to judge him/her.

  24. #24 Prometheus
    September 29, 2010

    This comment viciously mocks the suffering described in the above comment and maligns the hero.

  25. #25 theshortearedowl
    September 29, 2010

    This comment says that the impact of GMO crops discussed in the article is wrong because how could a fish evolve into a monkey? And if it did, why are there still monkeys? And anyway, the nose is irreducibly complex. It is probably not speled correctly, however.

  26. #26 stogoe
    September 29, 2010

    This post makes (or continues) a lame pun or relates an anecdote relating only tangentially to a bit of peculiar phrasing or witty aside in either another comment or the post itself.

  27. #27 Dave
    September 29, 2010

    This comment responds to 23 by repeating that no one without the condition could possibly understand and adds a hyperbolic claim the the sufferer would rather have HIV/Cancer/etc.

  28. #28 Prometheus
    September 29, 2010

    This comment attempts to antagonize 26 (thus increasing Abbie’s hit points/dog treat fund)with a link to a weeping clown or obscene image.

  29. #29 The Curmudgeon
    September 29, 2010

    This is a comment to promote my own blog, which has more insipid content than even I can endure, which is why I hang out here — where the action seems to be.

  30. #30 sc
    September 29, 2010

    This comment points out the irony of ERV’s present post and how this site is really a ‘circle jerk’ masquerading as scientific dialog with ERV leading the jerk off.

  31. #31 ERV
    September 29, 2010

    Hahahaha! Aw, see its all fun and games till you hurt someones feelings. You all really should be nicer to CFSers. XMRV prevents them from having a sense of humor like everyone else. They had a great sense of humor before they got sick. They won ‘Last Comic Standing’. They did a show at the Apollo. They had a sitcom on FOX for five seasons. All gone when they got sick.

    Now they cant do anything but leave masturbation jokes on ERV blog.

  32. #32 Dave
    September 30, 2010

    This comment declares victory as I flounce off in a huff.

  33. #33 The Curmudgeon
    September 30, 2010

    This comment is the traditional last word in a dead thread, where I can freely say anything I want without fear of contradiction. I win the argument, because no one will read or respond to what I’m saying.

  34. #34 W. Kevin Vicklund
    October 1, 2010

    This comment fisks the previous comment, “just in case somebody stumbles on the thread”

  35. #35 The Curmudgeon
    October 1, 2010

    This comment is spam, which frequently shows up at the end of long-dead threads.

    Hot sale on Veg-O-Matics. Get yours now. It slices, it dices. [Link to malware nightmare website]

  36. #36 Prometheus
    October 1, 2010

    This comment has noticed the number of comments and mistaking it for a popular subject, tries to initiate a debate about religion without reading the O.P..

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