Where in the World is ERV? III

Buenos Aires!

1– I have no idea what anyone is saying. The last time I took Spanish was like 10 years ago. So even if people say something I know, it takes me 5 minutes to translate. And then, I have this ‘ear popping issue’ when I fly on planes. Fine going up, severe pain coming down, ears dont pop until like a week later. Not exaggerating. So people are speaking to me in Spanish, and I cant really hear them, and I cant really understand them, so I basically just stare at people like a dazed cow, only occasionally shrieking ‘DONDE ESTA EL BANO???” with a thick Southern accent.

2– The people here are hot. All of them. ALL OF THEM. As much as I like Oklahoma, things are… different… there…

3– I have no idea whats in this smoothie Im drinking. I hadnt heard of any of the fruits, I cant place any of the flavors. HA!

4– Cute airport story: I cant handle the security dogs at the airport. When it comes to dogs, I have the self control of a 4 year old. See a puppy? Scream “PUPPY!!!!!”, throw myself to the ground, and flop said puppys ears. I love German Shepherd ears… So they let a bomb/drug sniffing dog loose on a huge line I was in. I had to cross my arms in a death grip and look at the ceiling. And then the puppy stopped… and sat down next to a guy standing in line near me.

Normal people would think “OH SHIT! Dude is packing drugs or bombs or something! SHIT!”
Me: “LOOK AT THAT MUSHY FACE! YOU HAVE A MUSHY PUPPY FACE! I WANT TO BITE YOUR DOG FEET!!!!”

Thankfully the airport security guy quickly relieved me of me of my misery– the ‘dude in line’ was a plant. A test for the puppy. So when she found him and did the job right, she got all sorts of lovies and praise from her handlers… while I gave them the stink eye.

5– It physically couldnt be any more pleasant outside. Warm (upper 80s), perfect breeze (not a 40 mph ‘Oklahoma Breeze’), tons of shade and green. The backyard of the place Im staying at tonight is gorgeous. Tiny green paradise. I couldnt live here, though. I about had a panic attack in the taxi on the way to the hotel “OMFG WERE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!” Traffic is a little ‘crazy’ :-/ Lots of honking…

Comments

  1. #1 Sili
    December 16, 2010

    I’m just glad noöne has ever tried to introduce ‘security cats’. I imagine they’d do wonders for relieving queueing annoyance, though.

    (I don’t mind flying. I just don’t like travelling in general, and these days I wouldn’t set foot in an airport if I wasn’t paid to do so.)

    Glad you’re having fun!

  2. #2 midwifetoad
    December 16, 2010

    I’m sorry that we need security dogs, but I can’t imagine a happier dog than one that has a job.

  3. #3 Reed A. Cartwright
    December 16, 2010

    Have you tried equalizing the pressure in your ears? Hold your nose shut and blow out slowly with your mouth closed. That should help you equalize the pressure in your ears.

    Gum also helps.

  4. #4 NoAstronomer
    December 16, 2010

    or hard candy.

    Desperately jealous of you. 20 years ago I had a chance at a contract for a computer tech in the UK antarctic base. I kick myself every time I remember *not* going for it.

  5. #5 Iason Ouabache
    December 16, 2010

    I WANT TO BITE YOUR DOG FEET!!!!

    Ewwwwww. I know most dog feet smell like Fritos/popcorn but you seriously don’t want to put them in your mouth. You have no idea where they’ve been!

  6. #6 D. C. Sessions
    December 16, 2010

    I have no idea what anyone is saying. The last time I took Spanish was like 10 years ago.

    It’s worse than you think: that’s not Spanish, and it may not even be Portugese (at least according to people from Portugal.)

    Kick back and enjoy it, ’cause they’re good people [1] with great traditions and awesome music.

    [1] OK, I confess: damn near anywhere in the world you’re finding good people. They’re everywhere.

  7. #7 John in Texas
    December 16, 2010

    Flying is just like scuba diving, in reverse. Ears take care of themselves just fine on the ascent, but often need to be actively over-inflated on the way down to counter the increasing ambient pressure. The diver’s pinched-nose blow-out maneuver is most effective if you can do it. If not and you’re having trouble hearing afterward, it’s probably because your middle ears have filled with bloody fluid. It usually clears up in a few days. If not, see an ENT.

  8. #8 ERV
    December 16, 2010

    D.C.– Everyone has been super nice. I mean super insanely nice.

    John– Thats… gross… thank you? lol! I suppose there is nothing to be done about this? Its been a problem my whole life. I got them checked by my regular physician before I came out here, and he said they looked clean and healthy, so I dont know wtf is up with mah ears.

    Others– Sometimes my ears are fine, almost always they hurt on descent, rarely it is like ‘OMFG I think my head is trying to implode Im so sorry Person-Sitting-Next-To-Me!’ painful. So yes, Ive tried all the pro-tips, they just dont work :(

  9. #9 Optimus Primate
    December 16, 2010

    The toughest ones for me are the companion puppies. I want to hug them, and pet them, and squeeze them, and pat them, and name them George. It’s SOOO unfair that you’re not supposed to smooch their noses!

  10. #10 Brian
    December 16, 2010

    Oh, and thanks for the link to the Xmas tree photo. I had no idea Walmart was where Oklahomans did their sex toy shopping.

  11. #11 John in Texas
    December 17, 2010

    If it happens every time you fly, and you fly a lot, I’m sure you could find an ENT who can put pressure-equalizing tubes in your eardrums. They would eliminate the need to clear your ears on a plane. No more bruised ears, no more post-flight deafness. Downside: no good if you also want to dive. But this problem usually precludes diving anyway.

  12. #12 Brian
    December 17, 2010

    ‘It’s worse than you think: that’s not Spanish, and it may not even be Portugese (at least according to people from Portugal.)’

    Rubbish. If Abbie is in Buenos Aires (Good winds) she’s in an area where Castellano Rioplatense (River Plate Castillian) is spoken.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rioplatense_Spanish

    Castillian, after Castille in Spain, is a synonym for Spanish (because Castille is in the center of Spain and Madrid is in the center of Castille).

    I think you believe that she’s on the border of Uraguay and Brazil where there is a mix of Spanish and Portuguese called Portunol.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riverense_Portu%C3%B1ol_language

    There are many intersting ‘quirks’ in the Spanish of Buenos Aires, but it most definitely is Spanish.

  13. #13 R2
    December 17, 2010

    It’s definitely Spanish in Buenos Aires. Their accent is impossible for me to understand, though. It’s always so embarrasing. But they are famous for their good looks.

  14. #14 Grant
    December 18, 2010

    It might seem perverse, but, being hard-of-hearing (or deaf if you prefer) one thing I sort-of like travelling in foreign countries where I don’t know the lingo well is that I’m less displaced than other travellers who don’t know the language having spent (literally) a lifetime coping with not making sense of everything that’s said. (Sorry I’m not saying this well – Xmas rush, etc., etc.)

    Enjoy your trip – wish I was wandering the world myself… :-/