Christmas tree and pie

Mom to Friends: Abbie is going to Antarctica!

Friends: OMFG! When???
Mom: The end of December!
Friends: **GASP!** SHELL BE GONE OVER CHRISTMAS!!
Mom: *blink*

We dont really do Christmas in my house. I mean, we would put up a tree when us kids were little, and we would get some gifts, but thats it. It wasnt even really ever a ‘Santa’ thing, cause Bro told me about the ‘Santa’ gig when I was really little (he didnt want his little sister to get scammed). That, and the whole ‘Moms Jewish’ thing.

Soooo I never went to church, and never sang in a choir. Didnt sing the really religious Christmas songs in school. And though I played them in orchestra (cello!) for a decade, it was orchestra. Didnt have words.

Plus, I just dont like Christmas songs. No incentive to learn the lyrics.

So my friends get a kick out of me not knowing the words to any Christmas songs. When this South Park Christmas episode aired, they were all ROLFing– “THAT IS SO YOU!!”

It really is me. The Meaning of Christmas = Christmas tree and pie. And presents.

Kinda wondering whether the other passengers on this trip will be just as ‘Meh’ about the holiday, considering they all chose to book this particular date set…

Comments

  1. #1 Jason Dick
    December 25, 2010

    I’m pretty envious, actually. My family is super-Christian, and these days they rather frequently tend to get on my nerves around this time of year…

  2. #2 MadScientist
    December 25, 2010

    Some work colleagues were shocked because I said christmas is just another day for me – except that I can’t go shopping.

    Do christmas songs have any other lyrics aside from “falalalalalalalala”? I swear that’s all I hear … Oh well, it’s not a problem this year because it’s almost -30C outside.

    I play the piano – much to the disgust of the neighbors. Then again, I could take up the cello – that’ll make them wish I’d stick to the piano.

    There isn’t much choice of travel dates when booking a trip to Antarctica – besides you get christmas every year (even in Antarctica). Of course you *could* opt to join the US Antarctic Program and spend a winter there (almost 10 whole months on the ice, much of it in the dark). I’m bitching and whining about the 8 months of winter where I’m currently at.

  3. #3 Tyler DiPietro
    December 26, 2010

    Christmas was always perfectly secular in my family. We’ve never attended church, and never even so much as said grace before Christmas dinner (or any dinner, really). My parents told me about Santa Claus, but I was a rather inquisitive child and had that figured for a scam by the time I was five (ruined it for sis’, tho). To me, the holiday has really just a day where you put up a tree in your house and got lots of presents.

    Of course, now we are all old and educated enough to know that what we call “Christmas” is really just the modern descendant of Pagan solstice festivals, so there’s no shame in it anyway. :D

  4. #4 Azkyroth
    December 26, 2010

    On that note, I left the following greeting for a friend on instant messaging. I’m sure you’ll appreciate it:

    (00:21:35) Azkyroth: Happy dead Jew on a stick day.
    (00:21:35) *** : I’m sorry, it appears I am away from the keyboard at the moment.
    (00:21:41) Azkyroth: Wait, I guess that’s Easter.
    (00:22:09) Azkyroth: Happy myth of God taking his mother’s virginity according to the standards of “Virgin” in use at the time day.

    Or are Catholics expected to believe Mary gave birth without rupturing her hymen? It’s hard to keep track. >.>

  5. #5 eddie
    December 26, 2010

    I just get “This video is not available on your country”. So I went searching youtube and found (deeply NSFW);

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gddlNth2-_A

    I’m assuming you linked to some other song from the same album ;-)

  6. #6 AtheistAttorney
    December 27, 2010

    This song is great.

  7. #7 Prometheus
    December 27, 2010

    I know the words to O’ Holy Night because we sang it in third grade after we recited our assigned passages from Luke…in public school.

    I’m old.

    Mom was pissed and wandered around the house adapting Aesop’s fables to the tune of Christmas songs so those are the words to everything else.

    “oh Androcles, oh Androcles,
    won’t you help me please,
    my paw hurts.

    There is a thorn that’s sticking there,
    just beneath my Lion’s hair.

    “oh Androcles, oh Androcles…etc.”

    We had a tree because we are Krazy Krauts and dumb old Charlemagne cut down the one that connected the nine worlds.

    Azkyroth@#4

    “Or are Catholics expected to believe Mary gave birth without rupturing her hymen? It’s hard to keep track.”

    Some do. Conceived by light, born in light..yada yada. The holy ghost is supposed to have entered the virgin through a beam of light in her ear. The medieval polemics and Cathars have Jesus exiting via the same path.

    Aural sex?

    Hell if Santa can fit down a stove pipe and an infinity of angels can dance on the head of a pin….all things are possible having passed the border into la la land.

    Are Catholics expected to believe Mary gave birth without rupturing her eardrum?

    Is the wearing of earmuffs the act of enticing or denying the holy spirit?

    As for Christmas traditions I write so many checks for trumped up holiday crapola, next year I am going to get a little signature stamp and replace the handle with a plastic St. Peter Chrysologus (patron saint of used car salesmen and con artists).

    Bonk!

    Happy Holidays parasite.

    Next!

  8. #8 supratall
    December 27, 2010

    Some do. Conceived by light, born in light..yada yada. The holy ghost is supposed to have entered the virgin through a beam of light in her ear. The medieval polemics and Cathars have Jesus exiting via the same path.

  9. #9 Hunter
    December 27, 2010
  10. #10 Prometheus
    December 28, 2010

    Why did I get quoted by a Turkish website peddling a phony growth hormone?

    Why did they choose the portion of my rambling post that mentioned the polemics and Cathar heresy?

    Indeed it is a time of wonder…and pie.

    Fun Cathar fact= On July 22 1209, 20,000 men, women and children were killed in an “exercise of Christian charity”.

    Whenever I set off the bug bombs at the office I lock the door genuflect and say,”Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.”

    Oddly enough this is our team slogan in the Scotch & Jarts League.

  11. #11 Dave
    December 28, 2010

    Why did I get quoted by a Turkish website peddling a phony growth hormone?

    Do not try to make sense of spammers, for that way madness lies. Let us shun that.

  12. #12 eddie
    December 28, 2010

    TYVM, Hunter. That was great.

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