I hate flying.
I hate the wasted time. I hate the invasion of privacy. I hate being disconnected from the internet. I hate the food. I hate being around that many people. I hate being squished next to people on the actual plane. I hate the stress. EDIT: UGH AND THE BATHROOMS! I HATE THE BATHROOMS. How could I forget that???
I hate it.
What does not add to the fun, is flying itself is extraordinarily painful for me. As far back as I can remember, flying, especially the descent, causes me *extreme* ear pain. Sharp shooting pain, as well as a dull, constant aching pain. Its all orchestrated to a sound similar to air being squeaked out of a wet balloon very slowly. Its a great time. To add insult to injury, my ears dont go back to normal until days after I land. I go around screaming ‘eh. wat? i cant hear you.” At least, I think Im screaming, but since my voice is really loud in my head and I cant modulate it to what my ears hear, Im actually talking super quiet, so the person talking to me says “What?” And Im like “wat?” And theyre like “WHAT?”
Good news! This past trip I totally cracked out on pseudo-ephedrine because of my allergies. Side-effect? My ears like, ‘popped’! My ears have never ‘popped’ normally! I was fine! And then on the way back, I tried the box of Sudafed again, AND IT TOTALLY WORKED! YAY! Maybe that is one of my flying problems solved!
But uppers cant solve all of my problems.
Another big one, and Im sure everyone has gotten this (or Im just a magnet for crazies or something): The Evangelical. Sitting right next to someone for hours and hours and hours on a plane, nowhere to run, and this person wont stfu about Jesus.
On my way back from Antarctica, the whole LA-Home flight I had to sit next to this old crazy guy who wasnt just BIG into Jesus, but all kinds of woo medicine (magnets, injecting himself with all sorts of vitamins and shit). FOUR HOURS of this shit. And while Im happy as a clam to counter this crap online, if Im stuck on a plane I usually just smile and put on my headphones, and rarely they will shut up. I dont want to deal with those shits on a fucking plane.
Guy next to me: “Do you know what this movie is about?”
Me: *life flashes before my eyes* *the cold dead stare and hollow ghastly smile of every Evangelical I have ever been trapped next to on a plane over the past ~20 years float to the surface, and congeal into the man sitting next to me* *”THESE BOOKS WERE WRITTEN ABOUT CHRISTIANITY! HAVE YOU HEARD OF C.S. LEWIS?? HAVE YOU ACCEPTED JESUS CHRIST INTO YOUR LIFE??” I picture the man saying, beads of sweat forming on his forehead in excitement* *frantic thoughts on how Im going to get out of this*
Me: “Ah, its based on a kids book. They like go to this magic world and do stuff…”
Guy next to me: “Oh. Like Harry Potter?”
Me: *stunned* “You really dont know what this movie is about?”
Guy next to me: “…”
Me: “The guy who wrote these was an Evangelical. I thought you were just asking to gear up to proselytize to me for the next 4 hours.”
Guy next to me: “ROFL!!!! No.”
Me: “Praise the Lord.”