A couple of days ago, Orac directed us towards an article that is one of the funniest pieces of ‘Science Journalism’ I have ever seen, anywhere. See, those of us on the ‘non-kook’ side of things have marvelously eloquent writers like Carl and Ed, and inquisitive investigatory journalists like Trine. Sure theyre ‘educational’, but their work is depressingly devoid of ‘WTF LOL!!’ moments like this piece by an apparent anti-vax ‘science’ journalist, Sharyl Attkisson:
The author is Helen Ratajczak, surprisingly herself a former senior scientist at a pharmaceutical firm. Ratajczak did what nobody else apparently has bothered to do: she reviewed the body of published science since autism was first described in 1943.
Yes, a ‘literature review’ is a totally foreign concept to everyone in science except for Helen Raraalvhajkavsjknav. Thank gawd for her. Her discovery of ‘PubMed’ will revolutionize science.
“What I have published is highly concentrated on hypersensitivity, Ratajczak told us in an interview, “the body’s immune system being thrown out of balance.”
To think, Im getting a PhD in immunology, and we havent had ONE lecture on how to ‘balance’ immune systems! Its like that phrase has no scientific meaning, and is a buzzword used by woo corporations to sell bullshit supplements or something. But that cant be right, Helen Raaazzzzzk is the genius mind who thought up the concept of a ‘literature review’, apparently. She MUST be right!
Ratajczak also looks at a factor that hasn’t been widely discussed: human DNA contained in vaccines. That’s right, human DNA.
I literally LOLed when I read this. “THATS RIGHT, HUMAN DNA!” “I KNOW, RIGHT!” “LIKE TOTALLY!” “FOR REALS!”
But then I got to the best part. I dont mean the ‘best part’ of this article. I mean the ‘best part’ of any ‘science journalism’ piece, anywhere, ever. EVER.
Why could human DNA potentially cause brain damage? The way Ratajczak explained it to me: “Because it’s human DNA and recipients are humans, there’s homologous recombinaltion tiniker. That DNA is incorporated into the host DNA. Now it’s changed, altered self and body kills it. Where is this most expressed? The neurons of the brain. Now you have body killing the brain cells and it’s an ongoing inflammation. It doesn’t stop, it continues through the life of that individual.”
NOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! ANYTHING BUT HOMOLOGOUS RECOMBINALTION TINIKER!!! NOOOOOOO!! THERE IS NO GOD!!!! WE ARE AL DOOMED!!! DOOOOOOOMED!!!
Of course, ‘homologous recombinaltion tiniker’ is babby babble. Its not a real phrase composed of real words with a real meaning. So the commentors at Oracs place put their heads together to try to figure out what the fuck this crazy ho is talking about. We got this so far–
Okay, there is ‘DNA’ in vaccines, okay? When you get a shot, this DNA makes a bee-line for your brain.
“Why? What biochemical process would lead to that kind of targeting?”
Stop asking questions– it just goes to ‘the brain’, alright? Okay, so once its in your brain, it gets into your ‘brain cells’.
“What brain cells? The human brain is composed of countless different cell types. Does she mean neurons? We know what happens when neurons die– there are any number of diseases that happen when neurons die– Myasthenia Gravis, Parkinsons, Alzheimers, its not Autism.”
I said shut up. This is cromulent research we are talking about, here, no time for tomfoolery. Right, so DNA in in brain cells, and get this, it RECOMBINES with your brain cells DNA in a homologous recombinaltion tiniker manner, which makes your brain cells express non-self proteins, which makes your immune system (which is like, totally overwhelmed) attack your brain because your immune system thinks your brain is NOT YOUR BRAIN. Which perfectly explains why children with Autism and Aspergers Syndrome have no detectable brains. Their immune system ate it after they got vaccines with DNA in them. Thats right, human DNA.
Some BRAINWASHED commentors at Oracs place pointed out that if this were at all possible, people who had gotten blood transfusions or transplants or ever had sex would also suffer from homologous recombinaltion tiniker, but dont, so… yeah…
But *I* thought everyone missed a much greater issue– Cats.
Thats right, cats.
See, cat allergies were already on my mind because a group of scientists recently got a lot of press for creating a (maybe) cat allergy vaccine:
People breathe cat DNA (thats right, cat DNA) by inhaling cat dander all the time, which results in cat allergies in some people. Now, cats have almost 18,000 genes homologous to humans. Which means… you got it: WE COULD HAVE HOMOLOGOUS RECOMBINALTION TINIKER BETWEEN HUMAN AND CAT DNA!!!!
Humans could be having their human brains replaced with cat brains as we speak, and NO ONE at the CDC appears to be interested in investigating this threat to humanity. Not even Super Genius Helen Ratatatatataczk, who is obviously a super genius, and does not have a brain of a cat.
No one, except these awesome scientists. Their vaccine contains cat dander peptides– not cat DNA. Thats right, not cat DNA. And, no cat dander proteins. Know that immune therapy I mentioned the other day? They normally contain the actual proteins (thats right, the actual proteins). Well, when you just start the therapy, you have a ton of IgE that recognized the proteins, so when you get them via an allergy shot, you could have a severe, if not deadly, allergic reaction.
The vaccine these folks made is just peptides– bits and pieces of the protein that is instigating the trouble. These peptides are taken up by T-cells, which directs the immune response to the peptide in an alternate direction, so you no longer get the allergic response to the actual protein.
Its very cool from a scientific and medical perspective. Its also cool from a kook perspective– Vaccines are Teh Devil, but here is a vaccine that could prevent human people from turning into cat people, according to Helen Raczklahsdfasds logic.
Liz Ditz suggested “Homologous Recombinaltion Tiniker” be incorporated into the title of some sort of an award, and I wholeheartedly agree. Thus I hereby bestow upon Margitta Worm MD, Hae-Hyuk Lee MD, Jorg Kleine-Tebbe MD, Roderick P. Hafner PhD, Paul Laidler PhD, David Healey MS, Cecile Buhot PhD, Adrienne Verhoef PhD, Bernard Maillere PhD, A. Barry Kay MD/PhD, and Mark Larch PhD the “Homologous Recombinaltion Tiniker Award for the Prevention of Cat People aka ‘Manimals‘”
We will never know how many lives these folks have saved.
Unless Helen does another literature review.