Went to a wedding this weekend. Actually, was in a wedding this weekend. I had a blast, everything went off without a hitch, and it completely and utterly reinforced my opinion that I want nothing to do with marriage. I just have no emotional or practical need or desire for it.
Its not because I personally have any negative experiences with it. My parents have been married for ages, as have my grandparents and aunts and uncles and my brother seems to like it a lot.
Im just entirely uninterested.
Some of that probably comes from my non-religious upbringing. When you make a child like me, who has never been forced to go to church, attend numerous Catholic weddings (mass + wedding), the end result was a visceral, negative reaction to the phrase ‘attend a wedding’. Pointless, silly voodoo, that lasts forever. Songs where I didnt know the words and dog-whistles where I didnt know the response, chalices filled with blood and creepy crackers. Money thrown down the drain on flowers and ice sculptures and not-good-but-still-expensive food and drink and hideous dresses and suits. And worse of all, where I had to dress up for no discernible reason. My interactions with the ring-masters of these fiasco have been universally negative, to priests using their time during a wedding sermon to damn homosexuality (while the grooms lesbian sister is in the front row) to shockingly inappropriate statements about bridesmaids appearances, to simply cold, automated individuals who gave the impression they viewed the ceremony as a machine, churning out a product rather than what I view the concept of marriage should be, simply love and celebration of that love. Thats what my brother did– his wedding was a small affair, outside, and presided over by my brother-in-law, + big fun party. Nice.
But I view ‘marriage’ itself as functionally useless for that purpose: celebration of love. On the one hand, I have the impression that ‘getting married’ is like throwing a party for your family and friends, announcing to everyone “HEY! We are going to break up in 4-5 years, if we last that long! LOL! Thanks for the toaster, we will be sure to argue over it in the divorce proceedings for 3 weeks!”. On the other hand, even if I beat the odds and entered a marriage that ‘lasted’, it disgusts me that I can enter that governmental contract and the financial/personal benefits it entails, while my homosexual friends cannot. My friend who got married this weekend had been with her partner for a relatively short period of time. Our mutual homosexual friend has been with his partner for about four times as long. Our homosexual friend was integral in this weddings success, yet he is forbidden from getting married. I feel like ‘getting married’, in todays political climate, is flaunting rights in front of others. “HI! I KNOW YOU CANT GET MARRIED, BUT WHY DONT YOU COME MAKE MY MARRIAGE AWESOME? AND THEN YOU CAN WATCH IT. WATCH ME GET MARRIED WHILE YOU CANT. K THNX.” My friend who got married certainly did not mean that, nor did our mutual friend take offense at her marriage, Im sure, but I personally am repulsed by the idea of taking part in a right others are restricted from (of course, unless partaking in that unfair advantage helped the disadvantaged group, ie voting to give African Americans the right to vote back in the day) Me getting married wont help homosexuals obtain the same rights.
But what we also celebrated this weekend was NY State granting homosexuals the right to get married. Our mutual friend lives in NY, and we had a fun time threatening his partner with marriage proposals (they arent ready, and though they have been dating a very long time, theyre still too young in their lives and in their careers for marriage– OMFG A RESPONSIBLE VIEW OF MARRIAGE! TEH HOMOZ WILL RUINZ EVERYTHING!!!!). We went straight to FOX News to watch them all having heart attacks… but they were covering some murder case that no one cares about (has anyone told the news stations no one cares about this case? because theyre all covering it and I feel bad they are putting all this effort and all we are doing is changing the station…) I was super pumped to listen to talk radio on the way home, but not even Jay Sekulow (THE SECULAR MAN!… wait…) was covering it. The only place I could get my fix was via some Catholic talk radio– basically, they want to excommunicate the governor of NY for supporting the right of homosexuals to get married. Which also grosses me out– why the hell would a pro-gay-rights individual be Catholic? Ugh. Again, a mutual friend who is Catholic was in the wedding, who supports gay rights, and has been threatened with excommunication herself– I asked her WTF. She feels she is a part of The Church and wants to correct it from within. I joked she needs to be careful not to ‘be a part’ of a rotting corpse (we have been friends for ages, an atheist and a Catholic, liek NO WAY!!)
Marriage is just a stupid contract. Sometimes a helpful stupid contract, as I learned from years of watching Judge Judy. But I drove about 20 hours total this weekend, missed days from work, and wore a cliche awful pink dress for one of my best friends because I love her. I would wear a million pink dresses and drive a million miles, if she needed me to. Shes one of my best friends. I didnt need to sign a governmental ‘Best Friends’ contract. I didnt need to have an official ‘Best Friends’ ceremony in a church, overseen by some jackass in a fancy robe.
Its really nice that some people want to get married. Its really nice that homosexuals are finally getting the same right. But this stuff just is not for me.