Adventures in Ethics and Science

Caroling mice: words of advice.

Today I stumbled upon a story the elder Free-Ride offspring wrote. Possibly intended to strike a Charles Dickens-like tone, I think it ended up a bit closer to Dostoevsky.

Of course, I have to share it:

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When Mice Go Caroling

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When mice go caroling, you better watch out.
When they’re done, they will ask for cookies.

OK, so at this point I’m expecting a plot arc of the sort found in the classic book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Likely there will be some unforeseen consequence — or some elaborate chain of unforeseen consequences — following upon this innocent act of generosity. Hilarious hijinks will ensue.

Right?

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If you don’t give them cookies, they will kill you and eat you and eat your cookies.

Uhh … I’m guessing, then, that the smart think to do would be to give the caroling mice your cookies?

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If you give them cookies, they tell other animals.
Soon you’ll be dead broke and starve.

The end

Reading between the lines, I’d have to say the very best thing to do if you see or hear caroling mice approaching your door would be to kill the lights and call animal control.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Comments

  1. #1 Elf Eye
    December 15, 2007

    Guy came by today to look at the furnace. It seems that the furnace depends upon electronic ignition rather than a pilot light, and the ignition wire has been chewed. Guy says he thinks it was mice. Mice were also probably responsible for chewing up the phone line a few years back. If I leave out any cookies for caroling mice, there will be warfarin baked into them!

  2. #2 PZ Myers
    December 15, 2007

    I’m pleased to see that you have inoculated your offspring with an appropriate dose of worldly cynicism.

  3. #3 David Ng
    December 16, 2007

    I think we got the next Stephen King here. Time to hire an agent, I think!

  4. #4 Tristram Brelstaff
    December 16, 2007

    Get a cat!

  5. #5 yajeev
    December 16, 2007

    truly heartwarming. i had to link to this from my blog.

  6. #6 RMD
    December 16, 2007

    Ginger volunteers her services as a mouser.

  7. #7 David Harmon
    December 16, 2007

    It also sounds like the kid’s processing some gruesome story or news-fragment picked up from somewhere or other. You might want to ask about that….

  8. #8 Jill Gregerson
    December 17, 2007

    Nice bedtime story..

  9. #9 Dave Briggs
    December 18, 2007

    Reading between the lines, I’d have to say the very best thing to do if you see or hear caroling mice approaching your door would be to kill the lights and call animal control.

    Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    Yep! And bolt the doors, heading for high ground! I was unaware of the mouse Christmas dangers! Good thing it only comes once a year! LOL!
    Dave Briggs :~)

  10. #10 Eva
    December 18, 2007

    But I’m all out of cookies! Normally, that’s frightening enough in itself, but now I have to explain it to the mice!
    Good thing I have a cat…

  11. #11 blf
    December 24, 2007

    Name your cat “Cookies”.