I was sitting in a small seminar today (about 20 people in a conference room) when someone walked in about 10 minutes late for the talk. This didn’t bother the presenter, and I’m not even sure if everyone saw this person walk in (I was sitting particularly close to the door). It wasn’t that she was walking into the seminar late that bothered me — we all get caught up doing things only to realize that we nearly missed an appointment — but how she walked in. I’m sure everyone has walked into a talk after it has begun, and, depending on whether it’s a lab meeting, departmental seminar, or platform session at a conference, the response from everyone else can range from negative to neutral. But there are ways to walk into a meeting late that do not draw attention, and there are ways to make everyone notice. After the fold I present my guidelines for how to walk into a seminar late.

I am assuming that you do not want to draw attention to yourself when you walk in late. The ideal situation would be for no one to notice you, and you find a seat for the rest of the talk. In reality, the best we can hope for is some folks see you but are not distracted by your tardy arrival. And, of course, finding a seat is a big plus.

• Do not do anything obvious to draw attention to yourself: Do not violently throw open the door. Do not run into the room screaming. Do not charge up to the presenter and give him or her a bear hug. This is pretty obvious stuff, so I won’t dwell on it.

• Do not try really hard not to be noticed: This is where most people have trouble. They open the door very slowly thinking that it will make less noise. Most doors do not have squeaky hinges. No matter how slowly you open the door, it will not make noise. In fact, a squeaky hinge will make more noise the longer you spend opening the door! Also, the more time you spend opening the door, the more time for people to notice you walking into the room. They then peer in as they are opening the door slowly and make that stupid “Oops, I’m walking in late face”. They think that if they make that face people will forgive them for walking in late. It just makes me want to kick their ass. Next, they slowly close the door for the same stupid reason they open it slowly. Once again, more time to make noise and more time to be noticed. All in all, it’s a bad strategy.

• Know the lay of the land: It’s better to walk in late if you know how the room is set up. Usually, if you know how the room is set up, you’ve been to a meeting in that room before, and you know some of the people who will be in the room. People who know you tend to be more forgiving, as well. If you show up late, and you don’t know how the room is set up, you’ll be stuck trying to be stealth in foreign territory, and a bunch of people who don’t know you will think you’re a disrespectful asshole. If you know the lay of the land you’ll be able to find a seat quickly and improvise if none are available.

• Find a seat quickly: Ideally, you want to sit, not stand, for however long you’re in the room. If you’re at a conference with 15 minute talks, and you plan on staying for a single talk, then you probably don’t need to worry about being stealth (if you arrive late, people probably won’t notice you and you’ll miss a large portion of the talk) and having a seat isn’t all that important. This list is geared more towards hour long talks such as departmental seminars and lab meetings. You do not want to stand for an hour, so you need to find a seat. If you arrive late, chances are most of the easy to reach seats are occupied (if not, sit in one of those). If you do not see any easy to access seats and you know the lay of the land, figure out where the open seats are. Find the closest open seat that you can move to with the least distracting maneuvers. For example, if there are two seats equidistant from the door, go to the one that requires you to be in the fewest lines of sight. If there are no available seats (and you cannot see anything from the ground), find a sturdy table and sit on it or lean against a wall (if you really wanted to sit down you would have shown up on time).

• Do everything with a purpose: Open the door with confidence, walk into the room like you belong there, and sit down quickly. The less time you spend as a distraction, the less of a distraction you will be. This goes along with not trying hard not to be noticed. The problem with people who try not to be noticed is that they are timid. In their feeble attempt to go unnoticed, they end up drawing attention to themselves. If you walk in late as if it’s no big deal, it will be no big deal. It’s like Zen for walking into meetings.

• Do not ask questions: Any time you walk in late, you run the risk of missing some important material. If you ask a question, it’s possible that you will point out your ignorance of that material. In the best case scenario, the presenter quickly summarizes what you missed and answers your question. At worst, the presenter says, “I covered that already and I won’t repeat it,” and everyone points at you and laughs. Either way, your cover is blown. Everyone knows you walked in late.

Any other suggestions?