Double Entendre Friday – 24 March 2006

I’m running out of good biology related double entendres, and I want to wait a few more weeks before I post those that people suggested in the comments or that I stole from other blogs (don’t worry, I’ll give you mad props if I jones something off you). So, for this week’s evolgen double entendre, I give you an essay that I came across in high school. To give some context, we were required to write a timed essay on the essay during class. I spent the first five to ten minutes (of the allotted fifty) trying to compose myself before I could even begin to think about what I would write. This week’s evolgen double entendre comes courtesy of E.M. Forster‘s essay, “My Wood”. The (pardon the pun) money quote (I’ve taken the artistic liberty to crop it to enhance the sexual innuendo):

What’s the effect on me of my wood? In the first place, it makes me feel heavy . . . and it was a man of weight who failed to get into the Kingdom of Heaven . . . he stuck out in front . . . and as he wedged himself this way and that in the crystalline entrance . . . he saw beneath him a comparatively slim camel passing through the eye of a needle . . . My wood makes me feel heavy. In the second place, it makes me feel it ought to be larger . . . Pray, does my wood belong to me or doesn’t it? . . . There is a wood near Lyme Regis . . . where the owner has not hesitated on this point . . . He really does own his wood, this able chap.

The creative creationist style quote mining doesn’t do this essay justice. It’s really about a man’s struggle to understand what the ownership of property means too him. Calling it “my property” or “my land”, however, would not have the same effect as calling it “my wood” (hehehe, wood).