Polar Bear Shrinkage

To be filed under: “Every dude who’s gone swimming in a cold pool in the Hamptons could have told you that.”

Polar bear genitals are shrinking:

The icecap may not be the only thing shrinking in the Arctic. The genitals of polar bears in east Greenland are apparently dwindling in size due to industrial pollutants.

Scientists report this shrinkage could, in the worst case scenario, endanger polar bears there and elsewhere by spoiling their love lives and causing their numbers to peter out.


Is it possible that the shrinkage could be due to the fact that they live in the arctic? You know, where it’s really freakin’ cold. And they go swimming in the water. That’s been known to cause significant shrinkage in a certain other mammalian species.

Also, mad props to Charles Q. Choi, the author of this article, for using the following words: shrinkage, peter, and “bearded seal”. In case you’re wondering, this is what we’re talking in terms of size for a polar bear package:

The adult polar bear testicles the researchers examined were on average roughly three inches across and 1.8 ounces in weight, although they could dramatically enlarge during the height of sexual activity from January to July. Their bacula, or penis bones, were on average nearly seven inches long.


  1. #1 Shelley Batts
    August 23, 2006

    The female polar bears are pissed.

  2. #2 RPM
    August 23, 2006

    “The scientists say reducing polar bear penis size would make sex less successful…”

  3. #3 pough
    August 24, 2006

    I think the female polar bears are going to the grizzlies for a little “comfort” (as in, a more comfortable (snug) fit). Wasn’t there some evidence of that shot and killed recently?

    Wait a minute. The penis bone is called bacula? It’s going to be hard to look at Scott Bakula from now on without giggling.

New comments have been disabled.