evolgen

Grandma’s a Mama

Imagine you put grandma in a retirement home. One day, you and the kids head out to Shady Acres to pay a visit to grandma. You meet her in her room — planning to hit up the 4pm dinner as her guest so she can show off the grandkids to the other retirees — only to discover she’s got an infant in her arms. Well, it’s happened:

SHREVEPORT, La. – It’s both a surprise and a mystery. At Caddo Parish’s Chimp Haven, where retired male chimpanzees all get vasectomies, a female chimp has turned up pregnant. Chimp Haven managers knew something was up when they could not find one of their chimps last week.

Teresa, who’s been at Chimp Haven for the past year and a half, was missing during the morning rounds. Later, she appeared with a newborn chimpanzee in her arms.

Okay, it’s a chimpanzee not grandma, but it’s still quite a story. Workers at Chimp Haven plan to bring the whole troop down to the set of Maury and find out who is that baby’s daddy. So maybe they aren’t doing it on a TV talk show, but they are performing a DNA paternity test using hair samples from all the male chimps — each of whom has already received a vasectomy. The lucky fella’ who impregnated Teresa goes under the knife again to correct the incomplete operation.

No word yet on whether they’ll be testing whether the baby chimp arose via parthenogenesis.

Comments

  1. #1 J-Dog
    January 17, 2007

    Maybe they should change the name of the new mother to Mary, since this is clearly a miracle, but I’ll bet a single-malt bottle of scotch that they won’t name the new baby Jesus.

  2. #2 boojieboy
    January 17, 2007

    People are going to suggest that one of the vasectomies didn’t take (which happens often enough). But I am going to make a prediction: imagine our surprise when we find out that the baby is in fact a humanzee. Impossible you say? Perhaps…

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanzee

    Isn’t wikipedia great?

    (I’m gonna get reamed for this one….)

  3. #3 boojieboy
    January 17, 2007

    People are going to suggest that one of the vasectomies didn’t take (which happens often enough). But I am going to make a prediction: imagine our surprise when we find out that the baby is in fact a humanzee. Impossible you say? Perhaps…

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanzee

    Isn’t wikipedia great?

    (just doing my part to stir the pot…)

  4. #4 RPM
    January 17, 2007

    Humanzee? Why, I hardly know her.

  5. #5 boojieboy
    January 17, 2007

    Bah! for the double post. Is the server acting up? Sorry…

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