1st ROUND RESULTS | PRESS CENTER | PRINTABLE BRACKETS

After the excitement of the first round action in the Octopus region, we can only hope that the second round is half as dynamic. The big upset last round saw Unipotent knocking off Totipotent. There has also been an interesting twist, as Internal Medicine was disqualified for a positive steroid test. That means Surgery advances to play the Invertebrates. In the other matches this round, we will see Genomics take on Photosynthesis, Unipotent challenge Phylogenetics, and HIV play Psychology.

#1 Invertebrates vs. #9 Internal Medicine #8 Surgery
When Internal Medicine was DQ’d, the Surgery team had to cancel their vacation in Bermuda important conference for a showdown against the Invertebrates. Surgery captain, Dr. Ego Cutsalot, admits his team would have much rather played the vertebrates. “We don’t really know much about bug anatomy,” remarked the head slicer. “That’s what In-ver-tay-brits are, right? Bugs?” A good journalist shouldn’t ever take sides, but those assholes in masks don’t have a freakin’ chance.

#5 Genomics vs. #4 Photosynthesis
After holding off the NMR surge from proteomics, the Genomics squad says they are braced for whatever Photosynthesis has to offer. In their match up against Respiration, Photosynthesis depended mostly on the angiosperms. Given the familiarity Genomics has with flowering plants, the phytoplankton expect to see lots of playing time — although Genomics coach Craig Venter has been heavily scouting phytoplankton. It seems like whatever Photosynthesis comes up, Genomics will be a step ahead.

#14 Unipotent vs. #6 Phylogenetics
Most teams would be happy simply to make it to the second round from a 14th seed. Unipotent are not most teams. Plasticity and versatility are not their strong suits, but they do know how to allocate responsibility between team members. Phylogenetics relied heavily on computationally intensive maximum likelihood algorithms in their showdown with Linnaean Taxonomy, but they may need to employ more streamlined methods if they hope to run with Unipotent. This is where having Masatoshi Nei and Joe Felsenstein act as co-coaches may backfire. Nei really needs to make his voice heard to ensure U.P. Gma and N. Joe Ning get heavy playing time against Unipotent.

#2 HIV vs. #10 Psychology
I have to admit, I was quite surprised when Psychology upset Neuroscience. But, regardless of who won that game, I doubt either team would have a chance against HIV. This is the same HIV squad that rolled through conference play, holding off upstart H5N1 to capture the league title. What has Psychology done? They’ve been dubbed good listeners by all the teams they come across, but a virus has no mouth. In fact, a virus has no mind. We can only guess how psychological treatment will affect a viral infection that can lead to an immune disorder.

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