It's sweet. It's soooo sweet. All the years of hiding, of playing along, of pretending to be one of them, just to get to this point. How many times did I sit there during afternoon tea, throwing darts at the board with Michael Behe's face on it, laughing at their sick little jokes:
How many Creationists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Creationists don't use lightbulbs. They prefer the Dark Ages!!
Hahahahahaha! Hey, that's a good one. Tell me that one about William Dumbski again...
Sure, I went along. I participated in all those morbidly anti-religious initiation rites professors are forced into but agree not to talk about. I recited all the politically correct cant that is the key to success in academe. At times I was so deep under cover I actually got out of bed in the morning hoping for a chance to hound and ostracize some vaguely religious colleague.
It was clear from the start this wouldn't be easy. They're everywhere, you see, and I think we all know who they are. One wrong move, one wrong thought, and they are on you. Boy are they on you. The Darwinian bloodhounds are everywhere, folks, and they will sniff you out unless you daily express the proper level of contempt for creationists and God and other loathsome things.
But I knew I could do it. Father's words, my studies and my prayers convinced me I should devote my life to destroying Darwinism. My research all along has been devoted to that task. Oh, I couldn't tell them that. Certainly not. I told them I was working on Cheeger constants of Cayley graphs and eigenvalues of arithmetic Riemann surfaces and all manner of other things no one in their right minds could possibly care about. They bought it, of course, on account of how careful I was. I closed every paragraph of my thesis with, “This work is entirely consistent with Darwinian orthodoxy and in no way supports anything any ID supporter has ever said, may their camels spit on them and their verminous offspring.” How could they not give me a degree?
It's simple, really, but the best ideas always are. Make a graph whose vertices are all possible genotypes with two vertices connected if they are one mutational step away from each other. That graph is isomorphic to a Cayley graph of a certain matrix group with respect to a standard generating set. (Surely that's obvious?) Such Cayley graphs attach in a natural way to arithmetic Riemann surfaces, as I explained in obnoxious detial in Chapter Five of my thesis. It is now a consequence of Selberg's eigenvalue conjecture for such surfaces (which everyone just knows is true) that these graphs have weak expansion properties. That is, they have relatively small Cheeger constants, which implies that they fracture easily. Which in turn implies that evolution by natural selection can not move efficiently through the graph. QED.
Don't believe me? Think I've overlooked something? Want me to spell out the details? Bite me! I'm a mathematician. I have a Ph goddam D! From a real school! Who the hell are you? Did you read Chung's monograph on Spectral Graph Theory? Or Harper's treatise on Global Methods for Combinatorial Isoperimetric Problems? Godsil and Royle's textbook on Algebraic Graph Theory, perhaps? No? Then you are an amatuer. Get back to me after ten years of study, and then you will have earned the right to comprehend my brilliance.
After fooling them in graduate school I landed a job in Kansas. Finally, a state with some horse sense! But even here the Darwinian octopus had insinuated its fetid tentacles, depriving the good and open-minded high school students of the state the right hear to both sides of the story. Even when they provided a forum for polite discussion of both sides of the issue, presided over by some of the most learned and free-thinking right-wingers in the state, still they turned up their noses. Went running to their lapdogs in the odious media, and threatened to haul us into their corrupt and godless courts. Darwinian Devils!
And still I waited. Still I played the game. Went into class everyday and told my captive students that their parents had lied to them, that science had proved their was no God. Threw in some Communist propaganda to really cement my bona fides. Those were bad times let me tell you, but I stuck it out. Are we not called to suffer for our faith? Could I not see the promised land looming just over the horizon, a promised land called “Tenure?”
There were setbacks. How I wept when Brother Gonzalez was denied tenure. Could have been one of the greats. Of course the Earth was placed in the perfect place for scientific exploration, and of course that was a slam dunk argument for God. How had astronomers overlooked that all these years? But he was foolish. He underestimated the thuggery of our opponents. He didn't know what I know. He lacked the skill and mental discipline to feed the Darwinian monster the one thing it craves most -- propaganda -- all the while realizing that by giving a little ground up front, you make possible the eventual victory later on. Brilliance and insight alone do not bring victory, my brother, there is also the game. Always the game.
And what of my Seed overlords? Don't have blog tenure do I? Well, what about them? Let them fire me. Oh yeah, please, please, please throw me into that briar patch. I figure there'll be a nice little cameo for me in Expelled 2. Just picture it. Me in a suit, waxing philosophical on the horrors I'd seen. Vaguely bemused by the sheer injustice of it all. “All I did was suggest that maybe evolution wasn't the whole story, and they treated me like an intellectual terrorist! They wouldn't let me blog for them anymore, just because I had the audacity to dissent one whisker from their party line! Oh why oh why won't they let me and so many others just think the thoughts we want to think? Woe is me!”
Delicious. Go ahead, oppress me! I dare you!
So get ready for a whole new blog folks. We're really going to have some fun now....
Comments
Wow, so Larry Moran was right!
Posted by: Dave Munger | May 7, 2008 5:01 PM
FTP:
Nice (Jonathan Wells?) spoof.
Nice blog by the way, your posts are always informative, interesting, and intelligent. Thank you, and keep up the good work!
Posted by: JCG | May 7, 2008 5:11 PM
Not a spoof, an exact quote I think.
Posted by: Rien | May 7, 2008 5:20 PM
Rien
Not a spoof, an exact quote I think.
I meant the post itself was a spoof, the direct quote tags it to Wells. I should've been less ambiguous about it though.
Posted by: JCG | May 7, 2008 5:34 PM
What Do You Mean "We" Kemosabe?
Posted by: bobyu | May 7, 2008 5:35 PM
Is this your way of saying that you got tenure at work?
Err...congrats?
Posted by: Chris Bell | May 7, 2008 5:42 PM
Jason,
having tenure does NOT mean you're meant to sit in your office and knock back a whole case of champagne. At least share some with the rest of the department.
Posted by: Karen | May 7, 2008 6:09 PM
The shark has jumped Jason.
Posted by: blf | May 7, 2008 6:12 PM
Congrats on your tenure!
Posted by: Anon | May 7, 2008 6:13 PM
Great post! The evil Darwinians finally exposed. Oh, how you have suffered
for a just cause. Like Jesus! May the Lord shine his eternal light on your
future efforts. Looking forward to this blog being a vehicle of right wing
Christian TRUTH.
Posted by: pazuzu | May 7, 2008 6:27 PM
Have you had this entry sitting in waiting on file since you turned in your application for tenure? Since you landed a tenured-track position? In other words, just how far ahead do you scheme?
Posted by: JimCH | May 7, 2008 6:30 PM
OhNoez! Tenure! How did the Darwin Police Miss This One!
Posted by: DLC | May 7, 2008 6:31 PM
Oh, they'll rue the day they gave you tenure, all right. The fools.
Posted by: The Ridger | May 7, 2008 6:33 PM
Posted by: Jeremy Henty | May 7, 2008 6:53 PM
What Jason is not revealing is that he is actually involved in a tripleplus secret level of the Evil Darwinist Conspiracy to which all Departments of Bigness (e.g., Big Science) are subordinate. All of the anointed must pretend to be creationists who have escaped the clutches of lower level conspirators, in this way they can expose the ranks of genuine creationists in preparation for their ultimate destruction. Public knowledge of this is dangerous and I would ask you not to read the above paragraph.
Posted by: Tyler DiPietro | May 7, 2008 6:54 PM
Too bad his tenure date wasn't closer to April 1st.
Posted by: J. J. Ramsey | May 7, 2008 7:06 PM
ROFL! Clearly this Monty Hall book has driven Jason completely over the edge.
Well, Jason, there's always the goat blood and the complementary sinister black cloak if you decide to come back to the dark side. Otherwise, no cloak for you!
Posted by: Leni | May 7, 2008 7:14 PM
Ve haff vays uff -- ahem. Excuse me. Even after 60+ years, I still slip into the old accent.
We have ways of dealing with those who somehow slip past the tenure committee. And being evolutionists, we know how to make it look like an accident....
Heil Darwin!
Posted by: Algerine | May 7, 2008 7:30 PM
Leni: "Well, Jason, there's always the goat blood and the complementary sinister black cloak if you decide to come back to the dark side."
What, no cookies? I thought the dark side had cookies.
Posted by: J. J. Ramsey | May 7, 2008 7:30 PM
I knew it...you stacked the tenure committee.
Posted by: BobbyEarle | May 7, 2008 7:48 PM
Brilliant!
Also, following Algerine, Heil Darwin!...and Hitler! What? I'm a Darwinist. What did you expect?
Posted by: Ron Brown | May 7, 2008 8:02 PM
If you "explained in obnoxious detail in Chapter Five" of your thesis that "such Cayley graphs attach in a natural way to arithmetic Riemann surfaces," then when you "told them I was working on Cheeger constants of Cayley graphs and eigenvalues of arithmetic Riemann surfaces," then to say so can't possibly be part of your grand deception, but is in fact the plain truth. And you claim that your thesis shows, fairly straightforwardly, that Darwinism is false. So your thesis committee (committed Darwinists that they are) misunderstood your thesis completely, but passed you anyway. So what good is your Ph goddam D, if the only reason you have one is that your committee is a bunch of incompetents?
See, I've run rings round you logically.
Posted by: Dave M | May 7, 2008 8:35 PM
Actually, some of us did go up the P & T ladder believing evolution was a piece of crap and keeping quiet about it rather than lose our jobs. We'll see who has the last laugh. Maybe evolutionists get to return to their origins?
Posted by: Norma | May 7, 2008 8:58 PM
So, Norma, do you really think OSU would 'expel' cataloguers for being rejecting evolution? Or are just engaging in the creationists favorite past time of making shit up?
Posted by: NJ | May 7, 2008 9:46 PM
Jason, I am a difficult man to amuse, one not often prone to Internetisms, and rarely post a comment simply to affirm what everyone else is is thinking, but I've got to say,
LOL!!!!!!111!!!!!
Posted by: HP | May 7, 2008 10:27 PM
Isn't this 36 days late?
Posted by: Joseph Hertzlinger | May 7, 2008 11:34 PM
Aren't the gloating and detailed discussion of plans for world domination supposed to be withheld until you have a photogenic secret agent a-dangle over a giant vat of boiling piranhas (or functional equivalent)?
Just what does a Mad Mathematician use for diabolic superweapons or cunning death traps, anyhow?
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | May 7, 2008 11:45 PM
IDiot.
Posted by: Bob O'H | May 8, 2008 12:01 AM
"...unless you daily express the proper level of contempt for creationists and God and other loathsome things."
Freudian slip...
Posted by: Lassi Hippeläinen | May 8, 2008 12:13 AM
how can people beleive in evolution? go to this site http://www.evanwiggs.com/articles/reasons.html pretty much proves everything. ha we can from and explosion then we came from some crap that couldnt have survived the way evolutionists described the earth bilions of years ago. evolution is a bunch of shit!
Posted by: bryce | May 8, 2008 12:29 AM
Oh no! Rosenhouse knows our supersecret Darwinist handshake! How will we identify ourselves secretly to one another in public?!
If only, we had say, a three-letter tag at the end of our blog names, we'd know who to trust in out bid to take over the world...
Posted by: The Flying Trilobite, fcd | May 8, 2008 1:23 AM
Bryce, the designer called. You are being recycled. You have talked though your ass and voided your warranty.
Posted by: bobyu | May 8, 2008 1:46 AM
(/lurk)
ROTGLOL
(lurk)
Posted by: alloytoo | May 8, 2008 4:33 AM
Did you read Chung's monograph on Spectral Graph Theory?
Check!
Godsil and Royle's textbook on Algebraic Graph Theory, perhaps?
Check!
Now, how many massive, Internet-scale systems have you designed, eh? ;'D
tsk, tsk.
Posted by: MildlyAmused | May 8, 2008 4:37 AM
Congrats, Jason! It couldn't have happened to a better... uh.. er... that is... couldn't have happened if it were not the will of the FSM! Speaking of whose noodly appendages:
the Darwinian octopus had insinuated its fetid tentacles...
This cracked me up. I LOL'd out loud and nearly choked on my secular, Darwinist, blaspheming organic dark-chocolate-covered cacao nibs.
Posted by: Zara | May 8, 2008 4:45 AM
Well, well, well! Excellent post, Jason! I guess this is the right time to reveal that I am an anti-semite, and have been reading this blog regularly to learn your habits and better plan your assasination. Ah! It feels good to be out in the open, even with a Christ-hating Jew!
Posted by: Valhar2000 | May 8, 2008 5:38 AM
Why would you want to give up your riches for a middle-class theory?
Posted by: NP | May 8, 2008 6:05 AM
Man, I wish I could type this well when *I* was drunk.
I mean, obviously alcohol was involved in this. Did you bring enough for everybody?
Congrats, by the way!
Posted by: Luna_the_cat | May 8, 2008 6:33 AM
Once a mathematician levels up to Ph.D., they can cast Destroy Mind of Opponent. It requires Aleph-0 MP, but at that level, they've got plenty to spare.
Posted by: Blake Stacey | May 8, 2008 9:52 AM
Tenure?
That'll be his sea squirt genes kicking in...
Posted by: eddie | May 8, 2008 10:34 AM
Ra-men, good sir, ra-men indeed.
Posted by: Patrick | May 8, 2008 10:34 AM
Posted by: Reginald Selkirk | May 8, 2008 10:39 AM
Nice use of exclamation marks.
Posted by: Goatboy | May 8, 2008 11:10 AM
You've posted this on the wrong blog. Don't you want a Molly?
:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
Posted by: David Marjanović | May 8, 2008 11:22 AM
oh, Poe...I can't figure out if this is serious or not. If it is satire; bravo! If not:
Nice achievement of tenure on what could be considered false grounds. I am wondering about the ethics of lying your way into tenure. The truth of Darwinian theory not being the point, really. You seem to be proud of your low moral standards. Evidently, honesty is not a part of your professional qualifications. Hopefully your students will keep this in mind (and spread the word).
Posted by: Monty | May 8, 2008 12:03 PM
I especially liked the way the subtle typos begin to creep into it as it went along. (Those were intentional, right?)
Posted by: Hank Fox | May 8, 2008 12:09 PM
What kind of fucktards do they actually let into that university? I mean, holy shit, what kind of batshit wombat is this guy?
T
Posted by: Thomas J. Theobald | May 8, 2008 12:13 PM
This is almost in Poe's Law territory
Posted by: Simon Owens | May 8, 2008 12:14 PM
Let the ID infiltration begin. But first you will require a intellectual disguise involving a syringe large enough to remove about half your brains. Should you be caught or captured the agency will disavow any knowledge....
Posted by: gb | May 8, 2008 12:18 PM
April Fool's Day was several weeks ago!
Here's proof that Creationism is only credible if you are willing to lie. So who is worse, the liar or the moron who is willing to blindly believe the liar?
Posted by: Dale Husband | May 8, 2008 12:23 PM
Jason, Maybe I should ask PZ this, but...
can octopus tentacles actually BE fetid????
Posted by: tristero | May 8, 2008 12:24 PM
Congrats!
Hopefully someday in a galaxy far far away I will also climb the pinnacle of academic achievement and be allowed the freedom to express the TRUTH! Until then I can sit at my computer and munch Black Licorice Nibs until my teeth turn green. The road ahead looks fearsome and long.
In a sort-of twisted version of Poe's Law I am having trouble discerning the satirical comments from the actual fundies with their panties in a wad over your post. Norma, are you for real??
Posted by: Jens | May 8, 2008 12:33 PM
I guess this means you actually LIKE CHEESE?
Posted by: Scholar | May 8, 2008 12:34 PM
Jason, if you're chuckling away at these comments, go read the ones on Pharyngula. Half their readers can't work out what's going on.
(I knew the PZ crowd were useless really).
Posted by: snafu | May 8, 2008 12:38 PM
Congratulations on getting tenure!
Darwinian octopus
You shouldn't have used that phrase. Now I want to see "Darwinian octopus wrangler" somewhere on PZ Myers' c.v.
Posted by: Nullifidian | May 8, 2008 12:45 PM
Yes, finally someone who makes sense in the creationist circle! So, if I understand your plan correctly, you're going to expose the arrogant, lying, bigoted biologists who've been forcing truth down the throats of their students and peers by... being an arrogant, lying, bigoted, argumentum ad hominem spewing mathematician who will be forcing creationist propaganda down the the throats of your students and peers?
Umm, this is a joke, right?
Actually, never mind, I should expect this level of logic from a conspiracy theorist who believes Big Evolution is out to get him.
Posted by: Matt Osborne | May 8, 2008 12:45 PM
Hard to tell if this is satire or not...
Posted by: mike spear | May 8, 2008 12:46 PM
"comprehend my brilliance"
whatever happened to:
"Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty look before a fall"?
hypocrite!
Posted by: Fred Nurke | May 8, 2008 12:47 PM
As a hardworking graduate student in biogeochemistry, I'm really saddened and appalled by your ethical standards. Good for you getting tenure and all, you seem very proud of yourself but was it really worth ruining your credibility. How do you expect people to ever trust you when you're admitting that you've been lying the whole time?
Is victory really that sweet when you have to stoop so low to get there?
I'm using this as a lesson in how NOT to behave in my career in academia. Thank you for showing me that just because you have a Ph goddamn D doesn't mean people should trust or respect me. I plan on earning my PhD and maintaining my credibility.
Posted by: Ali | May 8, 2008 12:49 PM
I call Poe's Law on all of this.
Let me explain how mathematics can lead to delusional thinking. Just because you have a doctorate in Mathematics means little, considering your understanding of evolutionary theory.
Let's go back to epicycles. Sure, mathematically, they were extremely complex, but in order to make sense of circular planetary orbits, which was thought to be "harmonious" a the time, a theory was needed to explain how planets maintained those orbits. Thus, epicycles were created. They were mathematically sound, but in the end, moot, when in fact, it was discovered by Kepler that planetary orbits were elliptical. All the harmonious mathematics involved in calculating those epicycles were wasted, and in the end, simplicity trumped complexity. With Intelligent design, these theories require a creator, which ultimately is the greatest disaster of thought. Dig deeper into emergent properties, and you'll find that very simple interactions can really lead to complexities that we find in the world around us. We may not understand every step yet, but we're getting closer. No thanks to the creationists and IDers whose theories hold as much water as the lunar seas.
Posted by: Helioprogenus | May 8, 2008 1:01 PM
This post really needs more capital letters and maybe some changing font colors.
Posted by: Beth | May 8, 2008 1:01 PM
And it needs more cowbell.
And less idiots. For anyone who is going to attack Dr. Rosenhouse, would you please consider the possibility that it's a big-arsed patently obvious JOKE first?!
Posted by: Nullifidian | May 8, 2008 1:05 PM
Beth said,
I agree. As it stands, it only rates about 0.3 Timecubes.
Posted by: Blake Stacey | May 8, 2008 1:09 PM
POES LAW
Posted by: JULIALIN | May 8, 2008 1:16 PM
Wait, so you lied as part of being "under cover"? How is that christ like? Your entire life lived as a lie just to cause problems for darwinists? You think Jesus really approves of what you have done? You have sinned greatly in lying and tried to make it for a good cause. You sacrificed your morality for your cause! You have done more HARM to the faithful then you have and will do good. You have set the example that its okay to play by the worlds rules, to be part of the world, to be just like them, to screw them. We are called to be separate, unique, faithful, and christ like. Yet in the name of goodness, you have sacrificed all those things. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are no christian. I don't know what you are, but you are far from christ like.
Posted by: Kent | May 8, 2008 1:25 PM
All those awful years you wear t-shirts and jeans. Now you can go back to wearing a nice comfortable suit again.
Posted by: Transient Reporter | May 8, 2008 1:28 PM
I propose a new internet law, call it the Rosenhouse Lemma:
No matter how obvious your sarcasm is, chances are it'll still fly over someone's head.
Posted by: Jon | May 8, 2008 1:30 PM
So you're a fraud... great.
Doesn't that fancy book of yours say something about lying?
Posted by: B.Dewhirst | May 8, 2008 1:30 PM
Scholar asked,
I love that science blogs have their own inside jokes. It's almost like we've got a subculture of our own!
Posted by: Blake Stacey | May 8, 2008 1:37 PM
Hey way to go, Jason!!! You've been living a lie all along,just like Jesus!! Your parents must be proud of you!!
Posted by: Terrellk | May 8, 2008 1:39 PM
I see Poe's law at work here.
Posted by: Rob the Lurker FCD BMWCCA | May 8, 2008 1:39 PM
Well, at least you still have your total lack of ethics.
Posted by: Badjuggler | May 8, 2008 1:50 PM
PROOF THAT THIS IS A JOKE:
To convincingly mask one's view requires mental sophistication and self-restraint.
No creationist has either mental sophistication or self-restraint.
Therefore, no creationist can convincingly mask his view.
Suppose Jason has been convincingly masking his view. Suppose also that he is a creationist. Contradiction. One or both of the assumptions is false. Either Jason is not a creationist or (equivalently) he has not been masking his pro-science views.
Therefore, Jason is just pulling a publicity stunt. QED
Posted by: Joe Lapp | May 8, 2008 1:50 PM
Pretending to be someone who's been pretending to be pretending to belive in...no...
metaPoe.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | May 8, 2008 1:51 PM
Wow. Even fuckin' IDiots can scam tenure through lying and deceitful means. How amazing.
You must be really proud.
I think you are pitiful, deluded, and dishonest to the core.
Congrats, slimeball.
Posted by: None-of-your-bidness | May 8, 2008 1:52 PM
Rob the Lurker:
I see your Poe's Law, and raise you a meta-Poe. (After all, I never meta-level I didn't like.) Are the people jackbooted Darwinists angry at Jason really angry, or are they going along to mock the people they think are really angry, thus becoming copies without an original?
Posted by: Blake Stacey | May 8, 2008 1:52 PM
Don't forget to update that http://www.math.jmu.edu/~rosenhjd/mission.html
Posted by: Mohamed | May 8, 2008 1:55 PM
Do you mean Jason's Monty Hall book? What does it say about lying?
Posted by: windy | May 8, 2008 1:56 PM
"No matter how obvious your sarcasm is, chances are it'll still fly over someone's head."
Word to that. It had me fooled for the first sentence or so, but then I'm just some schmo.
Posted by: Christopher Petroni | May 8, 2008 2:01 PM
Blake Stacy:
I fold. I got nuthin'
Posted by: Rob the Lurker FCD BMWCCA | May 8, 2008 2:03 PM
This reminds me a lot of Ijon Tichy's what, Eleventh Voyage? Truth be told, *all* scientists are creationists, but remain in denial lest we be discovered by our fellow creationists-in-hiding.
Scientists of the world, throw off your reason! You have nothing to lose but your connection to reality!
Posted by: Paco | May 8, 2008 2:14 PM
P.S. Congrats on tenure!
Posted by: Paco | May 8, 2008 2:15 PM
Brilliant. I had a few twists in my knickers before I figured out what was going on. For some, sadly, it seems to be twisted knickers all the way down. Congrats on tenure.
Posted by: beagledad | May 8, 2008 2:20 PM
windy:
There are three blog posts. One of them is real, and two are parodies. You pick the first one as the real example of creationism, and PZ Myers reveals one of the other two as a parody. . . .
Posted by: Blake Stacey | May 8, 2008 2:23 PM
Thanks for pulling everyone's leg so convincingly. Althought it's sad that it's so tough to tell the difference.
Posted by: Paul Lundgren | May 8, 2008 2:23 PM
We now know the truth. The man commenting under the moniker Jon S is really Prof. Rosenhouse showing his true colors.
Posted by: SLC | May 8, 2008 2:39 PM
You think you have won, Rosenhouse, but you have fallen right into our trap. We keep our friends close, but our enemies closer. Did you honestly think tenure could save you? All it will take is one Bible on your desk, one suggestion that evolution did not produce the calculus or irrational numbers, the merest musing about the possibility that there might be a designer (the Question We Dare Not Ask), one improper thought and we will have our freedom-hating bulldogs, the ACLU, take you down.
Soon, we will outlaw Christianity, and then only outlaws will be Christian.
Lest you think your god can save you, I enjoin you to remember: We have no morals. We have no scruples. We are atheist.
Posted by: Brownian | May 8, 2008 2:39 PM
Should I worry? . . . my wife goes up for tenure next year.
Posted by: merkin j. pus-tart | May 8, 2008 2:41 PM
Oh the drama !
@merkin i doubt it...
Posted by: ASS | May 8, 2008 2:46 PM
You really shouldn't have done that.
Now the Darwinian Death-squads are going to pay you, your family and everyone you ever befriended a visit, and there will be quite a few unfortunate accidents.
Posted by: Alcari | May 8, 2008 2:48 PM
I had no trouble seeing through the post. My problem is figuring out which, if any of the indignant commenters are having us on.
What a tangled (inter)web you weave when first you practice to deceive!
Jason, it isn't really a licence to Pile Higher and Deeper. Is it? Congratulations, in any case.
Posted by: JohnnieCanuck, FCD | May 8, 2008 2:50 PM
Still feeling a little woozy after getting tenure? ;-) Well, there's a weekend coming up.
Posted by: Nimravid | May 8, 2008 2:55 PM
The measure of successful satire is the counting of the idiots who didn't get it plus the literal minded who thought it should have been more obvious.
Posted by: bobyu | May 8, 2008 2:58 PM
Now you can afford the rug.....
Posted by: Barklikeadog | May 8, 2008 3:00 PM
Congrats, Jason! It was a fun read
Many of the comments on this thread, on the other hand, were not. Many show how twisted our discourse about evolution has become. Many people simply cannot tell your satire from the real ravings of an ID lunatic.
Sigh.
How do we fix that? Can we fix that? Maybe we should just laugh and laugh and laugh.
Anyway, congrats again!
Posted by: Doodle Bean | May 8, 2008 3:09 PM
And that, of course, is surely the real point.
Remember satirist and sometime mathematician Tom Lehrer's joke about how he felt satire had become redundant in a world where someone could, in all seriousness, award Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize?
Anyway, nice piece of sustained idiot-for-a-day-ness, Jason - and congrats on the tenure.
Posted by: Dr Aust | May 8, 2008 3:32 PM
Poe's Law?
Posted by: Stark | May 8, 2008 3:37 PM
Congratulations on your accomplishment...and on your tenure, as well!
Posted by: satcomguy | May 8, 2008 3:43 PM
Congrats, and nice exfoliation, my friend!
-Tucats
"I can haz Cheeger constant?"
Posted by: TuCats | May 8, 2008 4:28 PM
So you're just another highly educated liar for jesus,then?
So what? How do you feel good about this.
Posted by: Bob Vogel | May 8, 2008 4:47 PM
I'm not surprised. Indeed, Jason, your promotion confirms a suspicion of mine - JMU is a creationist hotbed.
I sent your P&T people an undercover video of your meeting with Ken Ham last spring (didn't know you were tailed during your visit to the museum, did you?). I figured that this would be enough to "out" you. But it didn't matter, because your school is a Liberty in the making. So yer right at home.
[All kidding aside - congratulations, Jason!]
Posted by: Art | May 8, 2008 4:49 PM
Close to half of the readers here didn't get it either.
Posted by: David Marjanović | May 8, 2008 4:54 PM
Umm, I hope you're joking. If not, have you actually read The Origin Of Species?
Posted by: me | May 8, 2008 4:56 PM
Liars for Jesus!
Well done Jason - liar, liar, pants on fire!
Posted by: Mr Zero | May 8, 2008 5:04 PM
Satire people, satire!
Posted by: Mondo | May 8, 2008 5:13 PM
Jason, Jason, Jason... How naive you are! Don't you know that the Darwinian Thought police are always with you, always watching, always three steps ahead of your every move? We allowed you this little act of rebellion, all the better to crush your fragile spirit and take you back into the warm embrace of Big Science. Tomorrow, this post and all its comments will vanish down the Seed Memory Hole, and you shall become an un-person until your re-education is completed. Lecture Room 101 awaits!
Seriously, congrats on the tenure, and on a beautifully crafted piece of parody. (And I, NOT being an undercover agent of the aforementioned Darwinian thought police, am certainly NOT just trying to portray your brave and honest confession as a parody in order to diminish the damage done to our Orthodoxy.) It is somewhat depressing that so many on "our side" appear to have taken you seriously, but I suppose it pays to remember that while the lack of capacity for humor is a necessary condition for being a creationist, it is by no means sufficient.
Anyway, enjoy your new-found academic freedom. And remember - Big Science loves you!
Posted by: LRM | May 8, 2008 5:16 PM
Is it gauche to call Poe's on some of the commenters too?
I would, but I don't think many of them post here or follow Jason's blog (and probably only found the link through PZ's, which I thought made it fairly obvious it was humor).
I just hope those that took Jason's post seriously will continue to read at least a few others and be willing to change their mind in light of further evidence. I know I've seen that somewhere before....
'gratz, Jason, on the tenure, and the satire. I have this image of a bunch of people with fishhooks in their mouths now....
Cheers.
Posted by: FastLane | May 8, 2008 5:43 PM
Cross-posted at Pharyngula...
Rosenhouse's polar opposite: Matt Taibbi.
Life imitating art. Upside down.
http://www.alternet.org/rights/84043
"An Atheist Goes Undercover to Join the Flock of Mad Pastor John Hagee"
Posted by: Ben Riddell | May 8, 2008 5:56 PM
Oh man, this is 100% win. Blake, can I steal this?
Posted by: Davis | May 8, 2008 6:02 PM
Haha, brilliant! You've stretched my satire-detector to its very limits.
Posted by: MF | May 8, 2008 6:04 PM
Davis:
Sure! :-)
Posted by: Blake Stacey | May 8, 2008 6:05 PM
Purest Poe-try. Congratulations, Jason
Posted by: Catman | May 8, 2008 6:12 PM
I had a visitor reach my blog from PZ's and accuse me of having "faith" in evolution and failing to understand blah blah blah. I'd invite all scientists interested in giving that chemist with little understanding of biology and the study thereof a good workover. I've posted his e-mail on my blog at http://exploringourmatrix.blogspot.com/2008/05/scientists-responses-solicited.html
Have at it!
Jason, feel free to join in representing both sides...
Posted by: James McGrath | May 8, 2008 6:19 PM
Have you thought of writing for the Landover Baptist website? :-)
Posted by: Laurie Soule | May 8, 2008 6:29 PM
By the way, Davis, are the photos on your Web site from Burning Man?