Green Gabbro

As you may or may not be aware, Green Gabbro is one of the smallest blogs on the ScienceBlogs network. But on the challenge leaderboard tonight, I'm just two donors behind a first place tie between Drug Monkey, Science Women, and Uncertain Principles. These blogs all get at least triple my traffic (and Science Woman and Alice have stooped to bribery, to boot), but still are struggling to keep up with your generosity.

On a per capita basis, the geoblogosphere kicks philanthropic ass!

I'm also pleased to report that we've put new hot plates into a woefully underequipped high school science lab and rock samples and stream tables into the hands of 125 Texas 4th graders. I spent hours exploring fluid mechanics and sediment mobilization in my backyard sand box as a kid; I can only assume that playing with stream tables in science class will instantly turn the entire 4th grade population of this elementary school into an insatiable horde of small geologists.

Of course, the challenge is barely beginning. There are still three weeks left, and geology - the future of which depends on your contributions towards the propagandizing of young and impressionable minds - could still fall back into ignominious obscurity.

And if kids in this Oklahoma classroom don't get some rocks in the next two weeks, they won't be getting any rocks at all! Santa Claus is not going to leave coal in their stockings. We need to step up and do it ourselves.

I know that your budget is already stretched. You've been eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch every day this month and throwing every last penny you can find to either the Obama campaign or No on 8.

So I'm going to stoop to bribery. Click through to see the prizes.

Like the kids that will benefit from your donations, at least 40% of me is eligible for free or reduced lunch. So I can't bribe you with t-shirts; all I've got are stunts. Here are some blog-related stunts that you might find appealing:

• Naming rights to my rock collection: For a donation of $20 or more, you get to name one of my pet rocks! I'll give it a cute label and post its picture here. If more than one person takes this option, the person to donate most gets first choice of rocks. This is important, because my collection is actually pretty small and crummy; do you really want to be immortalized as the patron of a chipped-off piece of basalt smaller than your thumbnail? (Thanks, Lab Lemming!)
  
• A food geology post: For a donation of $30 or more, you can dictate a theme ingredient, cuisine, and meal course; assuming the theme ingredient is within my budget (NB: this is a serious constraint!) I'll invent a recipe, cook it up, and write a post describing its connections to geology. Oh, and I'll name it after you. Have you ever wanted to be the eponym for a Caribbean-style barley flour amuse bouche? Now is your chance.
  
• A serious science post: Got a question about geology? For a donation of $50, I promise to write a post on it - whether the topic is basic or advanced, fun and relevant or torture for writer and readers alike.
  
• Actually, in addition to stunts, I have people's surplus apples. The first two Seattle locals to donate can each claim a jar of homemade applesauce or apple butter. I'll deliver if you're near Madrona, otherwise you'll have to come pick it up.
  

If you have another stunt you would like to see me perform, please note it here in comments, and I'll set a value on it.

This story scared me, so I'll extend these prize offers to anyone who donates to No on 8, as well. I am sick of politicians trying to redefine my marriage as a form of participation in their creeptastic heteronormative zombie cult of gender roles, rather than simply a commitment between consenting adults.

To claim your prize, forward your donation thank-you email to criminy.crickets [-atsign-] gmail.com.