Ode To Ben Stein: A Poem

Do you know that this is National Poetry Month?

Inspired by national poetry month, I’ve gone ahead and written a poem. I call it “Ode to Ben Stein” … but really, it is only a limerick.

There once was an actor named Ben
He wrote speeches for Nixon and then
Drank too much kool-ade
While on a crusade
He managed to become a has-been.


  1. #1 Cuttlefish
    April 13, 2008

    Those who read the words of Myers know the fellow rarely tires,
    No surprise a film desires his opinion, strongly held:
    When they filmed him, on location, and they held a conversation,
    It was all prevarication—lies are where Ben Stein excelled.
    And producer, too, Mark Mathis, lying’s where the man excelled,
    For the movie was “Expelled”

    “From our schools and institutions, in a form of persecution,
    A priori, contributions from believers are withheld!
    The design of all God’s creatures should be what is taught by teachers!”
    With a cadence born of preachers, this the message that they yelled.
    They were close enough to whisper, true, but verily they yelled,
    And they made the film “expelled.”

    Though they try to make it killer, it comes off a bit as filler
    When they try to say Kitzmiller versus Dover really smelled.
    “It was purely propaganda!” you can read in memoranda
    But the wedge-in-form-of-panda, as a weapon, never jelled,
    Though it may be through incompetence the tactic never jelled,
    And was properly expelled.

    It would really be terrific if Ben Stein could be specific
    And provide the scientific stuff with which his head is swelled.
    In the movie’s poor conflation, trading faith for explanation
    Is the path to guide the nation to the glory it once held;
    Back before the academics stripped the glory we once held,
    And the truth became expelled.

    Ben Stein’s ultimate solution is to hogtie evolution
    But it’s such bad execution the attempted coup is quelled
    Stein is labeled as “heroic”; thus his monotone is “stoic”
    As he braves the Mesozoic, where the early cavemen dwelled
    If we disregard the science, who knows when the cavemen dwelled?
    Any truth has been expelled.

    With a stolen animation, then a too-close imitation,
    These nefarious creationists the storyline propelled.
    All these lame attempts at spinning, from the end to the beginning!
    Lying once was seen as sinning, if the Bible were upheld—
    It’s too bad it’s inconvenient for those rules to be upheld,
    Now the truth has been expelled.

    “A conspiracy of science!” they’re still yelling in defiance,
    Though the truth is, their reliance on dishonesty has spelled
    The demise of their position—and the crime’s of their commission;
    The withdrawal of their permission, when the opening was held,
    Because Myers tried to see it when the opening was held,
    Was intelligence expelled.

    So accustomed to their lying, now they do it without trying,
    These reality-denying little weasels are compelled
    Even if their reputation had a granite-firm foundation
    It would face annihilation, like a mighty oak now felled,
    As it is, ‘tis but a sapling, but the sapling still is felled,
    For the truth has been expelled.


  2. #2 James F
    April 13, 2008

    Expelled: A Haiku

    Darwin to Hitler
    But who is going to buy it?
    Anyone, Bueller?

  3. #3 Onkel Bob
    April 13, 2008

    You misspelled Kool Aid, which as you can read by the wikipedia article, as an artificial substance cannot use the “ade” suffix.

  4. #4 Joshua Zelinsky
    April 13, 2008

    I suggest you submit this to the limerick database http://limerickdb.com/ . I’d do it but I feel uncomfortable submitting one not written by me.

  5. #5 Mike Haubrich, FCD
    April 14, 2008

    How about Vogon Poetry?

    See, see the Vacuous sky
    Marvel at its big mordant green depths.
    Tell me, Ben Stein do you
    Wonder why the manatee ignores you?
    Why its foobly stare
    makes you feel discombobulated.
    I can tell you, it is
    Worried by your michkleschmit facial growth
    That looks like
    A cheese.
    What’s more, it knows
    Your flart potting shed
    Smells of toad.
    Everything under the big Vacuous sky
    Asks why, why do you even bother?
    You only charm muensters.

  6. #6 BLaH
    April 14, 2008

    This is stupid. The first two lines don’t even rhyme. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

  7. #7 scott pilutik
    April 14, 2008

    I think that I shall never see
    Une filme D’institute D’iscovery

    Expelled ’tis called; a travesty
    Blending bi- and the-ology

    The academics’ rational reliance
    Censors ecumenical science!

    Wait! instead for God to answer
    Queries to our world’s great cancers

    Dispel this irony, can you–
    Where the ungodly censors are censored too?

    Expelled is made by fools, you see
    Losers of Ben Stein’s money

  8. #8 steve_h
    April 14, 2008

    (posted at Kevin Miller’s site and removed “for legal reasons”)

    Some company, Plagiarmation (*)
    Once copied a cell animation
    “inner life of the cell”
    it’s as blatent as hell
    so Notw we await litigation

    A comp’ny that really excelled
    at lying to rubes was compelled
    to exploit deaths of jews
    and get in the news
    a pile of shite called “expelled”

    (*) Not a real company. Kevin jokingly mentioned a company called plagermation which also doesn’t exist.

  9. #9 steve_h
    April 14, 2008


  10. #10 Carrie
    April 15, 2008

    I did this before it was cool!

    Ben Stein’s no scientist
    Making a movie which
    probably blows.

    Words can’t express how this
    misunderstands basic
    science, Lord knows.