How many Microsoft software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The burned out light bulb is expected behavior.

In fact, it will be incorporated into the next version as an added feature in the Professional Version (not available at discount).

But seriously folks, if you want to have a look at a few funny anti-Microsoft jokes (and a much larger number that really are not that funny) check this out.

Here’s a couple of examples:

Windows 95: 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company that can’t stand 1 bit of competition.

Bill Gates: If GM (General Motors) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty five dollar cars that got 1000 miles/gallon.
General Motors: Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?

Comments

  1. #1 John S. Wilkins
    July 28, 2008

    From here, the full version is this:

    At COMDEX recently, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

    In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

    6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.

    7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

    8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

    9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

    10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off!

  2. #2 Hank
    July 28, 2008

    Security holes can be funny too.

  3. #3 clinteas
    July 28, 2008

    John,

    yup,that was funny !!

  4. #4 Armchair Dissident
    July 28, 2008

    One of my favourites:
    Macintosh: Most Applications Crash, If Not The Operating System Hangs.

  5. #5 Left_Wing_Fox
    July 28, 2008

    Armchair: Heh, reminds me of my first Mac back in the System 9 days. Part of me loved it because I could do nutty things like drag downloaded reference drivers to the System Folder, shut down the computer, plug in a buddy’s PC “only” VooDoo2 card, and everything would work just right on reboot.

    On the other hand, I think I actually said this one night.

    “Sorry about that. Computer crashed. My fault.”
    “Oh what did you do?”
    “Something stupid. I used it.”

  6. #6 Winawer
    July 28, 2008

    Of course, like any good internet joke (and the Microsoft / GM one is pretty damn funny), it never happened. Just didn’t want anyone to be confused on that point…