I know a man who is best friends with Huey Newton. I know a woman to who took a class from a professor who is suspected of building a bomb used to blow up (part of) a building in the 1960s. I am closely related to a person who shall remain nameless who was under investigation by the FBI for blowing up (part of) a building during the 1960s. I am part of a group of people who broke some government property at a Viet Nam War protest. Details withheld. When I was a young child I sent a threatenting letter to President Richard Nixon. I was once an active member of what in those days passed as the American version of the Communist Party. And so on.

So, to reflect my terrorist association, I have changed my Facebook Name to Greg Hussein Laden. Everybody’s doing it. I wonder why.

KAIIIIILIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!! I am a CRAZY EASTERN TERRORIST with CRAZY EASTERN WAYS!!!!! KAIIIIIILIIIIIIII!!!

Hold!!! (Hold?)

The Ring! She is not wearing the sacrificial ring!?!??!??

My goodness, what do we do now….


The Beatles – Help!

Comments

  1. #1 Kate
    October 12, 2008

    And no one finds it strange that the worshippers of Kali have chosen to chant using traditional Western tones? Why they sound like they’re filking Gregorian Chants!

    And talking about crazy Eastern ways, why are you worshipping a Hindu goddess while taking on an Islamic name? This sounds like some sort of Republican fantasy…

  2. #2 Snarly Old Fart
    October 12, 2008

    I’m the same age as Geronimo Pratt.

    I’ve seen two mushroom clouds, and I caused them both.

    I got chased by Ecuadorian Secret Police.

    I had a roommate who was a courier for the Weathermen. (We made fun of his wacky politics.)

    In the 40s, some members of my family were Bundists and were given the choice of joining the army to fight in the Pacific or else go to prison.

    My own mother was proud of the Nazis, yet worked as a civilian in the US Army during the war.

  3. #3 draconiz
    October 12, 2008

    You should use the kalima clip from indiana jones!

  4. #4 The Science Pundit
    October 12, 2008

    Richard Starkey has the ring!

  5. #5 g
    October 12, 2008

    Greg Hussein bin Laden, surely…

  6. #6 Mike Hussein Haubrich
    October 12, 2008

    Don’t you just love that guild by association? I am a communist because I once signed a petition to have Gus Hall and Angela Davis added to the California Presidential Ballot.

    I am also an Arab Terrorist because I have black friends with Arab sounding names.

  7. #7 Benjamin Hussein Geiger
    October 12, 2008
  8. #8 Alan Kellogg
    October 12, 2008

    Did that close relative make you the chair of a foundation when you graduated from college?

    There are associations, and then there are working partnerships.

  9. #9 Greg Laden
    October 12, 2008

    Alan. The alleged terrorist is a college professor. Since when do we, in the United States of Fucking America, openly accuse a person of capitol crimes when they have not been charged, tried, or convicted. The premise is bullshit.

    Besides, it was a time when the government was going too far with its power and the people could still rise up and do something about it. No more. The Bush family and the Republicans have pretty much taken care of that.

    I want every single person in congress to be someone who knew someone who was vaguely connected with someone who might have blown up an empty building during the 1960s.

    I want every president from now on to be someone who, if they were old enough at the time, would have protested the Viet Nam war.

    I want people who look back at the 1960s and say “Oh, those hippies, they weren’t really for anything” or “Oh, those protesters, they went to far” to not vote.

  10. #10 Chance Husayn Likely
    October 12, 2008

    Six degrees: My father’s bridge partner’s college roommate’s girlfriend’s father was one of the Ayatollah Khomeini’s personal bodyguards.

    Actually, that’s not a bad meme: Six Degrees of Bill Ayers.

  11. #11 Greg Laden
    October 12, 2008

    Well, if we want to talk about body guards … a guy that worked for me in Zaire was previously Idi Amin’s door gunner at the time of Amin’s return to Uganda.

    He loved Amin.

  12. #12 JanieBelle Hussein McKnight
    October 12, 2008

    I know you.

  13. #13 Kate Hussein Bancroft
    October 12, 2008

    I know JanieBelle.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    in the biblical sense.

  14. #14 Lou Hussein FCD
    October 12, 2008

    I do what they tell me.

  15. #15 Anasama
    October 12, 2008

    Thank you Greg, for this confessional space. You’ve been a friend to me, and because of implications of association I should make clear my ties to terrorists – Commie Pinko Liberal Eastern “Quaker” Apologist Terrorists, no less. In the 1990′s, I helped to fund the anti-American American Friends Service Committee’s mission in sanctioned Iraq to provide little children with essential nutrition and medication. Yes, I helped to keep alive those very insurgents and geehadees of today that are killing our men and women in the Middle East and plotting to destroy our innocent civilians here at home.

    I have also protested against General Electric, Alcoa, and, er, the White House, adopted a vegetarian diet, taken a friend to an abortion clinic, done origami, attended peace rallies, colored my hair red, and friended PZ Myers on facebook.

  16. #16 Greg Laden
    October 12, 2008

    To be honest, Anasama, I had avoided mentioning my association with you because I didn’t want to scare anybody or bring the man down on both of us… but now that you are confessing, there is not much I can do….

    But did you have to mention the Quakers? You might have GONE TOO FAR with this one.

  17. #17 Dan Hussein J
    October 12, 2008

    Well, I can’t say that I have any overt connections to groups that would get me blacklisted or imprisoned by the administration. I am probably on a government watch list anyway; for using illegal cryptography software and exporting it to foreign countries electronically, supplying other software to people in Malaysia when they couldn’t get it otherwise, falsifying my age on federal documents, reading and posting to Greg Hussein Laden’s blog. On second thought, I guess maybe I would be blacklisted or imprisoned.

  18. #18 clinteas Hussein somethingelse
    October 13, 2008

    If I wasnt running an operating system not endorsed by the NSA,I would probably be receiving US government spy software by now,for being so closely linked to a former supporter of a sympathizer of a supporter of someone dodgy,40 years ago.
    Your country is really funny sometimes.

  19. #19 Colin Hussein Bartlett
    October 13, 2008

    Though I may be but twenty four, I have already fallen deep into the glitter-and-brimstone-lined pits of liberal treachery.

    I have lied to both blood and sperm donors about my sexuality, thus allowing my filthy homosexual blood to infect many innocent hospital-goers and soon-to-be-mothers with The Gay.
    I funded the terrorist group Voices in the Wilderness, who funneled money and resources to starving Iraqi children (who were, as pointed out previously, obviously insurgents in the making) to speak at my high school, and broke bread with the terrorist Kathy Kelly.
    I was born to a woman who participated in the 1968 Democratic National Convention riots along with her mother. I am now classmates and friends with multiple students charged with terrorism outside of the RNC in St Paul, Minnesota. I drove students I was responsible for to a hospital to treat pepper sprayed eyes and wounds resultant from police batons and rubber bullets after an attempted blockade of a shipment of armored vehicles from my hometown’s port to Iraq.
    My grandmother was a participant in the Seattle WTO Riots.
    One of my closest friends is the child of illegal immigrants, and literally every friend that I grew up with whose parents weren’t from another country was the child of socialist Jews.
    As a Chicagolander (itself suspect), I worked on Hussein Obama’s first senate campaign, making me even further complicit in his plot to rid the country of god-fearing white people.
    I am a Gay Athiest Vegan Scientist, and made a shirt that says so. Surely this counts as sedition.
    I go to a college that flipped a damned cop car (admittedly for unjustified reasons), for Tiktaalik’s sake.

  20. #20 Mad Hussein LOLscientist, FCD
    October 13, 2008

    The FBI has a dossier on me. How do I know? I was given security clearance to work in a uranium-enrichment plant in the late 1970s. (I didn’t take the job. My friends and I sure got a good laugh out of the situation though!) I shudder to think what’s been added to that file since then, especially when you consider that for 15 years I was a member of a church full of gay-rights advocates, abortion-clinic escorts, war-protesting pacifists, you name it…… even a couple of registered members of the Socialist party. The church itself provided sanctuary to a succession of Salvadoran refugees.

    Stick that in your smoke and pipe it, FBI. I’m sure you’d never give me clearance now!

  21. #21 katastrofa
    November 1, 2008

    My co-worker is an Iranian. My boss is Iranian. (I work in London.)

    How anti-American and pro-terrorist does it make me?

  22. #22 Greg Laden
    November 1, 2008

    Kat: Depends on the Iranians, I would imagine. I briefly lived in an Iranian Neighborhood in the US. The Iranians were exiled supporters of the Allaytolla Khomeini. Then the Iranian Revolution happened and all the Iranians in my neighborhood moved back to Iran.

    Of course, I suppose to the FBI an Iranian might be an Iranian.

  23. #23 katastrofa
    November 1, 2008

    That’s the point: you look at them via political glasses, for me they are just guys and gals who work in finance.