You all remember the PZ Myers vs. Chuck Norris meme. Well, Chuck Norris just wrote a letter to Barack Obama which makes me think we need a Chuck Norris vs. Barack Obama meme. First, the letter from Chuck to Barack (which I have because I was cc’ed, of course…)
Dear President-elect Obama:
First, congratulations on your victory. The historical magnitude of your presidential win is nothing short of stupendous and a colossal fulfillment of the American dream (an achievement embedded long ago in the equality clauses of the Declaration of Independence).
It’s likely no big surprise that I don’t see eye to eye with you politically. Actually, I stand in stark opposition to most of your politics. Still, I realize that we must learn to work together if we are to see our country get back on track. After Election Day, I asked myself, “How can I work for our new president to help better America?” Then a thought occurred to me. The first question that should be answered is: How will you work for me? After all, “We the People” of the United States employ you, correct?
So here are a few ways you might begin to gain the respect of those who oppose you and to show that your campaign pledges to bridge the divides were not empty promises to get you into office. And these requests I make are based upon the inaugural oath you will make Jan. 20, “I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” No doubt these won’t be my only requests through the years, but they serve as a good beginng: — Use and cite the Constitution. If that constitutional oath (“preserve, protect and defend”) is the central duty of your job description, then I assume we will be hearing often from you about exactly how you are doing just that. There is no replacement for strict adherence, application and defense of the Constitution. And it’s high time that presidents quit reciting the presidential oath tritely and then abandoning its tenets when they enter the Oval Office. You should be quoting from the Constitution publicly as often as a preacher quotes the Bible to his congregation — at least weekly. If you take this oath and challenge seriously, you will limit the powers of federal government, reduce taxes (for everyone), encourage the freedom of religion and expression (even in the public square), and stand up for such things as our right to bear arms. The American public and the government have lost their grip on the content and role of the Constitution, but if you daily choose, you can help to re-educate and model its usage for them.
— Protect American life. … bla bla bla …
— Lead more from the center. It’s been pointed out by countless pundits, and your track record is clear: You have one of the most liberal records in the Senate. You’ve had the liberty of voting and fighting for an agenda “from the left” as you’ve tried to persuade state and federal lawmakers to do the same. But if you continue to lead our country down a more liberal road, you will follow the peril of Bill Clinton, who… bla bla bla ….
We will be watching bla bla bla…
One of your 300 million bosses,
So far, Obama’s response to this letter, according to a source inside the Obama campaign, was to stand up, and start shuffling back and forth across the room with his shoulders in a deep slouch and his arms swinging in a rubbery pattern, saying “Yezz, bozz … I hear ya, bozzz …. Whatever da bozz sezz, bozz…”
So … let’s have it. It should not be too hard to come up with a few Chuck Norris Style Barack Obama aphorisms …. (see this for guidance)