Along with all other words that end in “Monkey.”

The small and insignificant college produces a list every year of banned terms. These are always terms that have gotten on the nerves of members of the English Department at LSSU, ultimately drawn from a list of nominations provided by pedants around the world with nothing better to do.

Entries include the likes of:

“If I see one more corporation declare itself ‘green,’ I’m going to start burning tires in my backyard,” wrote Ed Hardiman of Bristow, Va., in his submission. Nominators also had their fill of “carbon footprint” — the amount of greenhouse gases an individual’s lifestyle produces.

… and …

“I am so tired of hearing about everything affecting ‘Main Street.’ I know that with the ‘Wall Street’ collapse, the comparison is convenient, but really, let’s find another way to talk about everyman or the middle class, or even, heaven forbid, ‘Joe the Plumber.'” wrote Stacey from Knoxville, Tenn. She provided only a first name in her bid to eradicate — or at least separate — Wall Street” and “Main Street.”

… and other whine-full meanderings.

For the first time in the history of this dumb list, an emoticon was banned. The Yahoo News Story reporting the event was unable to display the emoticon because they lack the HTML coding skills, but I’ll show it to you because I’m a ScienceBlogger and we can handle these things:


(it is supposed to be a heart)

Here is the rest of the list:

  • Green
  • Caron footprint or carbon offsetting
  • Maverick
  • First dude
  • Bailout
  • Wall street/Main street
  • ___ Monkey
  • Icon or Iconic
  • Game changer
  • Staycation
  • Desperate search
  • Not so much
  • Winner of five nominations
  • It’s that time of year again

I totally agree with banning “not so much” and “Staycation.” But the economic and environmental terms, not so much.

The quotes above are from here.


  1. #1 Pierce R. Butler
    January 1, 2009

    To the esteemed LSSU English faculty: Happy Monkey!

  2. #2 The MadPanda
    January 1, 2009

    I have here a missive from Sun Wukong, the Handsome Monkey King and Great Sage Equal to Heaven.

    His Bananafied Magnificence is deeply concerned that the inclusion of the word ‘monkey’ on their list sets an inauspicious precedent. His Utter Awesomeness much prefers the ‘happy monkey’ meme.

    He includes three bananas and a finely embroidered cassock for whomsoever shall throw the largest custard cream pie in the face of the people responsible for this insult against monkeykind in general.

    Oh, and sympathy for Drugmonkey for being thus insulted.

    Happy Monkey.

    The MadPanda, FCD

  3. #3 The Science Pundit
    January 1, 2009


    I completely agree with you that we should leave the economic and environmental terms alone, but the rest of what you said, not so much.


  4. #4 Disconcerted
    January 1, 2009

    What to do now!

    The English Department at LSSU has truly thrown a monkeywrench into my plans for the new year. I had planned to monkeyaround with my friends, but I guess that is now out. I emailed my monkeysuncle in order to asked for his sage advise. But, all I got was a short autoresponse that indicated that he has terminated all such monkeybusiness.

  5. #5 Mike Haubrich, FCD
    January 1, 2009

    Oh, no, disconcerted. You are in the clear. The compound words you want to use are in the form monkey__________, and LSSU wants to ban ___________monkey. Like Lovemonkey (which is what all my main squeezes call me, ) and Drugmonkey. Take a deep breath and step back and monkey whatever needs to be monkeyed with.

    I’m too busy singing.

    Now, if I had been of a mind to ban a phrase, I would ban the phrase “It needed to be said.” This phrase generally follows an anti-intellectual rant against America-hating “librels” and “athiests” who want tolerance for Terrorist Muslims but hate any dispplay of Christianity or flag-waving. (If it needs to be said, just fucking say it so we can laugh at you all the sooner.)

    It’s close cousin is: “I’m going to be un-PC here…” followed by inane stupidity.

  6. #6 Brian X
    January 2, 2009

    As a volunteer studio monkey at a public access TV station, I believe my rights as a primate-American have been violated.

    And the “Banished Words” list is nothing more than a soggy biscuit for William Safire wannabe wankers.

  7. #7 Tom L
    January 2, 2009

    That emoticon should have been banned because of what it unfortunately happens to resemble. (Not going to say what that is, but your statement about “we can handle these things” is suddenly worth a snicker in its own right.)