I do not advocate this cookbook.

But it might be worth thumbing through it just for fun …

You must be over 18 to read the rest of tis blog post.

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Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants.

But employees must wash their hands before returning to work …

Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen.

Well, I once knew a sailor who was a really good cook …

Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!

Recipes include such items as “Almost White Russian” and “Man Made Oysters.”

Which reminds me of the archaeology graduate student who was asked “Name one book by Gordon Childe” and all he could come up with was “That one about masturbation” (thinking of the title “Man Makes Himself.”) … But I digress.

Oh, and Creamy Cum Crepes and Tuna Shashimi with Dipping Sauce.

Continuing with the blurbs:

My name is Paul Photenhauer. My friends call me “Fotie” and you can too. I enjoy food and cooking it – especially when I add a little semen to the dishes I create. No, I’m not joking and no, I’m not some sort of whacky freak.

HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!! YES YOU ARE!!!!!

Oh, sorry …

I’m just passionate about everything I do, including cooking with cum. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoy the book and the blog. I would love to hear what you have to say, so be sure to leave a comment or two!

– Fotie


OK, I have a couple of questions.

1) How does this relate to a vegan diet?

2) Lent. What do you do during lent?

3) Is there a recipe that involves caviar?

That is all.


  1. #1 Romeo Vitelli
    January 28, 2009

    My review of this worthy tome consists of but a single word: “Ew”.

  2. #2 Brad Pitcher
    January 28, 2009

    As long as the donor is willing, semen is considered vegan. This has been discussed in articles that mention the B12 content of semen and vaginal fluids. This allows vegans to recycle B12 with each other!

  3. #3 Fargo
    January 28, 2009

    Huh. My brain seems to be flickering on and off.

    I’m not sure which is worse; a book about cooking with baby batter or knowing that some idiot vegans have bothered to contemplate if it’s ok to go down on each other.

  4. #4 Brad Pitcher
    January 28, 2009

    Fargo, I suggest you attempt to be kinder to people, especially strangers. Studies have shown that it is the number one desired trait by both sexes[1].

    [1] Buss, D. M. (2003). The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating. New York: Basic Books. (ISBN 0-465-02143-3)

  5. #5 Benqoph
    January 28, 2009

    Srsly My mind just exploded. anyone else throw up a lil in their mouth thinking about this?

  6. #6 Pierce R. Butler
    January 28, 2009

    OK, I have a couple of questions.
    1) …
    2) …
    3) …

    Has Fotie’s excitement gone to your head?

    And what kind of quantities of Fotie’s preferred ingredient are required for a big dinner?

  7. #7 Hank Campbell
    January 29, 2009

    That’s the best thing I read today.

  8. #8 idlemind
    January 29, 2009

    I just love the category for this post: “cell biology.”

  9. #9 Mimi
    January 29, 2009

    This can’t be real. I hope.

  10. #10 Stacy Mason
    January 29, 2009

    Best line comes from the blurb under the ‘Lime Aoili’ recipe “Don’t try and hurry the procedure since it takes time and a lot of wrist action to absorb the oil into the egg.”

    Although from a completely unrelated source it seems apropos “Let the spice flow.”

  11. #11 NJ
    January 29, 2009


  12. #12 uncle noel
    January 29, 2009

    “I’m not some sort of whacky freak.”
    Whacky is as whacky does!