There is a theory that the Large Hadron Collider has had bad luck getting started up, and the US based super colldiing super duperductor was defunded over 10 years ago because the Higgs Boson does not want to be discovered, and has gone back in time (to now) to muck up the process of its own discovery in the future (then). The story is outlined in an article in the New York Times.

I like this theory a lot because not only is it the ONLY POSSIBLE rational explanation for congressional sticker shock regarding a major big science project in the US during a Republican administration and the ONLY POSSIBLE rational explanation for technical things going wrong with the most complex technological thingie every built, but because it is also the ONLY POSSIBLE explanation for Glenn Beck and Michele Bachmann.

Notice that Michel Bachmann’s name is spelt with an extra “n” at the end and is missing an “l” in the first part. See?

Comments

  1. #1 Sanity
    November 8, 2009

    It’s not just the universe that hates humans, it’s the future!

  2. #2 ZBicyclist
    November 8, 2009

    One thing for sure: This theory isn’t being sent to us from the past from William of Ockham.

  3. #3 HiggsBoson
    November 8, 2009

    Come with me if you want to live!

  4. #4 Christopher Guerra
    November 8, 2009

    “[while burning the Narrator's hand with lye]
    Tyler Durden: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
    Narrator: No, no, I… don’t…
    Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
    Narrator: It isn’t?
    Tyler Durden: We don’t need him!”

  5. #5 Jason Thibeault
    November 9, 2009

    The article refers to Nielson and Ninomiya as “A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists”. Emphasis mine.

    As I’m not big on fate, and I don’t put much stock in the branching-multiverse concept, I doubt everything about this. But, of course, I could be wrong. Gave me a good chuckle though!

  6. #6 QuantumMechanic
    November 9, 2009

    I think the authors of the research neglected to cite the number one inspiration for their research.

    “There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
    -DNA

  7. #7 jj
    November 9, 2009

    @QuantumMech:
    I was going to pull out the same quote… But since you beat me to it, here’s another one of my favorite Douglas Adams quotes:
    “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move”

  8. #8 QuantumMechanic
    November 10, 2009

    “There is yet a third theory, which suggests that both of the first two series were concocted by a wily editor of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy in order to increase the level of universal uncertainty and paranoia, and so boost the sales of the guide.
    This last theory is of course the most convincing…”
    -DNA