2012: an actual review

Julia ended up with a minor concussion today.

Too many face palms during the movie 2012!

But seriously folks, we did just watch the movie 2012, and I can make a few comments on it. I’d like to start out by making a list of academic and applied areas that were butchered by the movie:

  • Ship building
  • Geosciences (all of them)
  • Aerodynamics
  • Physics (all areas)
  • Geography
  • Archaeology
  • Political Science
  • Psychology

But otherwise, it was fun. The premise of the movie is that the Mayans had it right: At the winter solstice 2012, which is the end of the 13th cycle of the current Long Count, the world ends because the planets all line up with the sun AND the center of the galaxy.

Neutrinos from the sun cause geological instability which makes the crust of the earth slide around thusly fucking everything up big time.

The science is truly bad. In so many ways. Some of my favorites that I did not expect:

The 6,000 foot deep kettle of water located in the 11,000 foot deep abandoned copper mine in India which appears to be located beneath the home of one of the characters in the movie, who’s wife makes awful curry, is boiling, but they can still open the top … of a 6,000 foot deep container of boiling water …. and it looks like when I’m making spaghetti.

The awful curry part is just SO WRONG! Do they not know that “curry” is not an Indian thing, but rather, a post-colonial British construction??? Jeesh….

Oh, and then there’s the part about every time you park your car, a fissure forms right underneath it.

It is possible that the earthquakes were directly affecting the airplane’s ability to fly because of air currents or something, but you’d expect there to be some sign of down drafts.

Tidal waves do not crest in the deep sea. The big boat would not have done the Poseidon Adventure thing.

And finally, there is no way … NO WAY … that the dog would have been either willing or able to do that thing it did on the big cable when the girl with the boob job called it over. No way.

The really interesting part of the movie, really, will be over the next couple of years as we see how many morons are actually out there, believing that the Mayan prediction is correct. In some ways I don’t really care because if you are that dumb then maybe you deserve to have dumb-ass things happen to you, like you buy a ticket for an escape pod or something. I am a little worried about collateral damage by the morons. And the children. I’m worried about the children.

About the Mayan Long Count: Various prophecies suggest that at the end of certain cycles bad things happen. You will actually hear skeptics saying that this thirteenth cycle means nothing because the long count does not end until after 20 cycles, which is a very very long time from now (thus, the term “LONG” count….). While it is true that there are 20 major cycles in the Long Count, it is not true that the disaster is supposed to happen at the end of the count. Well, there is one then too. But there is another, intra-count disaster planned by the Mayan Gods for after the 13th cycle.

Except of course, that’s just crazy religion talk and it will be no more true than the value of prayer to the people at The Vatican was in this movie.

The other thing… I know of some 23 different calibrations for the Long Count and I don’t like any of them much. We actually don’t know when the thirteenth cycle ends. This is good for blogging because as each different cultish group predicts a particular day to be the end of the world, we can make fun of them.

The best performance in this movie: Woody Harrelson by a mile.


  1. #1 Stephanie Z
    November 21, 2009

    And I got yelled at because I put “I’m fine” at the end of Tweet mentioning the ER, not at the beginning. Yeesh.

  2. #2 Romeo Vitelli
    November 21, 2009

    Beware Roland Emmerich. Roger Ebert got turned into a stupid-looking character in Godzilla for daring to knock one of Emmerich’s earlier masterpieces (the fat NY mayor was named for him). Do you want to end up squashed in a future movie for giving him a bad review?

  3. #3 CynicView
    November 21, 2009

    Aha! While the nuts believing in the 2012 apocalypse jump to their own conclusions, I shall jump to mine:

    The believers (hopefully there will be a great many of them) from now till the day of the never coming end, might feel less compelled to be productive in work, education or society in general – thus creating an environment where competition becomes on the average easier, and I will appear to be more competent against such a composition of people than I really am!

    MUHAHAHAAH! The evil capitalist in me laughs, perhaps I’ll even get to free-ride one of these er…. “good-natured but ideologically misplaced” people.

    Oh my dog, I’m evil enough to be made a Sith Lord.

  4. #4 Jason Thibeault
    November 22, 2009

    It wasn’t yelling, Stephanie. Just misplaced concern.

    Yes, I’m up after I tweeted that I’d be going to bed. I’m fine by the way.

  5. #5 MadScientist
    November 22, 2009

    If you include the arts, they’ve butchered History: where is the evidence that the ancient Maya ever predicted an “end of the world”? Going by what other people write, they’ve butchered more of the arts as well.

  6. #6 MadScientist
    November 22, 2009

    Roger Ebert’s review had me laughing. He seems to have enjoyed the movie, essentially says it’s great mindless fun worth spending your money on if you’re into catastrophe movies, one of the best in its genre but otherwise not a great movie. I think I’ll put the movie on my “watch it when it’s on TV” list. Since I have no TV it’s more likely that I’ll see it as an in-flight movie.

  7. #7 Ana
    November 22, 2009

    And not just that, Stephanie, but posted immediately after “Make Your Own “Liquid Nitrogen” At Home”. Gah. 😉

  8. #8 RFWoodstock
    November 22, 2009

    There is hype and truth about 2012 even some doom and gloom. At Woodstock Universe we believe 2012 is the beginning not the end. What we envision now post-2012 to be, is what will manifest.

    We will giveaway a Woodstock Universe Prize Package to the best member blog on “What will happen in 2012?”

    Prize package includes Woodstock Universe T-shirt and magnet, WDST decal, Radio Woodstock Live in Woodstock CD and Woodstock 3 days of peace and music Director’s Cut DVD.

    Join Woodstock Universe to blog.

    Check out 2012 info and listen to RADIO WOODSTOCK 69 which features only music from the original Woodstock era (1967-1971) and RADIO WOODSTOCK with live music from the original Woodstock era to today’s artists who reflect the spirit of Woodstock. Watch Woodstock TV.

    To blog or vote in our 2012 poll on what will happen in 2012 at http://www.woodstockuniverse.com.

    Peace, love, music, one world,

  9. #9 R. Barber
    November 22, 2009

    Manefest Woodstock!!!!

  10. #10 SQB
    November 22, 2009

    Isn’t it all just a Mayan y2k?

  11. #11 Formerly Apostate
    November 23, 2009

    Hmm – I’m Pakistani, next door to India, and my mother and grandmother and I grew up on curry.

    We may not call it that – but the Brits didn’t invent our food. They just borrowed it and gave it a name in English.

  12. #12 Christophe Thill
    November 23, 2009

    For the Mayas, the Bad Things happened quite a while ago. Looks like they weren’t written in their calendars. Or perhaps it was in very small glyphs, and no one had invented the magnifier yet.

  13. #13 Greg Laden
    November 23, 2009

    We may not call it that – but the Brits didn’t invent our food. They just borrowed it and gave it a name in English.

    Which is what I mean to convey.

  14. #14 lion
    December 8, 2009

    Does anyone know any good websites where i can buy chemsuits & night vision goggles etc?
    2012 PREDICTIONS and where to go should the situation arise
    1.Ice Age: heat is the most important thing here, go to a much hotter country like mexico or africa, if that isnt possible due to snow and ice locate to a libary or some place with lots of fuel to burn for heat. If its a full ice age a.k.a (snow ball earth) we are all doomed this affects the whole planet, the only thing that can survive are single celled organisms but you might able to hold out for a few years.(watch day after tomorrow the film)
    2.Large: hadron collider: unless you have a space ship you are other wise dead nothing survives a black hole.
    3.Asteroid: if we all get a warning from our currupt goverment warning us about a asteroid (unlikely) try to get to the higest moutain you can find to escape the tidal wave, don’t go to a sky scraper it will get washed away after the tidal wave its anyones guess, the volume of dust and rock that gets thrown up into the asmosthere may block the suns rays plunging the world into darkness for thousands of years we will all perish (except for the rich elite families and governments who will be tucked up in there under ground bunkers that are HUGE!!! check out dumbs under ground bases on you tube it will blow your mind, if you have seen resident evil the film they are basicly like the hive+100)
    4.Planet X: nothing you can do not even dumbs bases will survive, planet x is the size of mars and could collide into earth.
    5.Nuclear War WW3: either locate to the south pole to escape the radiation and the bombs or try to get into one of dumbs under ground bases (FAT CHANCE) the only other place i can think of is metro tube stations they are quite structurly sound make sure u have a shit load of RAD X and a chem suit,.(play FALLOUT 3 the computer game for a feel 4 nuclear war) its really realistic.
    6.New World Order: for me this is the 1 which i think will happen, don’t take the swine flu vaccines its a death sentence, the final phase of the plan is coming together, 2012=reduce the poulation down to 500 million if you don’t believe me go on you tube and type in FEMA DEATH CAMPS, they are every where around the world stock piles of millions of plastic coffins. you have to understand that our masters don’t give a damn about you or your family all they care about is what they have allways cared about and thats controlling the whole goddamn world. whats there goal, there goal is a 1 world goverment and ultimate power, a micro chip in your right hand with every thing about you on it a tracking device built into it, no money everything is on this chip EVERYTHING you cant eat with out it, get a job with out it and if you rebel against the system they will just turn your chip off or worst kill you.OUR SOCIETY IS RUN BY INSANE PEOPLE FOR INSANE OBJECTIVES. I THINK WERE BEING RUN BY MANIACS FOR MANIACAL ENDS AND I THINK IM LIABLE TO BE PUT AWAY AS INSANE FOR EXSPRESSING THAT. THATS WHATS INSANE ABOUT IT. check out the film zeitgeist for a more of a understanding of what is to come, the orwellion totalitarian nightmare future is just around the corner please so wake my brothers for WE ARE THE ONES IN CONTROL NOT THEM!!!

  15. #15 nwo rebel soldier
    December 8, 2009

    the 2012 movie is just hype holly wood always sugar coat everything. i knew about 2012 years ago and so many other people also did its not going to be a natural distaster, its the new world order thats whats going to happen 4 more info check out the film (zeitgeist) illuminati controlled hollywood is trying to cover the fact up that people know about the new world order. wake up people dont trust movies, media or goverment look around you the signs are every where go on you tube type in (fema death camps) they plan to reduce the poplation down to 500 million (codex allamentaris) soz about spelling lol. george orwells 1984 is now so wake up.

  16. #16 Stephanie Z
    December 8, 2009

    …4 more info check out the film…

    …wake up people dont trust movies…


  17. #17 Greg Laden
    December 8, 2009

    nwo soldier: Start leaning Mayan now.

  18. #18 Azri Jamil
    December 13, 2009
  19. #19 Irene
    December 13, 2009

    Azri , 2012 is not real.

  20. #20 mandas
    December 14, 2009

    Earth to people….
    It’s a movie.
    It doesn’t pretend to be real.
    It’s a movie.
    It’s full of bad science and bad special effects and bad acting – just like every disaster movie ever written.
    It’s a movie.
    It takes liberties with the possible – just like every movie ever made.
    It’s a movie.

  21. #21 Stephanie Z
    December 14, 2009

    To paraphrase Marion Zimmer Bradley, willing suspension of disbelief does not mean hanging it by the neck until dead.

  22. #22 r4 dsi
    December 14, 2009

    In this day, age, and financial times, where are we as a society headed? There are many shows covering the topic of 2012 and the doom that is being predicted. What message is this sending our children? Is the goal of these predictions to incite panic, a means to make a profit from pending tragedy, or to prevent disaster from happening? No matter the reason or purpose. I believe it is causing fear. This is leading people to make some questionable decisions with the attitude, “the world is going to end in 2012 anyway

  23. #23 Robert
    December 14, 2009

    Wow. R4dsi is spam. Pretty impressive.

  24. #24 nwo rebel soldier
    December 17, 2009

    if you dont have guns and ammo i suggest you buy plenty, martial law is just around the corner, movies like 2012 are just put there to distract our minds from the truth!!!depopulation is the agenda of the rich ruling elite (common sense would dictate a major cull of some kind,the world is finite size and over populated). but our puppet goverments around the world have sopsicated tec kept out of the public arena this tec could let the world sustain 50 billon and every one could live in an eden of plenty and not have to work ever but folks the rich elite dont want that.thats why they enslave us with fake terrorism, money, wars, media, virus they create then force us to take our cancer shots, poison our water and food. these are the names of the crooks that go out of there way to keep the truth hidden they are the real terrorists in the world:windsors, rockerfellers, rothschilds, bilderbergs.our stupid pathetic puppet goverments have sold there souls because in the end when they have taken care of us they will dispose of them as well.

    the war wages on for minds.check these sites out http://www.infowars.com, http://www.prisonplanet.com
    i dont care if they trace my ip address.EVIL PREVAILS WHEN GOOD MEN FAIL TO ACT!!!!

  25. #25 nwo soldier
    December 17, 2009

    global warming is a con and they are using this tool to implement their nwo agenda. look folks al gore is a fonny he has a share in 1 of the major oil companies in the world that churns out tons of carbon dioxide if that isnt a good bullshit story lol the more u start to unlearn every thing you think u know about the world the more you start to see lies every where

  26. #26 Greg Laden
    December 17, 2009

    nwo soldier (aka “timo”) … that one “f” should be a “ph” if I get your meaning.

  27. #27 Raging Bee
    December 30, 2009

    When did 2012 suddenly become the end-of-the-world-date-du-jour? Wasn’t it the loony-Christian crowd who first latched onto it when they announced that Obama was the Antichrist? Not sure why Christians would use a Pagan calendar in their reinterpretation of Bible prophesies. Anyway, I’m guessing this movie is intended to pander to the same sort of apocalyptic lunacy.

  28. #28 nwo rebel soldier
    December 31, 2009

    you are totally right Raging Bee RELIGION is just another tool of control used by those who seek to control us, also the 2012 movie is bull people have been talking about that year for as long as i can remember and illuminati controlled hollywood seeks to distort whats trully going to happen why? because people are starting to waken up from the dream the more u start to unlearn every thing you think you know about the world the more you start to see lies every where we have been lyed to by every instition on this planet and what makes you think the riligious instition is the only one that has not been touched they are at the bottom of the dirt pile i dont know what god is but i know what he isnt. Anyway where was i are yes any dumb idot that thinks of 2012 will imediatlly think of the movie and thats what they want the truth behind 2012 is that they plan to carry out eugenics against the people. so know i bet you are asking your self what does the mayan calender have to do with this its simple 2012 21/12/12 is the transformation of human conciousness.

    As soon as your born they make you feel small
    by giving you no time instead of it all
    till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
    they hurt you at home and they hit you at school
    they hate you if your clever and they despise a fool
    till your so fucking crazy you cant follow there rules
    when theyve tortured and scared you for twenty odd years
    they expect you to pick a career
    when you cant really function your so full of fear
    keep you doped with religion and sex and tv
    and you think you so clever and classless and free
    but your still fucking peasants as far as i can see
    theres room at the top they are telling you still
    but first you must learn how to smile as you kill
    if you want to be like the folks on the hill

    and thats who we are facing folks degenaret scumbags who wish to control us physically and mentally

    buy plenty of guns and plenty of ammo

  29. #29 nwo rebel soldier
    January 1, 2010

    dont watch the avatar film folks its full of sublimal messages and could damage you on a mental level, also i have noticed the sheer amount of nwo propagander in the film is everywhere the biggest issue for me is how the basis of the film is based around carrying out eugenics against a native peoples. look how much money they spent on that damn film its incredible also noticed the director when interviewed talked about how the majority of cash was spent on research about how the movie could affect the individuals brain processes. i think watching this film could on a subconcious level make u like the nwo thats why i have gave this film a miss!! greg i have left some spelling & grammer mistakes for you to correct lol

    long live the republic!!!