An inspirational message from god. : Greg Laden's Blog

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An inspirational message from god.

Posted on: November 11, 2009 4:59 PM, by Greg Laden

If you are an atheist, you won't want to see this. It will shatter (he he) your beliefs. This was sent to my daughter by a fellow student.

What I love about this is that it is a simple unadulterated lie. But it's OK to lie for god.

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Somebody recently wanted to know what evangelism was? Yeah, this. Inspirational, ain't it?

Isn't it funny how, when it asked whether I was laughing, I was? Still am. 300 students in a philosophy class dealing with the existence of god that's required for somebody's major? A philosophy professor who out argues all his students and crowns the achievement by engaging in cheap theatrics?

Heh.

Posted by: Stephanie Z | November 11, 2009 5:10 PM

Ugh, people are still trotting out this story? Enough already!
http://www.snopes.com/religion/chalk.asp

And if that's the music christians listen to, well then their taste is about as good as their logic.

Posted by: Scup | November 11, 2009 5:21 PM

Oh, there's music. I had not listened to the music since I received it from Julia in a public place and had the sound turned down...

Posted by: Greg Laden | November 11, 2009 5:27 PM

I'm just glad to know Satan believes in God! Sums it all up, really...

Posted by: Amy | November 11, 2009 5:32 PM

The music reminds me of this:

http://scienceblogs.com/gregladen/2009/05/on_the_seventh_day_god_rocked.php

Posted by: Greg Laden | November 11, 2009 5:33 PM

That mean philosopher with his impeccable logic. Impeccable logic is unfair!

And the Snope link (thanks) says that the first record of this story is from the 60s

Posted by: Colin | November 11, 2009 5:35 PM

I want my 4 minutes back after watching that (I got over it after that long). What the hell does that story have to do with anything? If that story was true, I'd say USC students need to work on their own critical thinking skills if a)You are afraid to discuss your ideas with a philosophy professor and b)The whole class gets 'converted' back that easy? Sounds like a bunch of lemmings to me

Posted by: jj | November 11, 2009 5:36 PM

My ears are bleeding!

Aaaarrrggghh!!!!!111111!!!!!

Posted by: The Science Pundit | November 11, 2009 5:39 PM

well that sure convinced me.

yawn.

Posted by: rob | November 11, 2009 5:40 PM

I'm just glad to know Satan believes in God!

Ha ha ha ha ha!!! Very good.

Posted by: Enoch | November 11, 2009 5:42 PM

What happened to the professor's pants and shoes?

Posted by: rLL | November 11, 2009 5:46 PM

That's it. I'm digging out my rosary from second grade and praying like the dickens.

BTW, it's become apparent that the proprietors of Snopes are Christian. I've seen several tiny incidents of apologia that would be annoying if Snopes weren't such a valuable resource.

Posted by: Isherwood | November 11, 2009 5:51 PM

Ack! It's e-mail glurge put to video!

Posted by: the bug guy | November 11, 2009 5:54 PM

Oh my god Ive been so stupid! You have too Laden, Im not afraid to say it. All your readers have. Im deleting myu blog and starting a new one to praise the one true Lord. Please join me before its too late.

All hail Thor! Mighty hammer wielding deity! Please don't smite us like you did that jewish wannabe (nailed to a cross he was).

Repent now or you will never enter Valhalla to fight and die every day for eternity (kind of like dealing with creationists)

Posted by: Lorax | November 11, 2009 5:59 PM

Everybody knows philosophy professors don't wear pleated pants! How gullible do they think we are!?!?

Posted by: Comrade PhysioProf | November 11, 2009 6:08 PM

Why the fuck is this a YouTube video? It's just text. Lame.

I couldn't help but notice that the chalk still broke, nineteen times out of twenty.

Posted by: Nemo | November 11, 2009 6:10 PM

But Lorax, only boys get to enter Valhalla. Why would I want to hang out there?

Posted by: John McKay | November 11, 2009 6:18 PM

This stupid thing has been going around for more than "just a few years"... try 1920s. =]

Snopes is wonderful for this sort of thing:
http://www.snopes.com/religion/chalk.asp

Just don't try to send the snopes link to people who honestly believe in this drivel. They have a tendency to start crying.

Posted by: AnotherStephZ | November 11, 2009 6:19 PM

What's disappointing about this is its bottomless inanity. People you thought were pretty much OK send something like this and you're disappointed in them.

Posted by: george.w | November 11, 2009 6:36 PM

So wait, let me get this straight. God DIDN'T stop the chalk from HITTING the floor, which I believe was the professor's original statement. What changed?

Posted by: orion | November 11, 2009 6:51 PM

jj: "I want my 4 minutes back"

Be happy you're not me, wishing for the full five minutes and twenty-nine seconds. Is it too late to choose Option 1: "Pretend you never read this"?

Isherwood: "the proprietors of Snopes are Christian"

Then I've been misled by a Birther/family member who recently informed me that the snopes people are "Big Obama Supporters" that are against God. :(

Posted by: Lynn | November 11, 2009 6:58 PM

But for three months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said, or what the class throught. Nothing they said could ever shatter his faith ... he hoped.

Why in hell would anyone ever pray not to learn something, no matter what? And why would anybody admire a person who did such a stupid thing?

Posted by: idahogie | November 11, 2009 7:00 PM

The Snopes people may be religious, but it's never stopped them shredding religious glurge. Not all religious people are contemptible morons. It's just the 95% that give the rest a bad name.

Posted by: Cath the Canberra Cook | November 11, 2009 7:15 PM

The most annoying thing about this story is how one doesn't really need any critical thinking skills to see why it is stupid. Chalk doesn't break whenever it hits the ground. As a matter of sheer chance, the chalk should fail to break much more frequently than once in 20 years. Probably once in every three or four times it won't break.

I like how this version, like many versions of the story, the student then gets 30 minutes to preach about Jesus. Yeah, because everyone would be willing to stay and listen to that. Ugh.

Posted by: Joshua Zelinsky | November 11, 2009 7:16 PM

It's worse than I thought -- this is posted multiple times on YouTube, under different accounts. One of them has almost nine million views! But at least there are some parodies and rebuttals, like "This Will Keep Us From Thinking" and "This Will Keep Us Thinking Freely".

Posted by: Nemo | November 11, 2009 7:18 PM

Ugh! Not the chalk story again....

Posted by: Roadtripper | November 11, 2009 7:24 PM

I was hoping for a good ending to a boring story. You know, something like, "And the sky blackened and lightning flashed, and God crawled out of the professor's ass, turned the man around, and set his teeth on fire!"

I am bitterly disappointed. These people need better writers.

Posted by: Rose Colored Glasses | November 11, 2009 7:44 PM

I love that not only is the professor allowed to teach atheism by rote (and this in a philosophy course), but that he's allowed to be abusive of his students, who are too terrified to contradict him due to his impeccable logic.

I also love that this would never happen in real life. The hue and cry from the religious after day one of his classes would be phenomenal, much less twenty years worth of it.

Posted by: Jason Thibeault | November 11, 2009 8:24 PM

I am still trying to picture a university where students don't argue with their professors. That made the whole thing unbelievable right there.

So Greg, are your daughter and her friend STILL LAUGHING?

Posted by: Glendon Mellow | November 11, 2009 8:46 PM

Well, I think the person who sent it to her did so to inspire her to take Jesus into her heart and stuff. So at this point I think they're still at the "giving each other the evil eye" stage.

Posted by: Greg Laden | November 11, 2009 8:48 PM

I believe, I believe.... that I just wasted 5 minutes of my life.

Posted by: Richard | November 11, 2009 8:52 PM

Wait, so believing in Jeebuz gives you Jedi powers over pieces of chalk? Sweet. Or am I missing something?

(Also, the natural pedant in me wants to point out to this person that you do not, in fact, have two choices. You have one choice comprising two options. One of my pet gripes.)

Posted by: MattR | November 11, 2009 10:28 PM

Don't you get it? The professor was actually Christian all along! The chalk broke into a hundred (exactly 100! Imagine the odds!) pieces every time. Thereby supporting his (hidden!) point all along, until God just happened to be on the toilet this one fateful moment. Having faith in God instead of actual confidence or experience, the instructor ran away and collapsed in a sobbing heap in the bathroom after this tragic event. The student saved the day by succinctly explaining how it is that God isn't actually someone you can count on. You pray your ass off every freakin' day for three months straight, and this is what you get? Chalk!?

If a God exists, and caused the chalk to break either: every time but once, or only that once; that god is, clearly, either incontinent or capricious. The moral of this story -- I don't think it means what they think it means.

Posted by: John | November 11, 2009 11:50 PM

I hate these videos that are just text like this. It's the wrong medium. If someone wants to do that, make a web page.

Here's what I do: wait for the whole thing to load, then drag the slider across at something like 10x speed. You know, a more comfortable reading speed.

As for the video, it sounds like it came right off a Chick Tract. The whole premise just feels like it came from someone completely delusional.

Posted by: skeeto | November 12, 2009 12:03 AM

It's not a joke? It's not intended to make you laugh? Sorry, guys, but it did.

But it sure started me thinking. And here's what I thought:
This is how uneducated believers imagine university. When they read this, I'm sure they're glad they never went to such a horrible place.

Posted by: Christophe Thill | November 12, 2009 5:35 AM

#33: "that god is, clearly, either incontinent or capricious"

Imagining an incontinent God just made my day :)

Posted by: Marek14 | November 12, 2009 9:48 AM

I hate the way they frame it as a small Christian minority against a big atheist minority. It says, "Sure, a few Christians slipped through over 20 years". I'm sure it was more than a few, probably a few thousand.

Posted by: catgirl | November 12, 2009 10:23 AM

I know I heard this story (viral email) in the mid 1990s. I thought it was trite and improbable then, and I was a christian at the time.

Posted by: Steve R | November 12, 2009 12:51 PM

I, for one, am NEVER afraid to argue with impeccable logic.

Posted by: becca | November 12, 2009 1:10 PM

Not enough information to determine if there is a God or not:

When the professor's jaw dropped, did it break into pieces or roll away intact?

Posted by: Marion Delgado | November 12, 2009 2:37 PM

Wow. So much bitterness and hatred towards people who believe in Something bigger than themselves. It may not be a true story, but what warrants all these snide comments?

Posted by: Jennifer | November 12, 2009 8:14 PM

Jennifer: Because the story itself is deeply insulting to many people.

Posted by: Greg Laden | November 12, 2009 8:46 PM

If there was a god, he could have stopped the font sizes from changin every other slide.

Posted by: Ben Zvan | November 12, 2009 10:23 PM

A more inspirational story:

I almost forgot to comment on this one. Anyway, I love this story. I was raised in a Christian household, but became an atheist at around 11 after reading the horror story known as the Bible for the first time. Despite this, I was still squeamish about using God's name in vain for years after, even though it is so much fun. This story changed that.

After initially being angry and outraged at the absurdity of this story when I first heard it about fifteen years ago, the silver lining quickly became apparent. Every time I accidentally dropped something, it was no longer my fault, but was actually God being a dick. If I yell at him now, I'm no longer using his name in vain (whatever that actually means), I'm simply stating what happened. To this day, anytime I drop anything as benign as a pencil, I give a drawn out, fist shaking, Charlton Heston, DAMN YOU GOD!!!, and I feel fine.

Posted by: José | November 14, 2009 4:51 PM