… they weren’t scared, but the guy trying to rob them sure was.

Wally was sitting at his computer when the man entered his home.

“He just stood there in that doorway, standing there with a shovel,” said Wally. “I thought, ‘what the hell is going on here?’ I thought it was a joke!”

After hearing all the commotion, his wife, Betty, went to the front of the house and found him on the floor. Wally had been punched in the nose and it was bleeding.

“I sat on the edge of the bed. He says, ‘give me your hands! I’m going to tie you up!’ And I said, ‘No, I don’t think so,” Betty said.

What? Who punched whom? Wait, was this guy armed? This is a very poorly written article.

They both resisted. It happens to be in Wally’s blood. The World War 2 veteran wasn’t about to give in to the guy’s demands — his wife wasn’t either.

His wife wasn’t in World War II? What?

After a couple minutes of struggling, the man ran out the door with nothing.

“I’m damn near 92 years old. So, I’ve lived my life. He’s got his ahead of him, and it might not be too rosy, you know?” Wally said.

Huh? What? Did Wally cut off a body part or something?

I have no idea what happened here, but I’m guessing the following three things are true:

1) The “arms” carried by the “armed robber” was a shovel.

2) I’m not going anywhere near Wally’s lawn.

3) When I say “Elderly Minnesota Couple Fends Off Home Invader With Gun” what I mean is “Elderly Minnesota Couple Fends Off Home Invader No Guns Were Involved”

Read the badly mauled story here. Don’t forget to check out the comments. There’s some real whackaloonery going on there, as is often the case.

Comments

  1. #1 dean
    February 3, 2011

    Did I miss any mention of a gun in the story? And this

    After hearing all the commotion, his wife, Betty, went to the front of the house and found him on the floor. Wally had been punched in the nose and it was bleeding.
    “I sat on the edge of the bed. He says, ‘give me your hands! I’m going to tie you up!’ And I said, ‘No, I don’t think so,” Betty said

    seems to imply Betty was magically teleported from the front of the house to the bedroom?

    I’m glad the guy and his wife are safe, but you’re correct: the writing sucks. That said, you don’t have a monopoly on horrible newspaper writing in your area. My “favorite” headline locally:

    “Man killed by collision with house on snowmobile”

  2. #2 Greg Laden
    February 3, 2011

    Dean: Notice also my word choice in the title of the blog post. Can’t tell who has the gun.

    Anyway, yes, those snow-mobile riding houses are a menace!

    And, for those disinclined to click the link, the original title of the article was: “An Elderly Couple’s Defiant Stand Against Armed Robber”

    So yes, I’m pretty sure the home invader was armed with a shovel.

    Also, it may be worth noting that this is apparently a partial transcript of a TV spot, which might explain the “writing” … it’s actually talking. But still.

    Also, Wally, the intrudee, is a clown. Don’t mess with the clown.

  3. #3 dean
    February 3, 2011

    Your headline noted – prompted my comment.

    “Also, Wally, the intrudee, is a clown.”

    Surely, you can’t be serious. :)

  4. #4 Don
    February 3, 2011

    One of my cow-orkers knows Wally and yes, he is a clown; rides one of those little trikes in parades and such. The “armed” intruder should know better than to wield a plastic[*] shovel against some 92-year-old clown!

    [*]As reported by a Winona newspaper

  5. #5 Camille
    February 3, 2011

    I saw the story on the news last night. It didn’t make any more sense on TV than it does written. From what I could tell, the robber ran away simply because the couple didn’t cooperate. If anyone had any kind of weapon, it wasn’t mentioned.

  6. #6 Warren
    February 3, 2011

    “A masked intruder wanting money barged into Wally and Betty’s apartment in St. Charles over the weekend. However, he got something in return. … After a couple minutes of struggling, the man ran out the door with nothing.”

    Bu – whaaaa?

    So – he wanted money, but got something, then left with nothing.

    This is a riddle, isn’t it? Is the answer “A tree”? “A shoe”? Ooh – I know, “An egg”!

    And Greg, the intruder was obviously armed. In fact, it seems he had two of them.

  7. #7 dean
    February 3, 2011

    And Greg, the intruder was obviously armed. In fact, it seems he had two of them.

    But clearly he wasn’t forewarned(because he wasn’t, well, …)

  8. #8 CherryBomb
    February 3, 2011

    I suppose you could read the headline as meaning that the elderly couple had a gun, which they used to fend off the intruder. It’s ambiguous the same way as the house on the snowmobile.

  9. #9 Azkyroth
    February 5, 2011

    “I sat on the edge of the bed. He says, ‘give me your hands! I’m going to tie you up!’ And I said, ‘No, I don’t think so,” Betty said.

    “I couldn’t believe it. How could he be thinking of THAT when there was an intruder in the house?!”

Current ye@r *