Living the Scientific Life (Scientist, Interrupted)

Republican-English Dictionary

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A published author who now is a friend of mine after I reviewed his book sent me some words that he found in a top-secret copy of the Republican-English Dictionary. He noted that these words and their definitions are useful for those of us who have been recently experiencing difficulties deciphering speeches and news reports delivered by the current administration.

But it’s top seekrit, so don’t tell them that we know! Shhh!


Words stolen from the top-secret Republican-English Dictionary;

alternative energy sources n.

    New locations to drill for gas and oil.

bankruptcy n.

    A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.

“burning bush” n.

    A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire about non-issues.

Cheney, Dick n.

    The greater of two evils.

class warfare n.

    Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

climate change n.

    Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans (Also: global warming).

compassionate conservatism n.

    Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

creation science n.

    Pseudo-science that claims George W. Bush’s resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.

DeLay, Tom n.

    Past tense of De Lie.

extraordinary rendition n.

    Outsourcing torture.

faith n.

    The belief that the Beatitudes (statements made by JC) include “Blessed are the rich” and “Blessed are the war-makers.”

free markets n.

    Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

girly-men n.

    Men who neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.

God n.

    Senior presidential adviser.

growth n.

  1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
  2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.

healthy forest n.

    No tree left behind.

honesty n.

    Lies told in simple declarative sentences (e.g., “Freedom is on the march”).

House of Representatives n.

    Exclusive club; entry fee: $1 million to $5 million (See: Senate).

insanity n.

    See: staying the course.

laziness n.

    When The Poor are not working.

leisure time n.

    When The Wealthy are not working.

liberal(s) n.

    Followers of the Antichrist.

No Child Left Behind riff.

    There are always jobs in the military.

ownership society n.

  1. A civilization where 1% of the population controls 90% of the wealth.
  2. A political system where all power is in the hands of the owners.

Patriot Act n.

  1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
  2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.

Patriotism n.

    Blindly supprting the actions of the government without question.

pro-life adj.

    Valuing human life up until birth.

Senate n.

    Exclusive club; entry fee: $10 million to $30 million. (See: House of Representatives).

simplify v.

    To cut the taxes of Republican donors.

staying the course interj.; colloquialism.

    Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results (See: insanity).

stuff happens interj.; colloquialism.

    I don’t have to live in Baghdad.

voter fraud n.

    A significant minority turnout.

woman n.

  1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can’t be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.
  2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn’t want to have sex in the first place.

[Formatting mine, following the example of Dictionary.com. Gee, aren’t I talented?]

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Comments

  1. #1 DRR
    July 31, 2006

    I would add:

    Patriotism – blindly supporting the actions of the government without question.

  2. #2 GrrlScientist
    July 31, 2006

    thanks! i’ll add it to the dictionary.

  3. #3 DRR
    July 31, 2006

    Glad I could contribute.

  4. #4 Owlmirror
    July 31, 2006

    Formatting nitpick: The first few in the list are not italicized, then starting after “climate change”, everything is italicized.

    Not sure what you’re intent was, but I thought I’d point it out.

  5. #5 GrrlScientist
    July 31, 2006

    oops! thanks!

  6. #6 Alon Levy
    July 31, 2006

    crime n.

    Any illegal activity committed by a person making under $50,000 a year.

    freedom n.

    1. The freedom of religious fundamentalists to impose their views on the entire country.

    2. The freedom of corporations to embezzle money from the public.

    pro-business adj.

    Supporting the right of large corporations to commit fraud and impoverish masses of people.

    racist n.

    A person who does not think American racism ceased to exist in 1968.

    sanctity of marriage n.

    Discrimination.

    sound science n.

    Science based on soundbites.

    tax relief n.

    A reduction in the tax level of people making more than $100,000 per year.

    tort reform n.

    A change in civil law making it harder for people to recuperate after suffering from corporate fraud (See: pro-business).

  7. #7 ray robison
    July 31, 2006

    and now for democrats

    truth

    something to be made up whe the real facts are inconvenient

    http://hrw.org/reports/2005/egypt0505/5.htm

    V. Bad Precedent: The 1995 and 1998 Renditions

    As Egypt’s domestic Islamist insurgency was winding down by the second half of the 1990s, the Egyptian government turned its attention to those who had fled abroad. The Egyptian government policy in the mid-1990s was to become the template for treatment of such militants for the next decade, including after the September 11, 2001, attacks on the United States. From the beginning, this response has featured efforts to have suspects returned to Egypt in secret, without regard for existing judicial mechanisms, the incommunicado detention of suspects upon their return, and subsequent reports that the suspect was tortured, or in some cases had died in detention.

    Beginning in the early 1990s, a small group of Muslims began to trickle into the former Yugoslavia to assist their Bosnian Muslim co-religionists, and to fight against the Serbs in the ongoing civil war. The U.S. government took note of these developments. According to Richard Clarke, then the head of counter-terrorism efforts in the National Security Council, Washington demanded that the Bosnian government expel the militants. Short of fighters and in the midst of a bloody civil war, the Bosnian government was apparently reluctant to do so.61

  8. #8 Analeye Lipschitz
    July 31, 2006

    Why make that feeble attempt Ray.

    You are trying to talk to people that think “Bush Lied, Kids Died” is a witty slogan for a failed political party and ideology.

    I especially love the work that went into Tom Delay, “De Lie” – what a kneeslapper! I just about dumped in my pants when I read that. What a bunch of complete asshat losers. They even know they don’t honestly believe half the things that come up in their loser brains.

  9. #9 Alon Levy
    August 1, 2006

    truth

    something to be made up whe the real facts are inconvenient

    Well, that’s in every politician’s dictionary, so contrasting it with Republican words is misguided.

  10. #10 Mark Smith
    August 1, 2006

    It’s somehow comforting to see that, although conservatives have been driving the bus essentially unopposed for five or six years now, they still don’t hesitate to blame “liberals” for the problems that result. When so many other things are changing for the worse, rightwing stupidity remains a constant.

  11. #11 Gerry L
    August 2, 2006

    Activist judge: Any judge whose rulings we find objectionable

    [Just to be clear, “we” means “Republicans.”]

  12. #12 Tabor
    August 2, 2006

    I wonder if this dictionary is in the Library of Congress?

  13. #13 David Marjanović
    August 2, 2006

    If the Republicans will stop telling lies about us, we will stop telling the truth about them.
    — Adlai Stevenson

    “Witty slogan”? Are you having Clenis envy, or what?

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