I know that the holidays were originally celebrated by non-religious folk — more commonly known as “godless heathens” by the religious wingnuts of all persuations in the crowd — but our holidays were savagely stolen, repackaged and sold as religious consumer events devoted to orgiastic spending, so I’d like let you know that you are not stuck sending out schmaltzy religious holiday cards any longer. Now you can reclaim our holidays for what they were: time for celebrating the solstice and spending peaceful time with our loved ones, instead of spending money we don’t have on trinkets that no one wants and then drinking ourselves into oblivion after seeing the debt we’ve racked up.
Thanks to the good people at the Order of St. Nick, you can purchase proper heathen holiday cards as well as holiday cards that poke fun at religious wingnuttery in general. For example, where else will you find such holiday gems as Baby Jesus Paternity Test Christmas Cards? But if you think this site only caters to the rare free-thinkers in the world, don’t despair! Here’s something especially for political conservatives; the Barack Obama Claus Christmas Cards — these allow you to make a political statement while also observing the holidays. Really, what more can you wish for, except perhaps a new Lexus, courtesy of a tax-payer bailout? Additionally, your cards can be environmentally-friendly if you purchase high quality, chlorine and acid free matte paper consisting of 30% post consumer waste and 50% total recycled fiber.
Financial interest notice: I am not affiliated with, nor do I benefit in any way from the sale of these cards. I am merely performing a public service by mentioning them here.