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GrrlScientist is an evolutionary biologist, ornithologist, aviculturist, birder and freelance science and nature writer. A native of the Pacific Northwest, she relocated from Seattle to NYC with her parrots after earning a BS in Microbiology (emphasis in Virology) and PhD in Zoology (Ornithology) from the University of Washington. In NYC, she was the Chapman Postdoctoral Fellow at the American Museum of Natural History for two years, pursuing part of her "dream" research project by reconstructing a molecular phylogeny of the parrots of the South Pacific islands. GrrlScientist and her five parrots are currently relocating to Germany, where she will continue writing her blog while also writing a book and learning German. (Meanwhile, her parrots will continue to nibble on her extensive personal library.) If you appreciate GrrlScientist's writing, you can help pay her living expenses by hiring her to "blog" your conference, speak at your club or write articles for your publication (or by clicking on the Paypal button below). If you read an essay on this blog that you especially enjoyed, please nominate it for inclusion in OpenLab2009.
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Topic Categories: Humor • Satire • Streaming videos
Posted on: July 9, 2009 6:59 AM, by "GrrlScientist"
tags: Onion News Network, research, monkeys, medical news, humor, satire, streaming video
In this video, ONN reports on a newly published study indicating that repeatedly stabbing monkeys with sharpened objects may have an adverse effect on their health and longevity [1:08]
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Comments
Clearly a ploy by BigPharma to market anti-stabbing drugs to people who don't need them.
Posted by: becca | July 9, 2009 8:49 AM
this is animal abuse. where's PETA when you need them??
Posted by: kat | July 10, 2009 4:04 PM
this is satire. where is intelligence when you need it??
Posted by: anon | July 10, 2009 4:09 PM
"This is animal abuse!"
*beat*
"THIS IS SATIRRRE!" *kicks*
Posted by: PhatChance | July 10, 2009 6:57 PM
This is a joke right? wtf?
Posted by: huh | July 11, 2009 11:17 AM
This is a joke right? wtf?
Posted by: huh | July 11, 2009 11:19 AM
its the onion news... of course its real
Posted by: low_rida | July 11, 2009 1:46 PM
I like the ticker at the bottom.
Giraffe mauling tops the list of least likely way to die.
Phoenix, AZ the most likely city to die in during a layover.
I didn't hear how much the monkeys bled. They need to do another study to see how much blood each money looses per stab wound. Will a monkey bleed out after two stab wounds? three?
Posted by: news ticker | July 11, 2009 1:50 PM
Seriously? You can hurt animals just by stabbing them? That's some groundbreaking news there.
this has to be satire.
Posted by: SB420 | July 11, 2009 5:22 PM
Just an FYI. The Onion is a website made ONLY for sarcasm.
Posted by: Jonathan | July 11, 2009 5:45 PM