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GrrlScientist is an evolutionary biologist, ornithologist, aviculturist, birder and freelance science and nature writer. A native of the Pacific Northwest, she relocated from Seattle to NYC with her parrots after earning a BS in Microbiology (emphasis in Virology) and PhD in Zoology (Ornithology) from the University of Washington. In NYC, she was the Chapman Postdoctoral Fellow at the American Museum of Natural History for two years, pursuing part of her "dream" research project by reconstructing a molecular phylogeny of the parrots of the South Pacific islands. GrrlScientist and her five parrots are currently relocating to Germany, where she will continue writing her blog while also writing a book and learning German. (Meanwhile, her parrots will continue to nibble on her extensive personal library.) If you appreciate GrrlScientist's writing, you can help pay her living expenses by hiring her to "blog" your conference, speak at your club or write articles for your publication (or by clicking on the Paypal button below). If you read an essay on this blog that you especially enjoyed, please nominate it for inclusion in OpenLab2009.

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YES, Introverts CAN Connect with Others

Topic Categories: Art • Behavior • Cultural Observation • Streaming videos
Posted on: August 22, 2009 3:23 PM, by "GrrlScientist"

I've struggled with being introverted all of my life. I am not exactly shy (although I tend to be in many circumstances), but I am reserved. Many people find this intimidating, and I have been told many many times that I need to change my personality so other people will like me. Of course, this advice made me feel more uncomfortable rather than less, since I was constantly trying to ascertain what other people's expectations were and then attempting to fit in while simultaneously feeling like a complete fraud. So I avoided social situations whenever possible, spending most of my life by myself (reading books, working on my writing, art or photography) or with animals, since these activities were less stressful than feeling so uncomfortable and so judged all the time. But the internet has been a godsend for me because it provides a space where I can connect with other people without having to indulge in so much of the surface pretense and small talk that is necessary for face-to-face interactions. One thing I learned from my internet friendships is that I can help people by sharing information (pictures, video, stories, etc.) that they seek, I learned that sharing is a great way to connect with others in a positive way. This sweet video slide show (below the jump) captures many of the things I've learned from the internet (and from waitressing!) that can help introverts connect and build their own personal society. Since many of you are either shy or reserved -- which I see as a milder shade of introversion -- I think you will also benefit from watching this video slide show. This slide show is comprised of just 17 slides -- all hand drawn -- and thus, it possesses a lovely poignancy and artistic sense that edited powerpoint slides lack.

The Shy Connector

View more documents from Sacha Chua.

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Comments

Wow. That is me for sure. People like me, Sacha, and you, I put in a category of people who are potentialy Asperger's Syndrome sufferers - a neurological condition associated with autism that, among other things, is characterized by serious social difficulties that are enough to significantly negatively affect one's life. Here is the definition from the DSM IV

People with AS often are also very depressed, very anxiety-ridden, feel isolated, alienated, angry, frustrated - all having to do with deep feelings of not fitting in, not belonging, not being accepted in "neurotypical" society.

Unfortunately, many - too many - of us are misdiagnosed with things like ADD, bipolar disorders, even schizophrenic tendencies - or go undiagnosed and just written off as socially deficient, shy, awkward, weird, eccentric, and so on. Depression, anxiety, and suicide rates are much higher in the AS community than the genpop.

Typical for us with AS are problems with work and careers (getting and keeping employment), family and romantic relationships. We are typically highly intelligent with highly developed visual-spacial skills (everything from music to photography to engineering to 3D graphics). We typically have strong, narrow interests to the exclusion of normal, day-to-day "minutia." We typically have a keen ability to focus deeply on our chosen subjects - part of what makes us very good at whatever it is we are good at.

You will notice that all of the language in the link above refers to children, not adults. There is embarrassingly little available in the form of medical or social services available for adults with AS. I was not diagnosed until age 42 - way too late to be able to take advantage of the vast majority of the services out there that are available for children.

Here are a couple of links for more information:
O.A.

Posted by: Jeff Knapp | August 22, 2009 6:25 PM

Unfortunately, many - too many - of us are misdiagnosed with things like ADD, ADSD, bipolar disorders, even schizophrenic tendencies - or go undiagnosed and just written off as socially deficient, shy, awkward, weird, eccentric, and so on. Depression, anxiety, and suicide rates are much higher in the AS community than the genpop.

Typical for us with AS are problems with work and careers (getting and keeping employment), family and romantic relationships. We are typically highly intelligent with highly developed visual-spacial skills (everything from music to photography to engineering to 3D graphics to many of the sciences). We typically have strong, narrow interests to the exclusion of normal, day-to-day "minutia" of life. We typically have a keen ability to focus deeply on our chosen subjects - part of what makes us very good at whatever it is we are good at.

Here are a couple of links for more information:
O.A.S.I.S.
GRASP

Grrl, I have no idea whether you have AS or not. Obviously, from what you have told us, your diagnosis is not AS but, boy, the more stuff I read from you and see your images and the like, the more I am convinced you should at least check it out.

Posted by: Jeff Knapp | August 22, 2009 6:37 PM

It occurs to me that one other group that might relate to this is deaf/hard-of-hearing (HoH) that do not use sign language (SL), but are not easily able to socialise in large(r) groups.

I should make clear that I'm not trying to draw attention to myself! I have looked into this a little, since it's something I've experienced and because I considered at one point moving to research in deafness-related issues.

I did something a little like what this slideshow recommends from trial and error as a Ph.D. student. A difference with this situation is that the person may not intrinsically be shy or socially withdrawn, but may find anything beyond a very small group rarely works well for them, e.g. they might be OK in smaller or quieter settings.

FWIW, I've seen a few of papers claiming links between rubella, deafness and autism and I'm a bit bothered by them, as my own instincts are that the associations would have to take into account the social isolating effects of those people who are HoH/deaf in a "hearing world" (as opposed to those who associated with SL-based communities) and what little I've read doesn't seem to take explicit steps to do this.

Posted by: DeafScientist | August 23, 2009 6:12 AM

I'm not shy at least not anymore. I can put on the social graces if necessary. But the thing is, most of the people I meet aren't worth my time.

A lot of it comes down to the boredom factor. I can make time with smalltalk or I can be reading a book, writing code, or doing something else more productive.

One of my best friends is a psychologist. He sees the world quite differently than I do but it's always interesting to talk to him about the state of the world. I often tell him he should run for office.

Posted by: Tony P | August 23, 2009 11:25 AM

Love it! You and I are on the same page: we're debunking the myths. I'm an INTJ and have found that too many introverts believe they are: shy, anti-social, aloof, not accomplished and even think that introvert is just a noun and label!

Nothing is further than the truth.

This is a wonderful slide show and I know it will make a difference for introverts and help extroverts understand us better.

Thanks again. I'll be sharing your link.

Patricia Weber
Debunking Introvert Myths! Bring Your Introvert Strengths to the Party

Posted by: Patricia Weber | August 23, 2009 4:06 PM

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