Respectful Insolence

Another variant on chiropractic

A while ago, I discussed the case of a chiropracter who has pioneered a technique of “touchless” chiropractic, manipulating patient’s spines without even touching them. Well, an Ohio chiropracter has gone one step further. He claims he can cure patients by going back in time:

COLUMBUS, Ohio – A chiropractor who claims he can treat anyone by reaching back in time to when an injury occurred has attracted the attention of state regulators.

The Ohio State Chiropractic Board, in a notice of hearing, has accused James Burda of Athens of being “unable to practice chiropractic according to acceptable and prevailing standards of care due to mental illness, specifically, Delusional Disorder, Grandiose Type.”

Burda denied that he is mentally ill. He said he possesses a skill he discovered by accident while driving six years ago.

“My foot hurt and, knowing anatomy, I went ahead and I told it to realign and my pain went away,” Burda said Thursday.

Burda calls his treatment “Bahlaqeem.”

“It is a made-up word and, to my knowledge, has no known meaning except for this intended purpose. It does, however, have a soothing vibrational influence and contains the very special number of nine letters,” Burda’s Web site says.

How could I have missed this one? And what’s with all the wackiness coming out of Ohio lately?

On his website, James Burda describes his service:

Bahlaqeem is a long distance healing service (not a product) to help increase the quality of your life that can be performed in the privacy of your home or other personal space. There is no need to come to my office.

No need to bother with the pesky business of coming to see him; just send him your money. Maybe next he’ll “cure” people over the Internet.

Burda also describes his treatment:

This is what happens when I get a request to be treated. As soon as I get a request for treatment, I think of you, the person to whom the correction is being directed, and then silently asks if you can be treated. This is a request for permission to perform a treatment and is done before all treatments are made. If I do not get a positive answer, I stop and nothing is done at that time. I may ask again and if I get the same response I do not attempt the adjustment. I will communicate this to you. If, however, after asking permission for treatment and a positive response is received, the manipulation is performed right away.

The diagnostic procedure involves asking questions either out loud or silently as to how different bones are misaligned, twisted, rotated or displaced. Once the diagnosis is completed, the correction is made either by telling the bone to shift to its proper position or by hand-directing it. The adjustment is performed while thinking about the area that needs to change. This is the gift which I have been given, my ability to tell the body to make changes.

The next important question you might ask is how can I tell if the answer to a question is positive or not (negative). This comes from a simple movement I can do over and over again, with subtle changes being monitored. This movement is similar to the use of a pendulum, dowsing rod or similar action.

What you sense may be different from other people. You may feel bones actually moving, tingling feelings throughout your body, increased soreness, decreased soreness, pain, aches and discomforts in other parts of your body not originally noticed. Different parts of your body may be compensating for the changes that are being made. You may also not feel anything happening during the manipulation, but may feel the results. Most of the time, changes are instantaneous and can often be felt. After the treatment session you may become sore throughout your body, which may last for a few hours to a day or two. Real soreness is most often the sign of healing and may exist after the treatment is performed.

Burda charges $60 a session for each session. Nice work if you can get it.

You know, this is one of those cases where I almost think that anyone stupid enough to fall for such a scam deserves to be separated from their cash, but then my pesky sense of right and wrong intrudes.

Comments

  1. #1 natural cynic
    April 12, 2006

    *sigh*

    Nothing new here. Radio preachers have beaten this guy by more than 50 years.

  2. #2 BronzeDog
    April 12, 2006

    I first read about this on a JREF forum thread. I invented a new kind of cough-laugh just reading the title.

  3. #3 Joe
    April 12, 2006

    How bad does a person have to be before a quack “licensing board” rates him/her as substandard? This guy must be wearing a bag over his head right now.

    JM

  4. #4 BigHeathenMike
    April 12, 2006

    …for his next trick, he will go back in time and kill Sarah Conner, thus making impossible the revolution that takes the power away from the machines…

  5. #5 shellity
    April 13, 2006

    That’s the best laugh I’ve had in ages.

  6. #6 Flea
    April 13, 2006

    Can this guy tell my body to grow bigger pecs and an ass like Eddie Murphy?

    Flea

  7. #7 frumious b
    April 13, 2006

    At least this guy won’t give anyone a stroke… not that that excuses him bilking people out of their money and making them less likely to see a real doctor.

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