Respectful Insolence

Tom Cruise has apparently told GQ magazine that he plans on eating Katie Holmes’ placenta after the birth of their child:

Hollywood actor and Scientologist Tom Cruise is planning to eat Katie Holmes’ placenta.

It is the latest in a series of strange revelations by the 43-year-old ‘Mission: Impossible’ star about the child he is expecting with fiancée Katie Holmes.

Cruise told GQ magazine: “I’m gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I’m gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there.”

I just hope either (1) that Cruise was indeed just joking; (2) that his followup statement that “maybe I won’t” was sincere; and (3) that, as a precaution, Katie Holmes is smart enough to make sure that the baby is in another room, in case Tom decides to indulge his munchies after all and gets a little carried away.

Yes, I am aware that some mammals eat the placenta after giving birth and that there are women out there who have even published recipes, but it’s the mother, not the male, who does this.

Comments

  1. #1 tacitus
    April 18, 2006

    Via DailyKos:

    “The National Enquirer has reported that Tom cruise and Katie Holmes were married eight months ago by a chaplain in the Church of Scientology. The groom wore a casual linen suit while the bride wore an expression of slowly-awakening terror.”
    —David Spade on The Showbiz Show

  2. #2 Katherine Sharpe
    April 18, 2006

    Reminds me of that one, over-the-top gross episode of PBS’s old ‘I, Claudius’ series where the emperor (Tiberius, maybe? The worst of the worst of them) decides that he’s a god and that the only sure-fire way to keep his unborn child from usurping his place in the heavens is to do like Cronos did in the myths…that’s probably not fair to Tom Cruise, but still: creepy!

  3. #3 BronzeDog
    April 18, 2006

    He’s just emulating Beldar Conehead. It’s in Dianetics. Seriously. Look it up. ;)

  4. #4 Mark Paris
    April 18, 2006

    I may be sick. Surely that’s not part of scientology; Cruise had to come up with that own his own. So his belief in scientology might just be a symptom.

  5. #5 Johnny Vector
    April 18, 2006

    My, how times have changed. Franken and Davis’ Placenta Helper sketch was cut from the first season of Saturday Night Live, presumably because it was too gross for late-night comedy TV. (It was aired in a later season.)

    Apparently the nation’s gross threshold is higher than it used to was.

  6. #6 Moof
    April 18, 2006

    “[...] as a precaution, Katie Holmes is smart enough to make sure that the baby is in another room, in case Tom decides to indulge his munchies after all and gets a little carried away.”

    *cringes as she tries to control a nauseous twinge*

    “Yes, I am aware that some mammals eat the placenta after giving birth and that there are women out there who have even published recipes, but it’s the mother, not the male, who does this.”

    *really fighting the gag reflex now … 0.o*

    “Apparently the nation’s gross threshold is higher than it used to was.”

    *cough* … don’t count on it, Dude …

  7. #7 hollywoodjaded
    April 18, 2006

    It would not be at all surprising if this concept (re: the placenta) were somewhere in ELRON’s writings — via Crowley, perhaps. ELRON worshipped (pun intended) Crowley and took many of Crowley’s ramblings very literally. Crowley did supposedly have some kind of ‘birthing thankskgiving ritual’. Also, there was another ritual of Crowley’s that ELRON and Jack Parsons took to such an extreme that supposedly even Crowley was *near* aghast.

    *making sign o’ the cross*

  8. #8 KeithB
    April 18, 2006

    Are they vegetarians?

    Here is the Straight Dope:
    http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_104.html

  9. #9 Roger Victoria
    April 18, 2006

    I used to dream of Tom Cruise coming out of the closet and falling in love with me. Now I wish I had a little poetry like some of my prohibitionist ancestors who used to say:

    ‘Lips that touch wine, shall never touch mine.’

    Can anybody think of a rhyme for placenta, surely lips that eat that will not be in my dreams any time soon. Unless maybe in a nightmare.

  10. #10 Volsen
    April 18, 2006

    It was Caligula who did the eating in “I, Claudius”

  11. #11 ana
    April 18, 2006

    On Primetime Live just the other night he said he was joking.

  12. #12 Brent McKee
    April 18, 2006

    I remember back in the early 1970s, David Carradine and his main squeeze at the time Barbara Hershey said they had planned to eat their baby “Free”‘s placenta but eventually buried it in the backyard and planted a tree on it to be nourished, by their love or some other garbage. They broke up and Free has changed his name to Tom.

  13. #13 Dianne
    April 18, 2006

    Lips that touch placenta I’ll never look in ta?

  14. #14 Tom Cruz
    April 18, 2006

    No, no, no. I said Polenta! Freakin’ Enquirer never quotes me correctly. She makes an awesome Polenta with marinara, OK?

    And While we’re on the subject, aren’t you the people who are always calling for double blind placenta controlled trials?

  15. #15 Dave S.
    April 18, 2006

    And……..she’s here! Baby Suri Cruise was born on this day. Dad (don’t know if its Krang or Kodos) is said to be pleased and hungry.

    In the irony department, Brooke Sheilds has also given birth today.

  16. #16 Greg P
    April 18, 2006

    Orac, I’m concerned. Do you really care about Tom Cruise? Or this “news” item?

  17. #17 David Harmon
    April 18, 2006

    “…the only sure-fire way to keep his unborn child from usurping his place in the heavens is to do like Cronos did in the myths.”

    Funny, that didn’t exactly *work* for Kronos, or Ouranous before him, nor for Zeus after him. But hey, who am I to argue with divine tradition? :-)

    As far as placenta-eating, humans are not supposed to be that desperate for nutrients.

  18. #18 BronzeDog
    April 19, 2006

    Watching Tom Cruise news is like watching a train wreck. I know I should look away, but I can’t. Hopefully, the news’ll shift away from his thetan levels and such, and he’ll fade into the background of boring sex scandals and felonies.

  19. #19 William The Coroner
    April 19, 2006

    When I was a resident, I processed many placentas. I liked them they were easy (1 slide of membranes, one slide of cord, check for 3 vessels, three slides of main placenta.

    While some undernourished mothers might be able to benefit, I don’t think Tom Cruise would from munching on placenta. This is getting too close to eating human tissue–wait a minute, it IS eating human tissue.

    I just gotta say, when you gross out a forensic pathologist, that’s pretty darn gross.

  20. #20 Dianne
    April 19, 2006

    “Can anybody think of a rhyme for placenta, surely lips that eat that will not be in my dreams any time soon”

    Lips that touch placental meat
    Never my c*nt/d*ck shall eat?

    (Ok, I’ll stop now before Orac is forced to make me his second ban on grounds of poor taste or ask where I got all the Vogon poetry.)

  21. #21 Kiwiwriter
    April 19, 2006

    I’m still wondering about how they wanted to do the birth in total silence. How was the doctor supposed to give orders to the nurses and tell Katie to push? With hand signals? Cue cards?

  22. #22 Katie
    April 19, 2006

    Gross, gross, GROSS!
    It takes a lot to gross me out, and this seems to do the trick!

  23. #24 hellocthulu
    April 21, 2006

    As Richard Dawkins pointed out in (I think) his essay “Dolly and the Cloth Heads” given that the placenta is genetically identical to the child, in what way is this not cannibalism.

  24. #25 Paige
    May 3, 2006

    Did Tom Cruise actually eat kATIE’S pLACENTA

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