A couple of days ago, I wrote about a megafestival of altie woo taking place in my favorite city. It just occurred to me right now: If I were in Chicago right at this very minute, I could be in Hulda Clark’s workshop (which is starting right now) learning how to cure all cancers and cure all diseases by zapping people’s parasites and telling them to get their amalgam fillings and any teeth with root canals removed.

I’m missing a chance right now to learn a new skill that would let me become the ultimate doctor! Why on earth am I still here on the East Coast?

Well, I guess there’s always Richmond in September, Austin in December, or Long Beach next March. Maybe I can learn how to put all my colleagues out of business in one of those places.


  1. #1 Joe
    June 12, 2006

    If all you want to know is how Hulda works her magic, I can help. I saw her on a PBS show with a totally credulous interviewer. Take a 9-volt battery with two leads, connect one lead to each wrist, and you’re done. You can leave yourself connected for a while; but, the cure is instantaneous. I saw it on TV, so it must be true.

    By the way, have you heard about Ann Coulter’s next book? It’s called “Whining!” The subject is terminal cancer.

  2. #2 Andrew Dodds
    June 12, 2006

    Just a warning on the above post:

    Don’t do that. If the wires break the skin on both hands you can easily stop your heart.

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