Just what every child needs!

Just what every kid wants! For children of extreme fundamentalists looking to be raptured, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Spider-Man, or Superman just won’t do! What would Jesus think when He returns? Harry Potter represents witchcraft, an abomination! Star Wars replaces God with The Force. Superheroes are too frivolous, and Superman is too obviously a Christ-figure.

So what’s the answer if you’re a concerned fundamentalist parent who wants to maximize the chance that her child will be one of the chosen when the Rapture comes?

Why, Armor of God PJ’s, of course!


Yes, according to the manufacturer:

The whole Armor of God Pajama set will help your children to depend on God to protect them from their fears, doubts, and uncertainties at night so their sleep can be restful and peaceful.

Here’s what the PJ set includes:

  • Pajama top with breastplate of righteousness and belt of truth hem.
  • Pajama pants with wings of peace to cover feet.
  • Helmet of salvation.
  • Shield of faith pillow.
  • Sword of the Spirit (New Testament).
  • Activity coloring book.

And what a bargain at only $49.95!

If that’s not enough, though, you can arm your child even more to be in the Army of God. For example, you can buy an Armor of God bear, complete with Shield of Faith, Breastplate of Righteousness, Sword of the Spirit, Belt of the Truth, and Helmet of Salvation. (OK, I do have to admit reluctantly that the stuffed bear is kind of cute, even with the Armor of God on it.) And for daylight hours, when the kids shouldn’t be wearing PJs, there’s the Armor of God Playset.

What’s with all this emphasis on “armies,” “armor,” and weapons among these toys? What happened to the religion of peace?

(Hat tip to Evangelical Right.)


  1. #1 decrepitoldfool
    September 9, 2006

    Christianity, like Islam, is a religion of peace. It says so in their press releases.

  2. #2 The Ridger
    September 9, 2006

    Well, despite the words of Jesus about dying by the sword if you live by it, dying by the sword has always been pretty popular – martyrdom and all – and that’s led to living by the sword. There are more hymns than you can shake a stick at glorifying the triumphant army of god (“onward christian soldiers” ring any bells?). I like the “helmet of salvation” girly-style… that veil won’t keep her brains safe and doesn’t look all that bed-safe. (of course, the boy’s one doesn’t look all that comfy for sleeping, either.)

  3. #3 Stuart Coleman
    September 9, 2006

    Ah, nothing like good old days of the Crusades. I, for one, loved the dark ages, and hope to return to them as soon as possible.

  4. #4 Roger
    September 9, 2006

    I’ve always tht the passage from Ephesians was about going forth to fight for God and not about being protected. Getting ready to be martyred is not the idea that I’d like to go to sleep on or have children hear as the last thing. I visualize the author of Ephesians sitting in prison, staring at the guards and then coming up with an image to encourage people to go out and speak of their faith, not as something to make people feel safe. But then what do I know I’m a liberal and so must be Goddless no matter how many times I attend church.

  5. #5 Anne
    September 9, 2006

    Sabine Baring-Gould would have loved these p.j.’s.

  6. #6 matthew
    September 9, 2006

    I don’t think that the “shield of faith” could be MORE appropriate…

  7. #7 Tara Mobley
    September 9, 2006

    Oh, good god. I didn’t think that those PJs could get any worse, and now I know they made a playset and a teddy bear too.

  8. #8 Kim
    September 10, 2006

    Um…speaking as a Christian….

    I don’t think Paul was thinking of literal items, but of arming oneself with the WORD of God.

    Not jammies.

    The bear is cute.

    And no, this isn’t something I would have bought for my kids and my grandkids won’t have them either, assumin’ I git some!

  9. #9 Kapitano
    September 10, 2006

    In Britain you can get shorts with Union Jack designs on the front and back. Some people think it’s very patriotic to wear the flag next to your skin, while others think it’s disrespectful to sit down on you country’s flag.

    Considering the things that children’s pyjamas go through – spilt food, rips and the results of illness – is it really a good idea to put religious symbols on them? I mean, does the Armour of God look good with chocolate fingermarks all over it?

    With a crucifix on your PJs, you can desecrate the holy cross just by wetting the bed.

  10. #10 Narc
    September 10, 2006

    Immediately on seeing the picture, I thought it was telling that the boy pj’s get a warrior-like helmet, but the girl pj’s get a veil. Enforcing gender roles, anyone?

    And then I looked at the boy’s helmet a bit closer, and it has a crest on it, similar to one’s I’ve always associated with the uniform of the Roman soldier. Want to grow up to be a good Christian? Dress like a Roman soldier! Something doesn’t seem quite right about that.

  11. #11 James
    September 11, 2006

    The Roman Empire was Christian for over a century and the Byzantines (who had similar gear) were Christian as well, so its not all that odd.

    Incidentally I always thought Superman was based on the myth of the Golem, not Christ.

  12. #12 MartinM
    September 11, 2006

    Surely I can’t be the only one who’s thinking of English football hooligans.

  13. #13 anonimouse
    September 12, 2006

    Bizarreness aside, I have to say those pj’s are swank.

  14. #14 Calli Arcale
    September 12, 2006

    Lovely. So your own little ones can look like complete dorks when they go to bed. :p

    It might be slightly less weird if these were Halloween costumes; they can easily be criticized for over-literalizing Paul’s poetic language, but the thing about Halloween costumes is that people expect you to look a little silly. But for everyday bedtime wear?

    The helmet versus the veil is definitely interesting. Do girls not merit a Helmet of Salvation? Of course, the idea of headgear for going to bed is pretty stupid anyway, IMHO.

  15. #15 James
    September 14, 2006

    One other thing, why is it when someone decides to rip off the heraldry of one of the crusader militant orders, they always pick the Knights Templar? I mean what’s wrong with the Knights Hospitallier or one of the Teutonic orders or something? The Order of the Dragon was pretty cool too (after all Dracula’s father belonged to the Order of the Dragon. Surely its not because all these fundies, despite their fondness for the Crusades, actually know nothing about them and get all their information from Hollywood? Inquiring minds want to know.

New comments have been temporarily disabled. Please check back soon.