Respectful Insolence

Your Friday Dose of Woo: Activate your DNA!

There are times when the struggle to keep cranking out Your Friday Dose of Woo every week starts to get to me. No, it’s not because I don’t enjoy putting together these little light-hearted but pointed analyses of some of the strangest woo that I’ve come across. Believe me, many times it’s the highlight of my blogging week. It’s just that, now that I’ve been doing this a while, no matter how hard I try to put something together the weekend before, so as to be ahead of the game, somehow I almost never quite manage to do it. Thus, all too frequently I end up writing away late Thursday night trying to write something, all the while thinking through a haze of caffeine and sugar: “Must do Friday woo,” with visions of pissed-off readers storming the offices of Seed Media looking for me if I don’t deliver. (OK, maybe I think too highly of myself and the value of my little weekly exercise.) Other times, I’m looking over my folder containing the URLs of potential YFDoW targets that I’ve collected for future use, and nothing quite gets me revved up. I know, I know, there’s always Reiki therapy, which I haven’t gotten to yet, and I will someday. It’s just that Reiki therapy and woo like it will always be there for me, and I will have some fun with it someday. I just don’t feel any urgency to take it on, just as I don’t feel much urgency to take on homeopathy again for a while. (And forget about colon cleansing for a while; I think I beat that one to death.) That’s what happened at the beginning of this week: A bit of woo confusion. Nothing was getting me fired up to do YFDoW.

And then, just as I was seriously thinking of just reposting something from the old blog, almost by accident, I discovered DNA activation. (I suppose if you can enhance your molecules, why not activate your DNA as well?) It’s such highly concentrated, unbelievably potent woo that I hardly need to say much about it (but will anyway). Just reading selected portions of it is probably more entertaining than my usual lame attempts at humor, although, as always, nothing stops my lame attempts at humor.

What, you may ask, is “DNA activation”? Let international spiritual teacher, Soul Wisdom Psyche Doctor, distant healing specialist, co-founder of the Higher School for Conscious Evolution, and author of the Great Master (not to mention DNA practitioner) Toby Alexander explain why you should activate your DNA:

Most people know that DNA is the ‘blueprint of life’ and is located in every cell of the body. In addition to each chromosome’s 2 strand double helix of DNA, there are an additional 10 etheric strands of DNA available to each human, which have been de-activated and dormant since the beginning of recorded history. Each additional strand possesses attributes that permit the individual to perform greater human accomplishments. Scientists acknowledge that we currently only use 3% of our current 2 strand DNA. Thus we live in a society where people are sick, unhappy, stressed out, create wars, have “difficulty experiencing love, and are totally disconnected with the universe. Most people have to meditate for many years just to have a so-called ‘mystical’ experience, that’s how disconnected we are now. Imagine activating 100% of your 2 strand DNA, PLUS 10 additional strands! You will go from using 10% of your brain to becoming a multi-dimensional being with psychic, telepathic, and manifestation abilities beyond anything you’ve ever dreamed of. Plus, you will stop the aging process and actually start to rejuvenate to look and feel YOUNGER. This is the Original Divine Blueprint, what man USED to be. It has been written that Jesus had 12 strands of DNA activated. There have been children born throughout the history of humanity to raise the frequency of the planet that have more than 2 strands of DNA active – they are known as Indigo children. These are the incredibly intelligent, loving, and amazing children that are being mistakenly diagnosed as having A.D.D. because they are too smart to pay attention in class. Your DNA is your blueprint of life and is what controls every single function inside each of your cells. If you change your DNA, you really will change your life.

Holy woo, Batman! Each chromosome has 10 more additional strands of DNA in the realm of ether, just waiting to be “activated”? And the reason Jesus was divine was because He had all 12 of his DNA strands activated? Who knew? I mean, really, who knew? How on earth would anyone be able to know anything about Jesus’ DNA, anyway, given that there is so little historical information about Him outside of the Gospels? It’s not as though we have bone fragments or pieces of hair to test. Oh, well, tell us more, O Toby:

In actuality, the Human Genome is arranged into 12 dimensionalized mathematical programs, each of which set the blueprint for one double-helix chemical strand. Each double-helix strand blueprint is composed of 12 base-magnetic “female” base codes and 12 base-electrical “male” acceleration codes.

When the human genome is functioning naturally, the 12 base codes and 12 acceleration codes that hold the mathematical program for each double-helix strand combine to form a set of 12 electromagnetic Vector codes(1 base code + 1 acceleration code = 1 Vector code).

The 12 Vector Codes of the human genome manifest as 12 nucleotide base chemicals that form the nucleotide base pairs for which the double-helix DNA strands are composed.

Due to an unnatural sonic control program in Earth’s grids, only 4 Vector Codes have been active in biological earth since 25,500 BC, making the chemical DNA of Earth life appear to be a “Base 4 Genetic Alphabet”.

I stand in utter awe of the purity of this powerful woo. I haven’t seen anything like it since I discussed quantum homeopathy, lo those many moons ago. In fact, speaking of quantum homeopathy, it’s not at all surprising that Toby uses a dubious invocation of quantum theory to explain some of his “distant healing” techniques.)

Here’s why you should activate your DNA:

The portions of the DNA chain that science has presently identified as the “Double Helix”, represent only the SURFACE portions of the chemical, elemental, and electrical components of the active DNA strands. Science has yet to identify the MULTIDIMENSIONAL spectra of DNA manifestation, and has yet to realize that within the structures of detectable DNA, there are levels of structure and function that direct the operations of the entire genetic blueprint, which are not currently detectable by the contemporary scientific method.

The human DNA imprint will always appear from external analysis, as a 2 strand Double Helix configuration. But what is not understood, is that within the Double Helix there are, and will be progressively more, additional Double Helix strands, which fuse together and add their operational coding into the active DNA imprint. As science evolves into comprehension of the mult-dimensional spectrum, the understanding of the tree structure and function of DNA will progressively advance.

But one does not have to wait for science to catch up with a rapidly evolving humanity in order to begin advancing the functions of their DNA. Through the processes of Kathara Healing, we are removing ancient blockages within the human anatomy that have been blocking natural DNA activation, and then we are restoring the Original Organic Imprint for Health, that is the birthright of our species. We are progressively reordering portions of the “junk DNA” and stimulating portions of the DNA into activation.

Of course you don’t have to wait for science. With these people, you never do. How did I know that, sooner or later, this particular flavor of woo would bring up “junk DNA”? “Junk DNA” may well be a misnomer, anyway. Just because 96% of the DNA in the human genome doesn’t code for protein products does not make it “junk.” It is more properly termed “noncoding DNA.” And just because we do not yet understand its purpose does not mean that it doesn’t do something and needs to be “reordered” or “activated.” One interesting aspect of noncoding DNA is why it persisted. If all that DNA were truly “junk” and nonfunctional, it would be energetically quite wasteful to replicate it and devote all the mechanisms in the cell for fixing DNA damage to maintaining its sequence. Evolution tends to punish wastefulness, which would imply that either (1) much of junk DNA has function but we just don’t understand it yet; (2) replicating it does not require enough energy to be strongly selected against; or (3) retrotransposons from human endogenous retroviruses add more “junk” DNA faster than evolutionary selection can eliminate it. What I can’t figure out is: Why mention junk DNA at all if supposedly we have 10 more strands of “etheric” DNA for each of our chromosomes, all just waiting to be activated? Is there “junk DNA” in the etheric strands as well? Inquiring minds want to know!

But what happened to “deactivate” human DNA, so that only two physical strands are left, and the “etheric” strands are no longer functional? As you would expect, Toby has an answer for you:

If you study the ancient history of humankind, you will see how the early humans were not “primitive” like certain historians and governments would have you believe. They were actually much more advanced than we are now. They communicated telepathically and were basically gods. So as you can imagine, it would be pretty hard for you to control a person like this. Imagine if everyone at your work was telepathic. Don’t you think that this would make your boss a bit uneasy? At one point in our history, some of the beings who called themselves “gods” could not maintain any secrets from their human “workforce”, so they first decided to do a genetic manipulation which created the split brain. This separated the analytical part of a person’s reasoning from their intuitive, emotional part and the problems associated from this can still be seen today. They then unplugged 10 of the 12 strands of DNA but left them there. Some of this is the chemical DNA that science calls “junk” DNA, the DNA that is just sitting there inside your cells, the other is the etheric DNA that exists in higher harmonics of frequency that you can’t see with the naked eye. Once the 10 etheric strands of DNA were unplugged, humans that would come after this would have a terrible time deciphering thought. So these beings that called themselves gods then introduced language. Language separated tribes and peoples. Think of how much easier life would be if there was only one universal language! And so, humans started having to have verbal commands to understand and perform certain tasks and this is still very apparent to this day. Look at how the militaries of the world accomplish this with “orders”. The next decision was to change the humans’ DNA structure to suppress psychic abilities and make the unconscious mind almost unavailable. So the 10 DNA strands were unravelled and implants were placed in the etheric bodies to keep the strands from re-fusing. The strands were also disconnected from the endocrine system in the physical body which stopped the creation of a chemical which activates the pituitary, pineal, and hypothalamus glands. Thus, these glands have since shrunken from non-use, and scientists can’t figure out what they are used for. This is why most people currently only use less than 10% of their brain. Only a few individuals retained the use of these glands in future generations – these individuals carried the special gene that makes them natural psychics, mystics, or shamans.

Ah, so that’s what explains paranormal abilites! I wonder how many strands of Uri Geller’s DNA are activated. Probably not twelve, like Jesus. After all, Jesus could do cool things like heal the sick, feed multitudes with only a few loaves and fishes, walk on water, and rise from the dead. All Uri Geller can do is bend some spoons “telepathically,” and he has to cheat to do it. I’d be surprised if he had more than one additional DNA strand activated. Whatever the case, though, it’s nice to know that all I have to do is to “activate my DNA,” and I too can have powers beyond imagining:

Imagine if you woke up one morning and realized that you had dormant superhuman abilities that were waiting to be unleashed.

That once you activated these abilities, you could manifest anything you desired in your life, live a life without drama, create your ideal physical body, become immune to all dis-ease, and REVERSE the aging process.

Imagine if you realized that you could actually change your blueprint of life, your DNA, to enable you to expand your creative potential, provide access to your subconscious mind, and become intuitive, clairvoyant, and know instantly what your purpose is in life.

Reverse the aging process? Now that I’m on the wrong side of 40, I could really get into that. Just don’t reverse it too far. My late 20′s would be OK. Going back to my teen years wouldn’t be; I was a real geek. But I digress. Fortunately (I think), there’s more:

DNA activation removes the energetic blockages to you embodying your Higher self, Oversoul consciousness, Avatar self, and Rishi – the part of you closest to Source or God. So consciousness expansion is one of the main benefits and after the sessions, you will be more aware of everything, especially what your purpose is and why you incarnated here at this point in “time”. You will start to become aware or see things that others cannot see – some of the hidden agendas going on and how to make decisions to help you and your family in the best way possible. Your dormant brain functions will start to become active, especially your pineal gland. This will help to start tapping into your 7 Higher Senses, and you will be able to use these on a daily basis with practice. Some of the physical benefits reported by clients include thicker hair growth, weight loss and stabilization of desired weight, increased energy, and rejuvenation of various muscles. You will start to see how your body is just a thoughtform as well, and you can change your body more easily with focus, so you won’t have to work out as much. Emotionally, you will go beyond your personal dramas, the aggravation of everyday life. Your body will undergo a detoxification, which will bring old emotional issues to the surface to be released forever, to no longer cause dis-ease and poison the body.

Oh, no. Not detoxification again! Why is it always “detoxification”? It doesn’t seem to matter if it’s a colon cleanse, chelation therapy, or even now trying to activate your DNA and thus bring your mind to some sort of higher consciousness. It still comes down to a core altie concept that somehow you are “poisoned” and need to be detoxified:

Spontaneous healings can occur at the time of activations. These usually have to do with acute physical and emotional disorders. After the activations, there is a purification process that begins to detoxify the physical, emotional, and mental bodies. There have been many patients who have cured themselves of cancer and other serious diseases after having the DNA activations.

Of course. But suppose that you–yes, you!–want to get your DNA activated. How do you go about doing it? Toby makes it easy, of course. In fact, you don’t even have to meet or speak with him, because he does it all via remote healing:

You and your DNA Practitioner, Toby Alexander, set your intent to receive this gift. There are specific pre-session instructions that must be done as well. The activations are all done remotely so it doesn’t matter where in the world you live. There is no instrumentation that comes close to the human brain – it has the ability to connect to, interpret and read any frequency or energy signature. At the scheduled session time after performing the pre-session instructions, Toby Alexander will connect to your energy field and at this point your brainwave frequency will entrain to his, which will be 4-7 cycles per second, or Theta. We can also be connected via Sightspeed internet video conference or other means if desired although this is not necessary (the energy does not flow through the internet or a phone line) and you do not need a phone to establish an energetic connection with someone. An energy directing technique will be done to open up the seals that block DNA activation, and then infuse your bio-energetic field with 12th dimensional energy. Toby will work with your Higher self and Oversoul to activate as many strands as is possible for you at this point in your evolution.

Now, I want you to guess how much a distant healing session with Toby will set you back. What do you think? $10? $50? Before you answer, consider that a full DNA activation requires four steps: Auric Cleansing, a Karmic Session, the first DNA activation, and finally a second DNA activation. As Toby puts it, it takes two DNA Activations to activate “as many strands of DNA that your energy body can handle at this point in your evolution.” (I don’t know; I bet I can handle more strands of my DNA being activated, but that’s just me.) Fortunately, for you, Toby charges the rock bottom, bargain basement price of only $100 per session.

How benevolent of him! Think of it, for a mere $400, you could have your DNA activated and achieve all the benefits and powers described above. What are you waiting for? Toby even includes a handy-dandy online scheduler to set up your very own distant healing session.

I bet you’re wondering, though: Why should I choose Toby Alexander? Why not choose another DNA activator to do your distant healing? After all, this place offers a free test drive of having 5,000 strands of your DNA activated, while this site offers to help you claim your divinity with DNA soundscapes and offers a free no-risk introductory trial offer. Meanwhile, Marlana will offer you a session for only $39! So why choose Toby?

Oh, ye of little faith! Let Toby explain:

I was guided to do this work because I am an Indigo Type 1, with a 48 strand template. That means I can draw and hold much more frequency than most people that only have a 12 strand template, and then transmit this to others. It’s called shaktipat if you understand yoga. It’s basically the ability to awaken people by energy transmission, a siddhi. My technique is also a lot more comprehensive than other practitioners. What I discovered is that if a person has a lot of energetic blockages (and most people do), a DNA Activation won’t be as effective. There are certain blockages that everyone has that prevent DNA from naturally activating the way that it used to. So you have to look at this as a process. I always require that someone considering this have an Auric Clearing and a Karmic Session FIRST. Once you are free from these blockages, THEN we can activate your DNA. Other practitioners ignore these blockages and then their clients who are unsatisfied with their results come to me and we have to start all over with the Auric Clearing. Another thing that I recognize that other practitioners aren’t aware of is that there is DNA for practically EVERYTHING, not just youth and anti-aging.

Isn’t all of that worth a little extra money? Heck, if you’re in the Sedona, AZ area, you could even attend one of Toby’s one day intensive session Reawakening the Inner Soul Mate on November 10 or The Angelic Human Experience on November 11!

Now, I bet you’re a bit skeptical. It all sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? And this technique is not without its detractors. Indeed, one particularly vociferous detractor labels it as “dangerous“:

Many different healing techniques are being promoted which will supposedly restore your DNA back to a twelve-stranded form, allowing you to attain full spiritual power, and thereby awakening all your dormant upper chakras.

I don’t claim to know for sure if such a thing is possible. Maybe it is.

But I DO know that forcing ANY process in your energy body, such as this DNA activation stuff, is dangerous…

Everybody I’ve know who has received these techniques or begun practicing them on others is possessed, to either a smaller or greater degree. They aren’t the people they used to be prior to embracing these practices. I can see the entities attached to them, and believe me, none of them have humanity’s best interests at heart. The people working with these energies convey a weird, manic, forceful energy that is very uncomfortable to be around. And some of them are downright dangerous with what they are doing. They need to come with a serious warning label.

Personally, the only “danger” I can see from DNA activation is a profound danger to your bank account if you pursue it seriously. A serious depletion of my bank account spent on woo like this might well result in my developing a “weird, manic, forceful energy” looking to get my money back. But Lipstick Mystic disagrees:

My honey was nearly KILLED by one such practitioner who was fooling around with his upper chakras and, unbeknownst to him, was trying to pull that hyper DNA activation bullshit without his permission.

Thank goodness I’d been taught enough advanced techniques by my angelic helpers at that point that I could counteract what was happening.

You have been warned.

But think about it: Aren’t total enlightenment, the reversal of aging, the boosting of the immune system, and the curing of disease worth a little risk?

Comments

  1. #1 coturnix
    November 3, 2006

    Holy Guacamole! This made me spit my Coke! Ah, the good old Golden Age when Men were Giants and Jeebus was detoxified! How about activating some oncogenes?

  2. #2 Nomen Nescio
    November 3, 2006

    It has been written that Jesus had 12 strands of DNA activated.

    yeah — written by the woo-meister con man, just now. i swear, reading these things is making me too cynical for my own good…

  3. #3 Blake Stacey
    November 3, 2006

    There is nothing in the world more helpless and depraved than a man in the depths of an etheric DNA binge. . . .

  4. #4 Ruth
    November 3, 2006

    Can you charge the $400 to the account I keep in the higher dimensions of ether? Holy Michelson-Morley! I like the tie-in to the Indigo children.

  5. #6 Alison
    November 3, 2006

    Orac, please promise me you will never, ever stop doing Your Friday Dose of Woo! OMG, I have not laughed so hard in days! Thank goodness there are people who can counteract the negative effects of this particular type of woo with better, stronger woo! Woo-woo!

  6. #7 DouglasG
    November 3, 2006

    This isn’t PZ’s page, but someone has to say it…

    If this wasn’t true, how come there are PYGMIES+DWARFS?

    Back to your regularly scheduled woo fisking…

  7. #8 Corkscrew
    November 3, 2006

    Imagine activating 100% of your 2 strand DNA, PLUS 10 additional strands! You will go from using 10% of your brain to becoming a multi-dimensional being with psychic, telepathic, and manifestation abilities beyond anything you’ve ever dreamed of.

    Wasn’t this part of the plot of Fifth Element?

  8. #9 JohnA
    November 3, 2006

    Orac, this is tremendous. Some seriously Yu-Gi-Oh level craziness…I especially loved the quote from the lady who could “counteract that was happening”. LOL! It’s like something from a video game to these people.

  9. #10 jfarm
    November 3, 2006

    This is so over the top I had to wonder if it is a hoax site. Especially after I clicked on the Buy Now button, and the captcha at the bottom of the form had the letters “UPUTZ” (Honest! I have a screen capture!) Sadly it is not repeatable, so I probably just used up some digital karmic coincidence that could have warned off a woo-ky.

  10. #11 Skeptyk
    November 3, 2006

    Jesus’ 12-strand is soooo last millennia. The new thing is 22 and 24-strands. If you google this woo, you find an ad for activating “up to 150000 strands” I feel so primitive with my little helices now.

    Ah, I am so glad you found this silliness for the FDOW. It is amazing, eh? I was pigeonholed last year at a family gathering by a guy who went through massage school recently. He went in wanting to do therapeutic massage, it seems, careful muscle mashing to help folks feel better, but he came out a total goofwoo, IMO. The DNA shite was the last straw.

    He was all over the place with woo, from telling me that two tablespoons of cider vinegar before you eat will cure GERD (not a real disease, just a creation of the drug companies, btw) to talking about his mentor so raptly it was like a love affair (guru crushes are kind of like preteen crushes so it is disturbing to see grown-ups with kids act that way).

    He may be good at massage, but it seems like he will do less and less of it, as he and some woo-buddies are opening a woo-parlor, um, I mean a holistic healing center.

    His best work is, he says, what he does at a distance. I gave up with the being polite and just listening, (for the sake of my host), when he told me he is going to change his grandma’s DNA to get rid of her Alzheimer’s. I had to excuse myself (hard to do, since he is one of those folks who follows you around with his earnest spiel).

    I tried to plant some seeds of doubt, but the guy is fertile ground only for woo-weeds, and was a classic presenter of the pseudoskepticism of true belivers. He fancies himself a critical thinker, boldly defying The Man (big pharma, allopathy, yada yada), but he is the worst kind of creduloid, buying every stupid idea if it is presented with the fairy glamour of woo. It is like wrapping yourself in a flag or proclaiming a religion; somehow you are, by virtue of your assumed virtue (person-of-faith, patriot, health-freedom-crusader, whatever) immune to criticism in a cocoon where simple questions are taken as criticism.

    BTW, he never asked about me or my family. My son was sitting a few feet away during most of this one-sided “conversation”. I was tempted to sic the kid on this guy. Could he have kept his nonsense up in the face of a transplant recipient (kidney, 16 years ago, yay for real medicine)?

    I had a fantasy of many folks in the room pulling up their shirts to show various surgical scars to this creepy guy. Off the top of my head, within a few feet of us were folks who had surgical cures: herniated fallopian tube, ovarian cyst, heart valve, compound fractures, skin cancer…and that was just a few of just surgery, and of those just the cures! Not to mention a half dozen vasectomies.

    Skeptyk

  11. #12 Bronze Dog
    November 3, 2006

    Orac, this is tremendous. Some seriously Yu-Gi-Oh level craziness…I especially loved the quote from the lady who could “counteract that was happening”. LOL! It’s like something from a video game to these people.

    Everyone gets to make up a “special ability” whenever they like. Either that, or there’s a LOT of micro text on those cards.

    (Former Magic:tG player: Cards are supposed to be simple. Unless you’re playing “Bureaucracy” from the Unglued joke expansion set.)

  12. #13 David Harmon
    November 3, 2006

    Oh man, I can’t stop laughing! This totally tops those Tourmaline shoe inserts, let alone the colonic brigade!

    I mean, when I originally saw your title, I immediately thought, “oh yeah, let’s just activate all those endogenous retroviruses, and rip out all those epigenetic constraints on gene expression. But hey, extradimensional possession combined with multiple psychic powers might even be *worse* than melting into an undifferentiated cancerous mass! :-) :-)

    “Each double-helix strand blueprint is composed of 12 base-magnetic “female” base codes and 12 base-electrical “male” acceleration codes.” … “electromagnetic Vector codes”, [hee hee] Don’t forget your androgynum-foil shielding!

    “An energy directing technique … the seals that block DNA activation, … infuse your bio-energetic field with 12th dimensional energy” [HAW HAW HAW!!] Somebody call Buckaroo Banzai!

    “Toby will work with your Higher self and Oversoul”, but don’t forget the “Auric Cleansing”, Toby doesn’t like to get his “Avatar Self” dirty, after all, he’s got a “48 Strand Template” so he can “hold more frequency than you”…. [giggle]

    “It’s called shaktipat if you understand yoga.” — Riiight! If you actually know what his buzzwords mean, I’m sure he’ll happily make up a couple new words just for you…. He’s obviously got a zillion of them handy!

    “They need to come with a serious warning label.” — Or at least a mocking one….

  13. #14 Joshua
    November 3, 2006

    Ow, my poor brain. =(

  14. #15 Skeptico
    November 3, 2006

    If all this stuff is “not currently detectable by the contemporary scientific method”, how did this goofball manage to figure it out?

  15. #16 Maggie Rosethorn
    November 3, 2006

    Orac, you did it again. I’m laughing hysterically at work and the people around me think I’ve lost it entirely. And I thought some of the quacks we deal with were bad enough….

  16. #17 Robert M.
    November 3, 2006

    I usually just lurk here, but… I spent the last ten minutes rendered speechless. “Vector codes”, “etheric strands”, and “hold more frequency”? The average high-school physics student could make up more plausible woo.

    Orac, I commend your constitution; it must take unimaginable fortitude to dig through the inexhaustible garderobe to find a gem like this.

  17. #18 Ahistoricality
    November 3, 2006

    OK, here’s the thing. If you believe that God created us with lots of powers and extradimensional DNA, etc., then took those powers away for good reasons, doesn’t it follow that trying to reactivate those strands would be a grave offense to God? And wouldn’t you worry that God could again act to deactivate (or worse) those abilities/strands/dimensions, etc.?

    We won’t even talk about the cognitive dissonance involved in Christians who oppose genetic manipulation of embryoes supporting genetic manipulation of adults for what are clearly satanic purposes…..

  18. #19 MJ Memphis
    November 3, 2006

    “Toby will work with your Higher self”

    And herein lies the key to the mystery… it all makes sense if your self is sufficiently high. I’m guessing long-term sniffing of industrial solvents is probably necessary to get *that* high.

  19. #20 Bey
    November 3, 2006

    I’m really confused: if the gods jealously deactivated 10 strands of our ether DNA, and we remove those blockages bringing us closer to the Source or God, won’t they/he just unplug us again once we got there? And maybe give us a little beatdown just for being all uppity and stuff?

    And if Jesus was such a good guy, why wouldn’t he share his 12-strand secrets with us 2000 years ago? Does this mean Toby is NICER THAN JESUS???!!!! (at least nicer to people with $400 anyway)

    And if the fully activated people like Toby can change their physical manifestations, you’d think he’d be better looking and have more hair. Just sayin’.

    Could someone please help me out with these questions? I’m sure if I were fully activated, I’d know the answers already but I don’t have $400 right now.

  20. #21 sophia8
    November 3, 2006

    Hey, if Toby has had all his DNA activated, then he must have all these cool superhuman powers that his website talks about.
    So how come he needs to ask for money? People with superpowers don’t need money! And why do he and his students need to write to each other, when they are supposed to be telepathic?
    And, since he’s clairvoyant, won’t he know when to beam this DNA activation stuff into people without them having to schedule an appointment with him via his website?
    And wouldn’t he know how to build a decent website, anyway?

  21. #22 Lynn Fancher
    November 3, 2006

    Bey said: And if Jesus was such a good guy, why wouldn’t he share his 12-strand secrets with us 2000 years ago? Does this mean Toby is NICER THAN JESUS???!!!! (at least nicer to people with $400 anyway)
    ***
    Not only is he *nicer* than Jesus, he’s more supercharged. He has a *48 strand template* compared to JC’s measly little 12 strands.

    I’m sure I would have been completely convinced by his amazing presentation (please note sarcasm ;^) if he hadn’t trotted out that wretched “10% of the brain” tripe. *Nobody* can be credible, no matter what he or she is claiming, if they show that canard.

    Lynn

  22. #23 Ken
    November 3, 2006

    The Little Black Duck needs a “hyperwoo” category – this has to be rated more than 10 Canards.

  23. #24 Mongrel
    November 3, 2006

    My honey was nearly KILLED by one such practitioner who was fooling around with his upper chakras and, unbeknownst to him, was trying to pull that hyper DNA activation bullshit without his permission.

    It may just be the beer talking, but does this sound like one gigantic euphemism to anyone else?

  24. #25 kehrsam
    November 3, 2006

    (And forget about colon cleansing for a while; I think I beat that one to death.)

    As good as the new woo is, I can’t get the idea of Death By Colonic Cleansing out of my mind. And I thank you for that.

  25. #26 akibare
    November 3, 2006

    My brain, it hurts.

    I’ve been reading Your Friday Dose of Woo ever since stumbling upon it purely by accident the first week. I’m only partly through this one (such powerful woo that it is!) but I HAVE to ask.

    Where do these people come UP with this stuff? If science can’t see these magical strands of woo, where did this genius find out about them from? All these books, the Suzanne Somers and all of it, they just say “this is how it is” but never where.

    Now, I’m not any sort of medical person. But I have been slightly interested in DNA, and so I bought a simple book about molecular biology aimed at ordinary readers, complete with little pictures, and tiny cartoons about the drama of enzymes, DNA copying process, cell respiration and that sort of thing. You know what? It has, like, citations in it leading to other books, and explanations relying on boring old chemistry, the kind we learned the basics of in highschool. If you don’t like the book, any other text will agree with it.

    It has plenty of pictures of chromosomes too, and I’ve seen (in some magazines) pictures of molecules and what not. In such an age, I am amazed at people saying “there are mystical strands and you can’t see ‘em but *I* know, they’re there. And they just happen to make ME gifted.”

    Feh.

  26. #27 akibare
    November 3, 2006

    But I do want to say, thank you for the woo. It is definitely entertaining!

  27. #28 Cayte
    November 3, 2006

    I can see it coming. QUANTUM DNA activation.

  28. #29 Blaine
    November 3, 2006

    Great Oogly-Moogly.

    Head bursting…..cant stop…..must run….away…..

    Not really, but really, I think a disclaimer is warranted when the woo goes multi-dimensional…..

  29. #30 khan
    November 3, 2006

    Did he leave out anything?

    NWLB
    No Woo Left Behind

  30. #31 Alison
    November 4, 2006

    Last night, the hubby and I were contemplating what might happen to a person who inadvertently got trapped in the middle of one of these long-distance DNA enhancements? Would you need personal angels to save you, or would you be happy with the evil superpowers it granted you? Evil superpowers could be cool.

  31. #32 The Loony Bassoony
    November 7, 2006

    This is, without a doubt, the funniest woo I have ever read. It is stupendously unbelievable. I’m laughing so hard that I can’t even focus enough to feel very bad about the few poor saps who evidently must fall for this.

    Then again, I’ve lately been realizing that woo is more appealing to the masses than I’d ever realized. I work with highly educated folks of a generally skeptical bent, and some of them are sufficiently uneducated in science that they might not be able to detect woo reliably. (Although I’m pretty sure they’d laugh at this one.)

  32. #33 DANIEL PADILLA
    November 29, 2006

    DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOURT DR. DONALD SCHNELL?
    HE WROTE A BOOK CALLED THE INITIATION.
    AND HOWA BOUT AZZURITE PRESS? AND THE TRUE DNA SUPPOSED ACTIVATOR MASTERS THAT ARE THE ONES TRAINING OTHERS.

    P.D I HAVE BEEN RECEIVING EMAILS FROM YOUR SITE FORAWRDED BY, WHO KNOWS? WITH ALL THESE INFORMATION THAT YOU POST.
    PLEASE ASK NOT TO FORAWRD THIS AS THIS IS A LAWYERS OFFICE WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS TYPE IOF FUN YOU ARE HAVING INVESTING YOUR TIME IN ALL THIS STUFF.

  33. #34 Rienk
    December 2, 2006

    In response to the previous post: “I WRITE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I FEEL THAT MY MENTAL CAPACITY IS INADEQUATE”

    But seriously, as a molecular biologist I can only say, wow! Do people really believe it? Oh, and the 4 vector codes being actually 12 — and I guess he mixes up vector with nucleotide: at least vectors exist out of nucleotides so 1 point for trying — man, that would be pretty awesome! We no longer need codon triplets, we could just do with double pairs instead! Wow! I just wonder about how the tRNAs are going to handle this. And those ethereal strands, do they have their own ethereal polymerases, ligases, helicases, et cetera? I hope so because I do not find a ethereal-DNA binding site on my own natural polymerase.

  34. #35 Electra.fire
    January 26, 2007

    I am so happy to have found this site, a friend of mine has been going on about “Kathara healings” to me, he is completely hooked.
    I looked it up on the internet and it seemed like the new age “scientologists” to me. With balony science and high fees.
    I had such a good laugh at your blog,

    I can’t beleive what depths some humans will go to to make a buck.
    How did these “Kathara” people find these “Ancient” “Non channelled” transcripts of knowledge?
    Do they have a secret ancient artifact left by aliens perhaps?
    I’m sure if someone found something like that it would be in a museum or perhaps the queen of englands personal library!

    True teachers of divine truth do not charge money, they live in loving service to others. They do not claim to be better or higher then you, they are normal and humble.

    People like this give a bad name to real spiritual teachings based in service to others, truth and self empowerment.
    Just using fear to manipulate.
    It’s like Sai Baba, complete conman.

    By the way, my friend has cancer and is desperate for a cure, you can see who they pray on.

    I hope they remember to do their “Karma cleanse”, they need it…..

    thankyou so much for the laugh Electra x x x