Respectful Insolence

They sold their souls for rock and roll

It’s been a long time since I saw something like this. I remember back in the 1980′s, I saw an utterly hysterically funny series on a religious cable outlet about the evils of rock ‘n’ roll, complete with dire warnings about how rock ‘n’ roll was a one-way ticket straight to hell. Well, it turns out that they’re still making such amusingly over-the-top videos. Some of the targets haven’t changed, many have. These are parts 1 and 2 of a four part series. Part I reveals Satan’s true conspiracy that is rock ‘n’ roll, particularly the evil of George Harrison’s My Sweet Lord. So, check out Part 1 of CrossTV’s They Sold Their Souls for Rock ‘n’ Roll (with apologies to Black Sabbath):

As I said, it’s all a one-way ticket straight to hell, obviously a plot of Satan himself. But wait! There’s more! The second segment is even “better” than the first.

Part II tells of the roots of rock ‘n’ roll to the present. Did you know that Robert Johnson was possessed by the devil? Of course you didn’t! The devil made sure of it! What about Bill Haley and the Comets? Elvis? All possessed! Don’t believe me? Later, it trots out the usual suspects, such as Black Sabbath, Alice Cooper (one of my favorites), Madonna, Metallica, Marilyn Manson (of course!), along with some surprising other “possessed” rock ‘n’ rollers, like Ricky Martin, Meat Loaf the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync (I had always suspected that boy bands were the tools of Satan–now I have confirmation!), and Joni Mitchell, of all people (I kid you not). It’s also revealed just how many rappers are into Satanism. (I had no idea!) Beware the last five or six minutes, though. After 50 minutes or so of amusing fundamentalist loopiness, the show veers suddenly into some seriously intentional gross-out anti-abortion footage, complete with just what you think it would have, plus the usual “abortion = the Holocaust” rhetoric. It kind of ruins the buzz from rest of the video, if you ask me.

You’ve been warned.

Comments

  1. #1 qetzal
    April 14, 2007

    Did you know that Robert Johnson was possessed by the devil? Of course you didn’t! The devil made sure of it!

    Yeah, ’cause none of us have heard the story about Johnson selling his soul at the crossroads.

    Maybe the devil tried to keep it secret, but there must be some leaks on his staff.
    ;-)

  2. #2 Mustafa Mond, FCD
    April 14, 2007

    That verse from Timothy they read at the beginning; I thought it was about TV preachers like Jimmy Swaggart, Jimmy Bakker, and Ted Haggerd.

  3. #3 Blake Stacey
    April 14, 2007

    It’s like Perversion for Profit for the twenty-first century!

  4. #4 Ex-drone
    April 14, 2007

    So is Christian rock evil or just bad?

  5. #5 Ex-drone
    April 14, 2007

    If the Backstreet Boys, NSync and Spice Girls are the result of a Faustian deal, then Satan is getting lazy. Nevertheless, if all the truly great rock and blues artists are in hell and heaven is full of fundies, then I fail to see the point of being saved.

  6. #6 Stuart Coleman
    April 14, 2007

    There’s nothing about the evils of dancing? I’m surprised they have moved past that one lovely bit of rhetoric.

  7. #7 Wes
    April 14, 2007

    Whoever directed and produced that movie should be smacked. Regardless of the ridiculous content, it’s just a very poorly made movie. Constantly rehashing little bits of footage, long boring scenes of the host just standing there and pontificating, cheesy graphics, cheesier music, mind-numbingly dragging out every point and every scene as long as possible–God, it’s unwatchable. I was only able to get through a few minutes before I had to turn it off from sheer boredom.

  8. #8 Tyler DiPietro
    April 14, 2007

    There’s a serious overtone of repression in those videos. It seems like little more than an excuse for Christians to see sordid sexual imagery. Me? If I need some good porn, I know how to get it for free and without the religious garbage attached.

  9. #9 Colugo
    April 14, 2007

    Christian metal is one of my guilty pleasures. Mortification, Zao, Demon Hunter – they could be singing about Jesus or Cthulhu, I don’t care.

  10. #10 sparc
    April 14, 2007

    As the RAMONES put it:
    All good cretins go to heaven

  11. #11 Patti
    April 14, 2007

    For a really good (and funny) look at this, read drummer Neil Peart’s reply to a Texas newspaper that carried this kind of nonsense some years ago…

    [url="http://www.2112.net/powerwindows/transcripts/peartsatanism.htm"]here[/url]

  12. #12 Lucas McCarty
    April 14, 2007

    Don’t they also glorify the slow torturing to death of the Son of Man? And if it’s hypocritical to say that something can be a solution to a problem but not the cause, where do you draw the line? Wouldn’t Christian teaching itself have to be the cause of the problems it can also solve?

  13. #13 Graculus
    April 14, 2007

    So is Christian rock evil or just bad?
    Posted by: Ex-drone

    Judging by the sound coming from the funangelical church across the road from me on Sundays, it isn’t an either/or proposition.

  14. #14 Jason M
    April 14, 2007

    The best “Evil music” bit I ever saw came from a Bob Larson(?) book, in which he explained that Queen was a satanic band… and AC/DC was overtly bisexual. I just about died from the laughter.

  15. #15 Ms. Buckyball
    April 15, 2007

    Based on what I had read, George Harrison was not a Christian. After the Beatles’ “Help” days, Harrison became interest on Hinduism. Most of his composition were influenced and inspired by Indian culture.

  16. #16 Maronan
    April 15, 2007

    Within the first 10 minutes of that video, they explain that you must worship ONLY God. They explain that Jesus was tempted by Satan, and gave Satan the only correct answer: “You must worship ONLY God.”

    I presume that the makers and preachers of that movie worship Jesus. O_O

  17. #17 madjon
    April 15, 2007

    All together now: A-one, two, three, four

    “Onward, Christian soldiers,
    marching as to war…”

    Hold it! Er, can we have a bit more bass? OK, once more with feeling.

  18. #18 Blake Stacey
    April 15, 2007

    I’m with Wes on this one. . . after a few minutes of mild amusement, the repetitive graphics got to me, and I switched over to Bill Hicks to clear my head.

  19. #19 khan
    April 15, 2007

    Pat Robertson says AC/DC stands for “Anti-Christ Devil’s Children”

  20. #20 John Marley
    April 15, 2007

    I have relatives who firmly believe this stuff.

    On a related note, when I was 13 or 14 my grandmother gave me, in all seriousness, a copy of “Dark Dungeons” by Jack Chick. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen.

  21. #21 Cathy in Seattle
    April 16, 2007

    The movie’s script is repetitive and monotonous, but hey, the sound track’s pretty good!

    Sad to see Grant Goodeve shilling for them. I should’ve guessed, though.

  22. #22 E
    April 16, 2007

    I wonder whether they understand the law of unintended consequences.

    Backing the initial part with “Rock and Roll” by Zeppelin seems tailor-made to cause a portion of their audience to say, “Hey! That sounds like a good song!”

    Right up there with the explicit lyrics “seal of approval” that Tipper got put on albums back in the 1980s.

  23. #23 E
    April 16, 2007

    I wonder whether they understand the law of unintended consequences.

    Backing the initial part with “Rock and Roll” by Zeppelin seems tailor-made to cause a portion of their audience to say, “Hey! That sounds like a good song!”

    Right up there with the explicit lyrics “seal of approval” that Tipper got put on albums back in the 1980s.

  24. #24 stogoe
    April 17, 2007

    Back in my youth a favorite tale of woe was an urban legend about Marilyn Manson. Apparently, some other kids in his Christian Youth Group were serial asshats towards him, “and thus he became a satanick rockandroller…”

    Funny, no one in my youth group ever learned the lesson fom that scarytaleofevil.

  25. #25 Allison
    April 17, 2007

    I can’t even bring myself to watch these videos, for much the same reason I still haven’t watched “Jesus Camp” — I’ll get angry for my lost (and sadly *not* misspent) youth.

    During the summer after my freshman year in high school (let’s see — that would have been 1986), I decided during youth camp that I simply *wouldn’t* backslide again this time, and thus began a three year musical dark spot in my life. I listened to CCM (Contemporary xian music, for the uninitiated) only, and eschewed “evil” secular radio.

    What.Ever. I spent college making up for lost time and learning all that I’d missed.

    I want my teenage years back.

  26. #26 Jon H
    April 18, 2007

    So why didn’t the Devil skip Elvis and Robert Johnson and just go straight for GWAR?

  27. #27 John
    April 18, 2007

    So basically having fun or being happy is a sin. I’m guess that living heaven must include a solid ritual of praying followed by reading the bible for all eternity in a dark church.

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