Respectful Insolence

Paris, please go away

This article in Salon.com sums up my feelings about the whole Paris Hilton fiasco almost perfectly:

Even after years of watching Hilton direct the media like her own obedient little phalanx of winged monkeys, it would take a coldhearted cynic to doubt that Hilton was experiencing real pain and anguish upon returning to prison. At the very least, we were witnessing a coddled child having a severe allergic reaction to the real world. Hilton could certainly be losing her doughnuts in a medically authentic way, since by all appearances, she’s never been punished, never been forced to eat anything she doesn’t like, never had to sleep anywhere uncomfortable or wear anything unflattering. While the rest of us are more than passingly familiar with deprivations and things not going our way, Hilton could actually blow a fuse from what would look, to an outsider, like a mildly unpleasant experience. That pea under a stack of mattresses might not bruise you. But you don’t sleep on 5 million-thread-count sheets, now, do you?

And when you consider the fact that she’s protected by relatives who talk openly to the press about throwing a party to celebrate their insipid child being released from prison early after having driven drunk? It makes simple sense to assume that not only is she unapologetic for her crime, she’s absolutely indignant about her punishment. The Associated Press reported that “as Ms. Hilton was led away to await her trip back to jail, she turned to her parents and said, ‘It’s not right!’” You almost have to feel empathy for the girl, dragged off to endure flavorless food and sleepless nights on scratchy sheets, all the while fancying herself a pretty blond Mumia Abu-Jamal.

Let’s just pray that those bad prison sheets scratch her tender white ass enough to get her out of our faces for good. Because we certainly didn’t ask for this, either. No matter how the talking heads and pundits have tried to convince us that Paris is a reflection of our shallowness and stupidity as a culture, most of us have never wanted her to be a symbol of anything. Is the crotch flash an act of subversion, in which Hilton channels the paparazzi to put her image on every cover, from tabloids to respected newspapers alike? Is Hilton, like her understudies Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, just a frightened child, overwhelmed and intoxicated by all of the attention the media gives her?

Alas, the writers’ pleas for Paris to “show mercy on us all, and go away” will almost certainly go unanswered. After she gets out, whether it’s due to an appeal or after serving the entire remaining 18 days or so of her sentence, she’ll be everywhere in the media whining about the horrible, horrible injustice of it all.

Comments

  1. #1 Janne
    June 10, 2007

    Doesn’t US have mandatory minimum sentencing laws for a lot of crimes? Here’s hoping she commits one of those.

  2. #2 Mike Saelim
    June 10, 2007

    I’m assuming that when the writer compares her anguish to a “severe allergic reaction,” he/she doesn’t know about anaphylactic shock.

  3. #3 sailor
    June 10, 2007

    “Let’s just pray that those bad prison sheets scratch her tender white ass enough to get her out of our faces for good. Because we certainly didn’t ask for this, either.”
    This commentator is wrong – the public did ask for it – they buy the media that publishes this junk, and the media push it for one reason only – it sells. So we asked for it. Orac by posting on this subject is entering the fray and encouraging the whole process. It is a free country it is not that hard to ignore everything Paris Hilton. If it was not for a couple of blogs including Oracs I would not even know who she is (come to that I don’t except she is spoilt, rich, a dagerou driver, in jail, and apparently famous).

  4. #4 wolfwalker
    June 10, 2007

    After she gets out, whether it’s due to an appeal or after serving the entire remaining 18 days or so of her sentence, she’ll be everywhere in the media whining about the horrible, horrible injustice of it all.

    That’s assuming she’s in a fit condition to be seen in public. All sarcasm/cynicism/cruelty-to-celebs aside, that girl clearly has real problems, and a genuine breakdown of some kind is a distinct possibility. Imagine the feeding-frenzy we’d see over that turn of events.

  5. #5 PMembrane
    June 10, 2007

    Alas, the writers’ pleas for Paris to “show mercy on us all, and go away” will almost certainly go unanswered.

    “Go away” to where? Just how does one retire from being the irrational fixation of the tabloid media?

  6. #6 Justin Moretti
    June 10, 2007

    I want her to undergo a radical change of personality and start a Lesbian Emo Creationist chapter of the Hell’s Angels.

  7. #7 anonimouse
    June 10, 2007

    Far be it for me to play the bad guy, but diatribes like the Salon article are really just tilting at windmills. If people really believe that the media will put the genie back in the bottle and stop covering pseudo-celebrities like Paris Hilton or the late Anna Nicole Smith, they’re begging.

  8. #8 Doug Alder
    June 10, 2007

    A good comment in video

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k66epna2Sss

    enjoy ;)

  9. #9 James
    June 11, 2007

    anonimouse: What’s wrong with begging? Sometimes its worth putting your opinion out there, even if you’re sure you won’t get what you want.

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