The role of the crotch in rock history

I can’t argue with this:

An embodiment of the mystery, danger and freedom of the music itself, the crotch has occupied a central role in a stirring rock performance.

Of course, the crotch today remains a valuable weapon in the rock arsenal, as exemplified by the current wave of tight pants bands rehashing the Kinks/The Who sound of the 60s and 70s. More and more women are also mobilizing their crotches as well for the good of the rock. Take Peaches, for example. In recent years, the famed Electroclash chanteuse has turned her crotch into something of a cottage industry for photos, song lyrics and album covers.

Truly, the Chosen Crotch must indeed be Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin. None have come close since the 1970’s, although some have tried.

However, I have to admit that I hope the author of the above fulfills the promise to discuss the “worst crotches in rock history.”

OK, I know. Enough frivolity. I’ll get back to the usual topics of this blog in the morning.


  1. #1 llewelly
    June 25, 2007

    What about the King? You know, P^HElvis?

  2. #2 notmercury
    June 25, 2007

    Freddie Mercury’s spandex pants have a rather, erm, feminine pattern over the crotch region. Think I’ll leave it at that.

    Glad to see Diamond Dave made the list but I didn’t realize some of the other members were so prominent. Guess I should be happy that I never noticed before now. Thanks.

    “Next Week: The Worst Crotches in Rock History with Dave Matthews, Hootie and Art Garfunkel”

    I have it on good authority that Hootie was known to use a small prosthetic hootie.

    Didn’t Art Garfunkle display his lack of talent in Carnal Knowledge?

  3. #3 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    June 25, 2007

    Don’t forget Blackie lawless briefly of New York Dolls and later W.A.S.P. fame.

    I believe he used to have a steel plated cod piece that he’d run a metal grinder over on stage creating quite the spark show.

  4. #4 dikkii
    June 25, 2007

    Oh for goodness sake – Larry Blackmon of Cameo, the only man in funk to wear a fluorescent green codpiece.

  5. #5 KeithB
    June 25, 2007

    The most obvious example, of course, was the “Sticky Finger’s” album.

    While CD’s and online sales are cool, I doubt that anyone will be buying a real zipper anymore anytime soon.

  6. #6 Skeptyk
    June 25, 2007

    Betty Davis!

    The woman who married Miles, slept with Hendrix, wrote great tunes for the Commodores and others, and was an awesome singer and a terrific songwriter.

    And stunning to watch. Think Janis Joplin/Ma Rainey/Sly Stone all rolled into one 6 foot tall bionic supermodel with hair out to there, who lent Sly and Jimi her fashion sense. I think Prince sprang from her thigh. She was a huge inspiration on Miles and perhaps neither jazz nor funk would have been the same without her, yet she is remembered by few.

    She was too hot, too sexual, for the radio (many stations boycotted her, and IIRC, the NAACP dissed her for one song about prowling bars looking to “get picked up”) She sang songs with the power of underground funk and the sensibility of 20’s copulating blues. Clever lyrics, open sexuality, indescribable vocals…she was about three decades ahead of her time.

    Look at those album covers. That is powerful crotch advertising. And it is all her ideas.

    BTW, Miles Davis was going to call the landmark fusion album Witches’ Brew but Betty convinced him to call it Bitches Brew, and thus is jazz history made.

  7. #7 symball
    June 26, 2007

    RE: blackie lawless: He also had an ‘exploding’ codpiece with a pyrotechnic indide-set to go off at the climax of a guitar solo. The firework was put in the wrong way round once and nearly added an octave or two to his voice!

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