Respectful Insolence

Oh, you nasty Wookiee!

I’m disappointed to find out that Chewbacca is a bad, bad Wookiee:

(CBS) HOLLYWOOD, Calif. A Chewbacca impersonator is accused of sexually assaulting a Marilyn Monroe impersonator in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood in June. The wookie then reportedly evaded arrest, police said.

According to an officer with the LAPD, Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress’s hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists.

Chewie, how could you?

Comments

  1. #1 notmercury
    July 15, 2007

    “Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress’s hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists.”

    The way this is worded conjures an image of her continuing to (singlehandedly) work for tips.

    Ah well, sometimes a Wookie needs a little more than Hands Solo.

  2. #2 Interverbal
    July 15, 2007

    “Ah well, sometimes a Wookie needs a little more than Hands Solo.”

    Damnit NM, you win the internet!

  3. #3 Orac
    July 15, 2007

    Ah well, sometimes a Wookie needs a little more than Hands Solo.

    Damn! I wish I’d thought of that one….

  4. #4 jotetamu
    July 15, 2007

    Right, I’m missing the point of a humorous post here, but it reminds me of a case a couple of years ago, when a guy in a Mickey Mouse costume was accused of sexually assaulting a pubescent girl by taking pleasure in touching her breast while being photographed. He objected that a) with the big head, especially nose, he couldn’t see what he was doing and b) through the thick gloves, he couldn’t feel anything. I don’t in fact know how it turned out, but I expect a prurient US judge and jury would give him 30 years in the slammer.

    So in this situation, I’d run away too. Of course, as I know from Perry Mason, in California flight is evidence of guilt: as used to be said “Of course he’s Kong, he’s running, isn’t he!”.

    Jim Roberts

  5. #5 jotetamu
    July 15, 2007

    For the running away, you have to have followed the link.

  6. #6 Luna_the_cat
    July 15, 2007

    Oh, come on, Orac — this was a Chewbacca impersonator. Of course rogues and criminals want to hide behind a respectable personality, but you can’t blame the respectable personality for that.

    I’ve met Chewbacca, and he is a really sweet guy.

  7. #7 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    July 15, 2007

    I wonder if he’ll use the chewbacca defense?

  8. #8 kemibe
    July 15, 2007

    This is funny because I just finished a Joseph Wambaugh novel, Hollywood Station, that incuded numberous descriptions of just this kind of thing happening outside the Kodak. Apparently, a lot of the costumed characters that hang out there are panhandlers who sometimes assault tourists for taking their pictures without forking over a few bucks.

    Monroe was among the characters mentioned, as was Elvis and Mickey.

  9. #9 Kashyyyk Chamber of Commerce
    July 16, 2007

    We feel the need to point out that it should be spelled Wookiee, with 2 e’s.

    Wookiee.org

  10. #10 Uncle Dave
    July 16, 2007

    Frankly he’s an illegal alien. Likely no work visa either (hasn’t done a film in quite awhile). Third, he’s a creature that wore no clothing other than that ammo belt or whatever that is. Heck, he never even wore speedo’s. He’s llegal, at least 7 feet tall and naked and he’s hanging around outside the Kodak theater. He had to assault Marilyn Monroe to get arrested?

  11. #11 Bartholomew Cubbins
    July 16, 2007

    Surprised about this? You’ve obviously never seen the Star Wars Christmas Special. Any wookie that could contribute to that atrocity is capable of doing anything.

  12. #12 Uncle Dave
    July 16, 2007

    Your right.
    Frankly a 7 foot hairy creature that makes cow like noises is like white on rice when it comes to Hollywood Blvd.
    Usually its the bermuda shorted tourists with black socks that are hasseled by the LAPD on suspicion – anyone in that getup on Hollywood and Vine has to be trafficing narcotics.

  13. #13 Jon H
    July 16, 2007

    All the story needs is for Marilyn to have been a transvestite.

  14. #14 notmercury
    July 16, 2007

    “All the story needs is for Marilyn to have been a transvestite.”

    Would a nookie seeking Wookie stop to take a lookie for a bimbo sans la cookie?

  15. #15 Orac
    July 17, 2007

    Spelling fixed by the way.

    My geek-fu was apparently weak when I posted this.

  16. #16 Warren
    July 20, 2007

    What I want to know is how a seven-foot-tall, fur suit wearing Chewbacca impersonator managed to evade arrest.