Respectful Insolence

Homeopathic ambulances?

While I’ve been having a little fun with homeopathy today, I thought I’d show you just one other thing about the Royal London Homeopathic Hospital. Directly in front of the hospital, I noticed some words on the street. After taking a closer look, I was shocked and horrified. Take a look for yourself:

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If you can’t tell what all of the lettering says, it reads:

AMBULANCES ONLY KEEP CLEAR

It’s an ambulance spot right in front of the Homeopathic Hospital. I really hope that these are only elective transports. I can’t imagine emergency transports to a homeopathic hospital. Well, actually, I can–unfortunately:

“It’s not working! Up the dilution and potency to 30C, STAT!”

Of course, I could interpret it in a different way, perhaps as “Ambulances ONLY keep clear”; in other words, a warning for ambulances to keep away.

Yeah, that’d make more sense.

Comments

  1. #1 Joseph Hertzlinger
    September 4, 2007

    A homeopathic ambulance will transport patients only an inch.

  2. #2 Phy
    September 4, 2007

    The efficacy of a regular ambulance is raised by diluting and succussing them until the ambulance appears clear.

  3. #3 Scott Belyea
    September 4, 2007

    “Homeopathic ambulance” … where is George Carlin when you really need him??

  4. #4 Stuart Coleman
    September 4, 2007

    Unfortunately, I think your second interpretation is off the mark.

  5. #5 Warren
    September 4, 2007

    Fortunately it’s not an issue. The faster a homeopathic ambulance goes, the longer it takes to arrive, which means the patient will have given up and taken a real ambulance long before the homeopathic one ever shows up to cart him off to his doom.

  6. #6 Yojimbo
    September 4, 2007

    Yes Warren, but what if they drive VERY slowly?

  7. #7 Jason Adams
    September 4, 2007

    Perhaps it is intended for ambulances that come to pick up the victims — err patients — who aren’t responding to “treatment”. It’s not good PR for people to die in their care. Better to jerk the victim around a while before sending them to a real hospital, which will then take the blame.

  8. #8 joe
    September 4, 2007

    Per Orac “It’s not working! Up the dilution and potency to 30C, STAT!”

    My man, dilution and succussion take time. There’s no “STAT” about it. You can’t expect the apothecary to turn on a farthing. If they stock 30C and keep getting orders for 24C, they can’t undilute it. Get a clue.

  9. #9 txjak
    September 4, 2007

    The homeopathic ambulance is “on the way.” That’s all you have to know in order for you to feel better.

  10. #10 David D.G.
    September 4, 2007

    Wouldn’t a homeopathic ambulance just consist of a few drops of the runoff from a car wash through which an ambulance had passed?

    I think I see a few wet spots on the concrete; that might be an entire fleet of homeopathic ambulances. Watch where you step!

    ~David D.G.

  11. #11 scote
    September 4, 2007

    Uhmm, I think you are actually looking at the homeopathic ambulance in the photo. It just happens to be diluted 30C.

  12. #12 ray
    September 4, 2007

    “Yes Warren, but what if they drive VERY slowly?”

    I get it now. The slower they drive, the faster they get there. For a reputable source I shall cite “Alice in Wonderland” and my logic will become crystal clear.

  13. #13 Harry
    September 4, 2007

    Or maybe homeopathic ambulances only transport the “essence” of the patient. I mean, does the patient really need to physically GO to the hospital when “quantum entanglement” allows him to be treated from a distance?

    I figure the patient would need to tranfer some of the essence of his illness into a liquid medium (e.g., piss in a cup) and then dilute it to the appropiate level. The illness can then be transport via homeopathic ambulance (i.e., taxi) to the hospital for the appropriate treatment!

  14. #14 Brigit
    September 4, 2007

    joe, then the apothecary just needs a liophylizer =P

  15. #15 PalMD
    September 4, 2007

    Hmm…ambulance + succession = hmmm…yuck.

  16. #16 Torbjörn Larsson, OM
    September 4, 2007

    (>_<)

    If it is an accredited “hospital” I assume they are obliged to have a dedicated spot for ambulances to other (real) hospitals.

    They tried homeopathic ambulances, but they didn’t work. It turns out the dilution was not potent when it reached the engine. The engineers mumbled something about homeopathic gas.

  17. #17 Chris Noble
    September 4, 2007

    If it is an accredited “hospital” I assume they are obliged to have a dedicated spot for ambulances to other (real) hospitals.

    This is the most likely reason for the ambulances. In order for a homeopathic hospital to maintain a low mortality rate it is very important that their patients can be transported to a real hospital before they die.

  18. #18 wfjag
    September 4, 2007

    Is there a lawyer’s office across the street? That’s how we’d do it on the other side of The Pond.

  19. #19 Rob
    September 4, 2007

    Runs on very little gas and only shows up 1 out of 100,000,000 times you call. Despite that, it really works.

  20. #20 Viscount
    September 4, 2007

    They tried homeopathic ambulances, but they didn’t work. It turns out the dilution was not potent when it reached the engine. The engineers mumbled something about homeopathic gas.

    This raises an interesting question – if you put a few drops of a 30C dilution of sugar into your gas tank, will it make your car run better?

  21. #21 Russell
    September 4, 2007

    Really, all that needs to be said about homeopathic medicines is that they pose no risk of overdose. Not only do homeopaths never say, “up the dose to 30C stat,” they also never say, “the patient overdosed, and likely is to die.” That would make the mysterious mechanism behind homeopathy, rather miraculously, the only mechanism in all engineering and science that cannot be misapplied with harmful result.

    Color me skeptical.

  22. #22 Erd Tird Mans
    September 5, 2007

    So… do they have an E.R.? Does “emergency” room mean anything in a homeopathic hospital?

  23. #23 Chris Noble
    September 5, 2007

    The emergency room is used in the unfortunate event that they admit someone with an illness that does not respond to placebo. As soon as the ambulance arrives the patient is then transferred to a real hospital as rapidly as possible.

  24. #24 Thinker
    September 5, 2007

    Really, all that needs to be said about homeopathic medicines is that they pose no risk of overdose.

    However, I understand there are cases in which patients being treated with homeopathic medicines have died from an underdose…

  25. #25 Christophe Thill
    September 5, 2007

    “Really, all that needs to be said about homeopathic medicines is that they pose no risk of overdose.”

    Hey, water poisoning does exist…

  26. #26 Alex
    September 5, 2007

    To complete the photo, there should be a little Matchbox toy ambulance parked exactly in the centre of the bay..

  27. #27 John Marley
    September 5, 2007

    No, No.

    The lane must be kept clear for ambulances that come to take patients away from the homeopathic hospital.

  28. #28 Jon H
    September 8, 2007

    “To complete the photo, there should be a little Matchbox toy ambulance parked exactly in the centre of the bay..”

    Maybe sitting in a big beaker of water, with a tiny medicine measuring cup sitting next to the beaker.

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