The ultimate “Zionist” conspiracy

If you’ve hung out in forums where Holocaust deniers, 9/11 Truthers, and other conspiracy theorists hang out, as I have done, one thing you’ll notice is that these particular purveyors of dubious conspiracy-mongering seem to have a particular love of demonizing Jews (or, as the smarter ones tend to call them in order to try to skirt obvious charges of anti-Semitism, “Zionists”). If you believe such nuts, Jews are responsible for exaggerating the Holocaust, for destroying the World Trade Center, or even for for the destruction of the Space Shuttle Columbia or even Hurricane Katrina. Indeed, the sheer number of things that nutjobs want to blame the Jews for beggars the imagination.

Fortunately, there is now a tool to help me to make the connections that we “sheeples” are unable to see but that conpsiracy-mongers find so compelling. Fortunately, to help us goyim minimize our confusion over just what conspiracies Jews are involved in (and, with idiots like David Duke, David Irving, and a host of other anti-Semites coming up with new things to blame “Zionists” for on a daily basis, you know we need help), I present to you the the Zionist-Conspiracy-O-Matic. It’s all the guidance anyone needs in this area.

Come to think of it, why should Jews have all the fun making up conspiracies in which they play the prominent role, all to make fun of idiotic conspiracy cranks? Come on, what about the Illuminati, David Icke’s lizard people, the Masons, the U.N., and, of course, the Catholic Church? Surely we can generalize the Zionist-Conspiracy-O-Matic to handle all these favored targets, too!


  1. #1 Blake Stacey
    December 10, 2007

    “He insist we not fly in case the Jews repeated their attack of 9/11.”

    Borat Sagdiyev

  2. #2 wfjag
    December 10, 2007

    Absolute proof of Zionist Conspiracy Theories. See

    Or, maybe, absolute proof of Zionist Conspiracy Theorists.

  3. #3 Doug Alder
    December 10, 2007

    Come on, what about the Illuminati, David Icke’s lizard people, the Masons, the U.N., and, of course, the Catholic Church?

    Orac – you missed the obvious. The Jews are responsible for all of the above, yes even the Catholic Church, one of their most devious deceits ever 😉

  4. #4 Marcus Ranum
    December 10, 2007

    Meanwhile, dead cthulhu sleeps, dreaming.

  5. #5 Robster, FCD
    December 10, 2007

    Doug, you beat me to it, so all I have to offer is this. Apologies if I have posted this here before.

  6. #6 Chris
    December 10, 2007

    The Templars have something to do with everything. How can you leave them out?

  7. #7 Moopheus
    December 10, 2007

    “David Icke’s lizard people,”

    Remember that the Anti-Defamation League claims that when he says 12-ft tall shape-changing reptiles from the 4th dimension, he really means Jews. Icke, of course, denies this. He really means 12-ft tall shape-changing reptiles from the 4th dimension. So while it seems to be true that a stream of anti-semitism runs through a lot of conspiracy theories, some people are just nuts. Of course, a lot of conspiracy nuts apparently think Icke is working for the conspiracies (i.e., he’s working for the Jews). So I guess he can’t win either way.

  8. #8 Dangerous Bacon
    December 10, 2007

    “David Icke’s Lizard People”

    Band name!!!

    But now I have “YMCA” going through my head. Durn.

  9. #9 DLC
    December 11, 2007

    What, you mean “The Zionists” aren’t behind the UFO conspiracy, too ? or did I miss that one ?
    No no, wait! “The Zionists are really Shills For Big Pharma !
    (feel free to visualize additional exclamation points to suit)

  10. #10 Monty
    December 11, 2007

    Wait a sec… You forgot the Wiccans!

  11. #11 J. J. Ramsey
    December 14, 2007

    Orac: “one thing you’ll notice is that these particular purveyors of dubious conspiracy-mongering seem to have a particular love of demonizing Jews”

    That reminds me of this joke:

    Rabbi Altmann and his secretary were sitting in a coffeehouse in Berlin in 1935. “Herr Altmann,” said his secretary, “I notice you’re reading Der Stürmer! I can’t understand why. A Nazi libel sheet! Are you some kind of masochist, or, God forbid, a self-hating Jew?”

    “On the contrary, Frau Epstein. When I used to read the Jewish papers, all I learned about were pogroms, riots in Palestine, and assimilation in America. But now that I read Der Stürmer, I see so much more: that the Jews control all the banks, that we dominate in the arts, and that we’re on the verge of taking over the entire world. You know – it makes me feel a whole lot better!”

  12. #12 Edward
    December 24, 2007

    You know, while I certainly like the idea of mocking conspiracy theories about Jews, I can’t help but notice that this particular case implies that the BBC, for example, is a source anti-Semitic conspiracy theories like David Duke. This itself strikes me as rather paranoid.

  13. #13 James
    February 6, 2008

    You guys throw around the anti semite charge with such reckless abandon, it’s losing it’s power. There are a small group of racist caucasians who really are white supremacists and would like to rule the world and exterminate/enslave all other races. I’ve never heard anyone defend this fact by attacking the truth with accusations of being anti-whitey or racist against whites. It would be preposterous, just as preposterous as claiming their isn’t a similar group from the Jewish population. There are zionists, who just want Jews to have a safe place to live and be free, then there are Zionists, who are the Jewish equivalent of the KKK. Attacking people who speak of the latter is intellectually dishonest and morally corrupt.

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